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David Echoe Chapter 3



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33 Reviews



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Points: 283
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Fri Nov 25, 2011 12:19 am
davidechoe13 says...



David was packing his gear, trying to make his sleeping bag fit into a stupid role that would fit in the little ropes. He growled in annoyance as he still couldn’t make it fit. Rick, Molly, and Steven had all packed their stuff up and were waiting on him. In the end he just threw it in the bushes, noticing the looks from his friends he decided to just ignore them. They walked over to the edge of the canyon; it was about forty feet deep. The sides were slanted quite steeply but there were plenty of roots and stones stuck in the ground to help them down. It took about twenty minutes for all of them to get down, it was only when they were at the bottom did David take any notice of the rocks and old log at the rim above them.
It was of course then that molly decided to kick the wall and start yelling, listening for the echo. It was also then that the rocks and boulders started to tip and roll down the side, bouncing and picking up speed.
“Oh snap!” David said, a boulder bounced towards him at an increasing speed. He pushed molly out of the way as it crashed into the side of the canyon behind them. A massive cloud of dust rose up in the air making it harder to see. David looked around for falling rocks, a shadow flashed in front of David and he instinctively ducked and the old log flew over his head missing him by inches. Rick and Steven had taken cover behind a large boulder. A few more rocks had rolled down but they were not the size of what nearly hit David.
“I’m ready to get out of here” molly said. She quietly stood up brushed herself off and started up the canyon.
“Um Molly,” Rick said.
“What?”
“That’s the wrong side.”
The climb up was harder and took twice as long, and by the time they got up they were all tired and gulping down lots of water. Once they had recuperated they got ready to walk. They came to a hill where they decided upon their next move.
“Are there any towns in range?” David asked, if they continued straight they could make it to Old York by night fall. If they decided to stop by a town on the coast it would take them another half-a-day to get there.
“Well Hampshire’s, on the coast we could make it their by evening. What kind of food supplies we got left?” Steven asked. They mostly had just a bunch of trail mix and orange slices having eaten all of their food that wood rot quickly in the heat.
“Uh, let’s see” Molly was fishing through her bag. “Three bottles of water, and a box of goldfish, plus some old cake, that’s really smushed though.”
“Trail mix by the boxes” Rick said. David noticed quite suddenly that it was his turn and sort of jumped before answering.
“I got some M an M’s, jawbreakers, one of those really big Hershey’s and some salt water taffy.” The others looked at him skeptically, “Oh, and a bag of fun size butterfingers.” The others decided to just drop it.
“To Hampshire it is then” Steven decided, the village, as they passed over the next hill was just becoming visible. It was a fairly large village unlike those scattered along the Beach of Snake Lake. Halfway there Massive clouds started to roll in. David knew enough about clouds that the ones in the sky above them would bring rain. At noon they stopped and ate a snack and took a break. The clouds cooled them down considerably; as they neared the town David felt small droplets of water start to land on his hands and the back of his neck. Then it just started to pour, in seconds they were soaked and everything in sight was dark.
Think of the vastness of a story, What happens when the main character is not around?
  





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374 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Reviews: 374
Wed Dec 14, 2011 2:36 am
tgirly says...



This chapter made me laugh. I have trouble with those sleeping bag bag-things too. You have done an excellent job at showing not telling, something I have trouble with. You've showed us David's personality (definitely NOT Survivor Man) in a funny way, with the candy and his inability to roll up the sleeping bag. You have also added a little bit of excitement with the mini avalanche, and shown us he has pretty good reflexes and instincts and he's the type to save people, a trait that'll be very helpful for getting him in all kinds of nasty situations in later chapters.
This has definitely been my favorite of your three chapters; your voice shines in this one the most. Keep up the excitement. Capitalize "Molly." Tell me when you get the next chapter up.
Sorry this doesn't help as much as my other reviews,
-tgirly
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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33 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 283
Reviews: 33
Wed Dec 14, 2011 2:57 am
davidechoe13 says...



Hey it has helped actually showing what i need to keep up and stuff thanks for reading them and im actually working on the next chapter and it'll be up ASAICRS *


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Think of the vastness of a story, What happens when the main character is not around?
  








When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
— Eric Hoffer