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David Echoe Chapter 4



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Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:13 am
davidechoe13 says...



It was extremely wet and hard to see, but the group slowly made their way towards Hampshire, it was very close now. David slipped in a patch of mud and face-planted into a puddle, the rain was so loud that the others never knew that he’d fallen. As they walked off David lay on the ground spitting out rain water, he got up and continued towards the black shape of Hampshire. A flash of light split the darkness and for a few moments lit the sky. But then it went away leaving the world once again dark and wet.
Rick stepped onto the hard pavement of Hampshire, there were lots of diners and shops that’s windows shown a little light. Steven led them under an owning and they stood there watching the rain as it hammered the ground and splashed in the puddles of water that were everywhere.
“You know- wait where’s David?” Molly asked as she blew her hair out of her face.
“That; is a good question!” Steven said He looked around and when he didn’t see him said “he’ll turn up somewhere.”
David was trudging through the mud; the lightning was disorientating messing up his vision every flash. Then He noticed the flash got brighter, and when the sound of the cracking and the roaring of the lightning reached his ears it sounded way to close for comfort. Looking up David saw lightning streak across the sky splitting several different times and then watched as it blew a hole in the hill behind him.
“Time to go!” He yelled to himself and he bolted off as fast as he could.
“Where is he I’m tired of waiting” Rick said he was not a very patient person he only waited when he wanted to.
“Found him” Molly said with a sigh. They watched as a shadow in the distance ran at full speed with lightning striking behind him every step, like it was following him.
“Oh well, that’s David for you” Steven said.
For some reason the dang lightning was striking right behind him every few seconds, maybe he was just really, really unlucky and just happened to be in the way every time it hit or something he didn’t know. What he did know was that he was that he was getting really tired, David yelped as another lightning bolt blasted the Frizz* out of the ground behind him. And then it stopped, David fell to his knees his lungs gasping for air. Looking up he noticed the clouds were swirling in a counter clockwise motion and in the heart of the clouds a golden light started to glow. A golden beam of light hit the ground about ten feet in front of David with a sound like a metal door on its squeaky hinges clanging shut. It was a weird sound for light but then again the whole fiasco was weird. David got up and stepped back, the rain was coming down so hard it almost hurt. Then the ground started to rip apart. It started in the middle of the light beam thing and webbed out in all directions. David started to run again, the ground was shaking now and the cracks in the ground shot off faster than David could run. All of a sudden He felt a sharp pain in his right leg, he was flipped sideways and somehow or another landed hard on his back knocking the wind out of his lungs.
“What’s he done this time?” Molly asked when she saw the beam of light, then David started to run and the ground started to shake. Patio tables fell over sideways and the ground started cracking and moving and just tearing up everything. She watched as a giant pillar of rock came up out of the ground flipping David a couple of times before he hit the ground.
“Get out of here! I’ll go get David!” Steven yelled, Rick yelled her name and drug her out of the trance she was in and they took off as fast as they could. David rolled over on his stomach, pushed himself up and looked around; there was a noise like a generator whirling around through the air. It blocked out all other sounds, David saw Steven coming up to help him. He saw his mouth move but the words didn’t reach him. Another pillar shot up out of the ground a little ways away, then out of the beam of light walked massive lizards, around nine feet tall. They had spikes going from head to tail, long snouts with two inch razor sharp teeth, their colors varied, but all of them had dark colors, the each had a scary looking weapon from double bladed axes with bone handles to maces with spikes poked through a skull and then smashed on a stick. They each had some sort of armor on and they walked out one behind the other. Steven reached David and saw the lizards, one of them turned towards their direction. It saw them and let loose an unheard scream.*


Footnotes:
1: Frizz was just a word David came up with out of the blue to basically say: “it’s blowing the ground up in all directions."
2: This is just a quick note on the description of the lizard creatures, basically the general shape is that of a Draconian, but the two species are not the same.
Think of the vastness of a story, What happens when the main character is not around?
  





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Thu Dec 15, 2011 7:21 am
NightWriter says...



Amazing! Really great writing :)

The footnotes are very helpful, I would have been a touch lost without them.

Just a question:
It saw them and let loose an unheard scream.*

What's with the asterix?

Your dialogue flows nicely too :)

Well done!

NightWriter x
raised by wolves // brought up on words.
  








A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles