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Young Writers Society


Inevitable (Intro)



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Gender: Female
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Tue Dec 20, 2011 4:31 am
Weightless2015 says...



Yes, I’m ashamed of it. But I don’t deny that it happens. I could say that I will stop. But I know that, when night rolls around, I’ll go back, pulled there by an invisible rope every night at ten o’clock. So far, I’ve kept it quiet. As long as no one knows, no one has to get hurt.
It wasn’t always like this. I used to be honest, faithful. I still am. Or, at least, that’s what I tell myself. That’s what people think. My life was fine. I was happy, most likely happier than I am now. I wasn’t craving excitement. I didn’t dare go looking for adventure—rather, adventure found me. Not that I pushed it away. I wanted to try something new. I’d heard stories about it, stories that came with a warning. But I was never one to listen to advice. I wanted to, needed to try it for myself before making up my mind. But since that first night, I haven’t been able to stop. Believe me, I’ve tried. I went a whole week without going, without talking to anyone, ignoring their looks when passing them on the street. But it’s like a drug. I’m hooked. And no one will be able to stop me.
Not that they know yet. But soon they will; it’s inevitable. Soon they will find out. Soon they will find me—alone, helpless, after it’s too late. Another victim found, a victim of the curse that slowly suffocates the innocent.
  





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362 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4206
Reviews: 362
Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:34 am
wonderland says...



Alright, so
This seems really rushed. Give the reader some background. You want to give enough details so that the reader isn't confused, but so that they don't get bored and stop reading. Find the happy medium!
However, I really enjoyed your opening sentence. As the reader, it made me want to continue reading,which is exactly what a first sentence should do.
Keep remembering to bring emotion into your writing, that way the reader wants to continue reading.

Good luck.
I'm interested to see where you go with this.
~Wonderland
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*
  





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10 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 823
Reviews: 10
Thu Dec 29, 2011 5:43 am
southerngirl5379 says...



Amazing introduction. you introduced the conflict without really addressing exactly what it is. Its mysterious annd hooks people in. In the next part make sure and include a seting, and maybe the characters name. This part is perfectly paced to me. Its interesting what you've done with this. keep writing.
  








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