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Young Writers Society


Shock of the Rose Killer (Prologue and Chapter 1)



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32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1950
Reviews: 32
Thu Nov 24, 2011 9:31 pm
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Starrywolf says...



Buffalo News- April 2, 2010

Murder in Buffalo


Yesterday, The Rose killer struck again, this time in Urban western New York. A 23-year-old girl named Darla Freaser was killed near her home in the city’s downtown area. As the Rose killer’s trademark, a rose petal and riddle were left at the scene.
The riddle, typed and not written, read:

By the shore he walks alone
At daybreak rises the bloodred storm
The salt and sand corrupt the scene
Murder at the dawn’s red dream.


Poughkeepsie Journal- May 2, 2010

Devil’s minion comes to Poughkeepsie


Yesterday, The infamous Rose killer struck another innocent victim. A Mr. David Penter was killed on his daily morning walk along the beach to his job at the shore store. He was found in the water, the entire scene of the crime being washed away by the sea. He had been shot twice and stabbed, and on his body was a rose petal and the clue to the next victim.
The sparkling lake on only land
In the old hunting ground of Fillmore’s hands
She whistles her way to knowledge and work
Living her last day as a lonely clerk.
Clarence Bee- October 2, 2011
Another kill in the lake


The rose killer has struck Clarence again (having killed a girl in Spaulding Lake in June of 2010.) A five-year-old boy was murdered while walking down the street yesterday.
Two bullets were found in his skull, along with a shard of bone (the DNA tests concluded that the bone was from one of the past victims, David Penter.)
The riddle, possible more obscure than those before, read:


Flowers fall from flowers
Who life had never known
The flower dries on thickened soil
That my heart has yet to foil

Chapter 1 (October 20th, 2011)
Rose Cane

Ben took the file from my hands. “You need to sleep, Rose.”
“Not until I figure out this riddle.”
He sighed. “Better detectives have tried. You won’t do any better than them without sleep or food.”
I tried to take the file back, but he stepped away. “Get in that bed, close your eyes, and get some sleep. You need it.”
“Well, so do you.” I argued.
He shook his head. “I’ve slept plenty.”
I rolled my eyes and stood up. “’Night.”
He nodded and walked away with the file as I made my way to the bedroom, laying down and falling asleep almost immediately.
Two hours later, my cell phone rang. I picked it up, answering quietly. “Hello?”
“Rose, bad news.” It was Ben. “The file’s gone.”
“W-what?” I thought I’d misheard in my half-awake state, but was wrong.
“It’s gone. Someone hit me on the head, and when I came to, no file.”
“Oh,” I muttered. “At least I wrote down the riddle.”
“You... you did?” He sounded almost disappointed.
I nodded before realizing I was on the phone. “Yeah. And it’s in news reports from Clarence, too. You know that, you were there and told them yourself.”
“Oh, right. No nothing’s... nothing’s wrong. I have to go.” He hung up before I had a chance to answer.
I shrugged and went back to sleep.

Spoiler! :
I wrote this as a collaboration piece with my cousin (who hopes to join soon!) So half-credit to her.
Edit: Here she is!
This is my first attempt at building suspense or that kind of thing, so go crazy with the nitpicks!
If you have a better name, please tell me.
  





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9 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 9
Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:55 pm
TheBucketman says...



I'm not the biggest fan of mystery, but I actually really liked this first chapter. It was a good start to the novel so far. I also really enjoyed the format, with the dates, the happenings, the riddle, and then finally the scene. It almost makes it seem like a journal entry of some sort, and I liked it. Some parts are sort of cliché, though, like the, "I was hit on the head then the important object was gone." I'm not the biggest fan of cliché stuff, but hey, the rest was good. Just try to come up with original stuff, and you'll be all set. Nice job, keep it up!
  





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Points: 300
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Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:01 am
Mrsgenny62 says...



is this true?
  





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32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1950
Reviews: 32
Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:11 am
Starrywolf says...



The... story? Nope.
Spoiler! :
My cousin watches Psych too. It's partly inspired by the Yin/Yang ones.
  





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Sun Nov 27, 2011 3:13 am
hudz96 says...



Wow that was nice!!! i have a friend whom i want to join, she wrote a short story on a murder its very similar... well the beginning.(riddle) except in hers it was a newspaper clipping. I cant wait to read the rest....
hmmmmm im having doubts about the guy :D
Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
  





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34 Reviews



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Points: 59
Reviews: 34
Tue Nov 29, 2011 7:38 pm
RedMoon says...



Starrywolf, I'm new on YWS and still have a lot to learn about writing, but I have to say that this story is amazing. Hope to see some more soon.
Remember, God loves you!
  








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