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The Akachi Chapter 2



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Mon Nov 21, 2011 11:57 pm
ArahAkachi1 says...



Chapter 2

I felt something slamming my chest three times before air went down my throat. This went on for about 3 minutes. I opened my eyes as I choked up water. I looked up to see Rose looking down at me. “He’s awake!” she shouted. Keii, Emily, and Heather came into view moments later.
I looked at each one of them in turn. I focused on Keii mostly because he was soaked. “Why are you soaked?” I asked Keii after a while as I caught my breath. “I had to dive to the bottom of the ocean to save you,” he answered. “Well, thanks,” I told him. “You’re welcome,” he said. “Sorry about what I did. I can’t control it when the Queen awakes,” Heather apologized. “It seemed like it,” I told her.
“What are we going to do know? Valkaryot is sure to be looking for us,” Emily told us. “He knows we wouldn’t go back to the house, but he might have it protected in case,” Rose said. “But where will we stay? What will we eat?” I asked my voice hoarse. “I made a lean to earlier,” Heather told us blushing a little.
“And we can catch fish and stuff,” Keii continued. “Can you show us this lean to?” I asked Heather. “Follow me,” Heather said walking into the forest. I struggled to stand up before following her.
We walked for what seemed like ten minutes before Heather finally stopped. “It’s not much,” she said moving some branches out the way revealing a small wooden house. “This can work,” I gasped. “Well, it is much bigger on the inside,” Heather said. “Can we take a tour?” Emily asked.
“Yup,” Heather answered as she walked toward the house with us behind her. She opened the door and when I entered, I swear, the inside was a mansion! “Whoa!” Keii gasped. “Cool!” Rose exclaimed. “There are eight bedrooms, eight bathrooms, and a fully stocked kitchen,” Heather explained.
“Why eight rooms?” I asked. “I had a feeling we will meet new friends who will accompany us,” Heather answered. “Of course we will meet new friends!” Keii laughed. “So, what are we going to do?” I asked. “How can we save people if we don’t even know where we are?” Rose asked.
“I did some research and discovered we’re on the island of Kyso. It’s just off the coast of Novom,” Heather explained. “How did you find this out?” Keii asked. “Well, it’s because of a great invention called technology,” Heather answered pointing to a computer.
“But how can we train? Save lives? Do our job?” Emily rambled off questions. “Same way the cavemen did, trying,” Keii suggested. “Bleh! We don’t have to try,” Rose laughed.
The computer screen buzzed before an image appeared. It was a recording of the past. It was a recording of when Valkaryot attacked Vince. “I bet Valkaryot is sending this out to try and draw us out,” I stated. I coughed then and noticed I was coughing up blood.
“Arah! Are you okay?” Heather gasped running to me. All I could do was cough more blood. “I think one of his lungs got punctured,” Keii said calmly. “Get him into the room marked for him. We need to examine him,” Emily shouted orders. I was lifted off the ground and could faintly feel Rose holding me like a baby as she ran to the room marked for me.
Soon, I felt the comfort of a soft surrounding which must’ve been the bed. Darkness was started to crawl into my vision. I faintly felt my shirt rip open and something cold touching my skin above my lungs.
“There’s some kind of shard in his right lung. It’s black and it seems to be puncturing his lung,” Keii stated. “I remember when the Queen was pointing her staff at him, he broke it and shards went everywhere,” Heather explained. “Then one of the shards must’ve somehow gotten into his lung,” Emily decided. “Is there any way one of us can either do surgery or crawl inside him and try to remove the shard?” asked Rose.

“I could slice him open with my claws, but I don’t know how to heal him. And I don’t believe any of us can shrink so that they could remove it,” Keii said. “I could try to incinerate it, but I might also incinerate his lung,” Heather suggested. I coughed a few more times before the darkness almost covered my vision.
“Keii, cut open his chest over his left lung. You can see where the shard entered, so cut there. Allow us to see his whole lung. Heather, when I make the barrier around his lung, incinerate the shard. The barrier will keep you from burning his lung up killing him. Rose, hold him down. In the process of this emergency surgery, he will start to thrash around,” Emily shouted out orders. That was when I blacked out.
***************************************
I woke up, feeling that the pain had subsided. I could see normally, breathe better, and felt extraordinary. I looked around to see soot on the walls, fires burning in random areas, charred furniture, and blood on the floor. “What happened in here?” I asked aloud hoarsely.
“He’s awake!” someone shouted. The door opened and Emily, Heather, Keii, and Rose ran inside. “What happened?” I repeated my voice growing stronger. “We had to do surgery on you. There was a shard from the Gemini Queen’s staff was in your lung. When we got it out, the shard exploded causing all this damage,” explained Heather.

“So, I’m all healed?” I asked. “Yes. You’re healed,” Keii told me chuckling. I swung my feet off the edge of the charred bed I was on and stood up. “Arah! You just woke up! Don’t do anything reckless and injure yourself,” Emily told me all motherly.
“I feel better Emily. No wait. I feel better than better. Almost like I’m a superhero,” I laughed. “Of course you do. You are a superhero. In fact, we’re all superheroes,” Rose told me trying hard not to laugh. “I guess we’re going to have to lie low for now,” Keii told us all sighing. “I hate lying low,” I grumbled.
“Same here,” Rose told me patting me on the shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. We can’t allow any of us to be captured by Valkaryot,” Keii told us. I was trying so hard not to just walk right up to him and knock him out. I felt something slide into my pocket as they left suddenly.
I took what was in my pocket out and discovered it was a note. The note read, Meet us in the Lobby at Midnight. You’re not the only one who doesn’t like to lay low. I read it again and again before deciding I wasn't imagining them. I wasn’t just going to lie low. I had to do something. I was going with them.
Last edited by ArahAkachi1 on Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:40 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Writing your name can lead to writing sentences. And then the next thing you'll be doing is writing paragraphs, and then books. And then you'll be in as much trouble as I am!
  





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Gender: Male
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Reviews: 126
Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:10 am
PenNPaper says...



Hey there, i really liked your story, especially the dialogue which sounded very realistic. However you could seperate them instead of bunching them up into one whole paragraph, which makes reading it a little tough.

I woke up suddenly feeling no more pain. I could see normal, breathe better, and felt extraordinary.

The first part of this sentence sounded a little weird. You could have rephrased it to be "I woke up, feeling that the pain had subsided". Also, I'm not too sure of what you mean when you said "I could see normal", I was guessing it meant that you had recovered your sight? Try and take time to rephrase your words so that they give a clear description of what you are trying to tell the reader.

Other than that, this story is pretty well done. Hope my review helps :)

PenNPaper
Writing is all about imagination~
  








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