Young Writers Society

tw: mentions of suicide

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Adult Elias shifted his gaze first at Maggie then at Hades, patiently listening. He paused after they finished talking, letting a brief silence fill the room.

"I don't want to die," he said softly, looking down at the knife again. "I just want the pain to end." He paused again, his empty eyes furrowed in thought. "And the pain won't end unless I'm a different person... or I die."

He looked up at Hades, and as much as he tried to maintain a neutral expression, he couldn't help but let the hopelessness seep into his face. "And I've tried to end my life so many times before. It doesn't work. I can't end it. My body won't let me."

Elias then shifted his attention to Maggie. "So what you're saying is, if I... pay... you, you would do it?"

Maggie crossed their arms and frowned. "I'm by appointment only, and I don't work for people who know what I look like." They might break those rules in a situation like this back home, but now didn't seem like the time to say so.

The consensus hadn't changed, as far as they knew, and they'd never had to kill anyone who wasn't...well, perfectly human.

His throat went dry.

Hades didn't have experience with things like this. The people who came to the underworld were already dead. Some of them had been in similar situations to Elias before, but he always met them after they had already died. It was different comforting someone who had wanted everything to end and hadn't gotten the finality they had been desperately craving.

When he looked at the older Elias in front of them, his heart ached. The younger Elias - the one he knew had to be real; this Elias had to be an illusion just like the Hades that the real Hades had taken the throne of - had no idea of what was ahead of him. He wished he could just be away from this all. He wanted to tell Elias so he could avoid whatever fate made him just as sad as some of the souls that hurt the most in Hades's underworld.

Zeus always said that Hades cared about mortals too much.

"I...I can't do something like that," Hades said. He knew that Elias was talking to Maggie and not him, but the request had been posed in front of the entire group. The reasoning for the request had been given to everyone. He knew that Elias was only going to turn to everyone else. "I wish I could help you. But you have to suspect that it wouldn't really be over after you die - that there's no way for it to all..."

He faltered.

"...end."

Annabeth shifted on the balls of her feet, feeling disgusted.

"You've done all these terrible things," she began quietly, first looking at the ground, "and you say that you want the pain to end." Annabeth looked up at Elias. "I don't know if you regret your actions, but death won't bring the end of your suffering. You will never be free of your pain. Maybe you don't deserve it."

Annabeth glared at him. "Why, Elias, why did you hurt all those people?"

Kazimir didn't know how the others had so many things to say. He felt his stomach twist up in knots and his fists balled tightly at his side, but he knew he couldn't look Elias in the eyes - either the kid, or the adult, and tell him that he was going to kill him.

It would be a mercy killing, and Kazimir wanted to understand that, but something just didn't sit right with him in his gut.

He frowned deeply and stared at Elias, and the knife in Elias's hand.

Even if he did do it - and he wouldn't - but even if he did, the other three wouldn't let him.

Kazimir took in a deep breath and waited for Elias to answer the others.

Elias couldn't help but let hurt flash across his face. Their words stung.

The pain wouldn't really be over after you die.
There's no way for it to all end.
Death won't bring the end of your suffering.
You will never be free of your pain.
Maybe you don't deserve it.

But Annabeth's last question rang in his ears: why did you hurt all those people?

And then realization began to seep in: they still didn't understand the full story.

He slowly walked over to the nearest desk and set the knife down. "I can't answer that question without telling you everything." He sighed and took a deep breath, mentally gathering up the little energy he had left. "So, let me tell you everything." He turned to face everyone again, this time with a hardened look.

"We all come from different worlds," he said, pausing to find the right words. "Or rather, times. In my world and time period, everyone was born with a power that manipulates some form of matter. It's hereditary and prone to mutations. Our society is built upon these powers, and everyone has a job to fulfill. I mostly come from a family of healers—cellular regeneration. Most of my siblings are nurses or doctors. They can heal others, but not themselves—and at an expense."

He paused. "They can heal others," he repeated slowly, "but at the expense of their own cells."

Elias continued on, not stopping to hear their reactions. "My power was a mutation. As much as I try, I can't heal others. I can only heal myself, but at the expense of someone else's cells. And I... survival mode kicks in. It's like my body tries to do anything it can to survive, and I can't control it."

He looked down, his face going dark. "But I come with limits. I've always healed faster than normal, but I can't fully tap into my power unless my body is in distress. It used to only be activated when I was close to dying, but now... now it seems more permanent."

For a moment, he let his mind wander as he tried to remember all the times he'd be fully conscious again. It was like someone stole the memories between the time his power was activated to the time he woke up, and he always woke up when it was too late to do anything.

"Sometimes," he began quietly, "days pass before I regain control."

He pressed on again without waiting for a response, determined to get the whole story out there.

"When the nature of my mutation was discovered, my future changed and I had a new job to fulfill. I first went through special training since my power was too new of a concept and not yet fully understood, and I thought I could change somehow, but I don't think anything could have prevented the outcome. The outcome that..."

His voice faltered and the words couldn't come out right away. Now that he thought about it, he had never said these words out loud. Everyone only knew when it was too late.

"I was born to serve in the military," he finally blurted out. "To follow orders and eradicate any dissent. I didn't want to hurt anyone. But I..."

He closed his eyes and shook his head, the words once again unable to form on his lips. It was hard to admit the truth.

"Of course I regret," he solemnly said instead. "I regret my actions everyday. But I can't let it cause me distress. I can't."

He felt a mix of emotions swirl in his chest, but he took a deep breath to calm it down and appear unfazed.

"I know I'm a terrible person," he said softly. "I deserve to be in the worst afterlife possible. But I don't care if the pain never ends. Nothing can be worse than this. I can't numb the pain of hurting innocent people or the people you love... Or seeing the people you love try to hurt you."

For the first minute after Elias spoke, Hades didn't say anything.

He didn't know what to say.

He had assumed that something was off about the society that Elias lived in, but it was far more different than he could have ever imagined. He wasn't going to pretend that his society - both the mortal and immortal versions - were inherently without flaws, but the world that Elias spoke of sounded horrible. He could understand that without really knowing what a mutation was.

Helping the Elias he knew would have been easy compared to this. All that Elias needed was someone to continually take cells - another foreign word - from. Any of the gods would have been able to do something like that. Even more, Hecate could probably create some kind of solution. She was still learning every aspect of magic, but she was incredibly skilled according to the gods that had come before her.

But Hades didn't need to help the much younger Elias right now. He needed to help the Elias in front of him. He knew what Elias wanted. He knew what they probably needed to do. But his stomach was flipping at the thought, and he honestly couldn't imagine hurting Elias - even if it was to help him.

"I don't know if I can help you now," Hades softly said, "but I'll do everything I can to help the you that I know."

He still wasn't really sure if this was just an illusion or really Elias from the future, but he decided it didn't really matter either way.

Kazimir wished he could think of things to say like Hades and the others, but his mind just felt blank. He wasn't used to talking people off the edge like this, and he couldn't deny that a part of him did feel obligated to fulfill Elias's request, as much as he hated it.

He wouldn't, but he felt like he was supposed to. The voice of his father wormed its way into his mind, telling him if he was getting paid for it, and they wanted it, then there was no reason to turn it down.

But the thing was, it sounded like Elias was really just given the worst luck in the genetic lottery. It was almost like his powers made him a parasite. He had to feed off of other people, like a vampire - except it wasn't that pretty. It wasn't like Elias had a choice in that. He was cursed with it. Kazimir didn't think that warranted a death sentence, even though it was horrible, and really, really sucked, and the way Elias's country or world or whatever dealt with it was f-ed up. You don't turn a sick person into a weapon. Wasn't that like, humanity 101?

Kazimir folded his arms and stayed quiet, staring at the floor.

He'd wait for the smarter people to say something. He knew he'd probably just say something stupid like he always did, and make Elias feel worse.

Annabeth mirrored Kazimir's posture, staring down at the desk. There was a lot to take in. Things no normal teenager should have to hear. Should have to decide.

She didn't know what to do. What was the best solution? What should she say? Annabeth stared at Elias, narrowing her eyes. He looked at them all, sorrow in his eyes. So, he was genuine.

You have to make tough decisions, Annabeth told herself. It's all part of the job. Monster hunting was a tough business.

But, she hadn't let Greta kill the first monster she faced. And, of course, it benefitted everyone in the end.

So, maybe she would help Elias. Begrudgingly.

"I don't know if I can help you now," Hades softly said, "but I'll do everything I can to help the you that I know."


Annabeth sighed. "I guess, I'll agree with Hades," she said. "The question, though, is how?"

Maggie shook their head. They didn't do this. This wasn't their kind of job. They didn't do moral dilemmas, they just took their money and offed the regular, human, target.

If he needs cells from others to survive...

He would be tough to kill, even if Maggie was going to go through with it. Unless they could get everyone else in the room to keep their eyes shut, ears plugged, and their backs turned until Maggie escorted them out of the room once the job was done.

They couldn't have their secret getting out.

No...no, this wasn't worth that.

"No," Maggie shook their head. "It's just instinct to fight back. If we try to kill you, you could kill all of us - except maybe Hades - whether you want to or not. I'm sorry about your struggle-" they weren't, "-but I'm not giving up my life just so nothing can change. Find a different solution, we're not your noose."

Adult Elias patiently listened for the others' response. His eyes flitted to each one: Kazimir and his unnerving silence, Hades and his optimism in a seemingly hopeless situation, Annabeth and her hesitation to come to an agreement, and Maggie and their stern words that didn't seem genuine.

He paused for a long time, the thick silence filling the room. Finally, he solemnly nodded.

"I am the Elias you know," he said quietly. "I'm him, years in the future. I know who you all are because I have met you years ago. I was in his situation, once. And I know that when I leave, you will see him back in the classroom where you came from, and he won't even know that you went through this."

He looked down at the knife sadly, his fingertips lightly lining the flat edge.

"Things turned out differently back then. But I hope this time, it turns out for the better."

As if right on cue, the room seemed to flash into light and darkness, barely giving the others any time to react. A familiar voice was heard, melting into the silence that once filled the ghostly room they were in.

"... the edge of the world, and you can see the sun set, but it's not actually a sun. Did I explain that yet?"

It was the voice of the Elias they all knew.

"Oh, and I can show you my room too! ... I don't really know why you are all staring at me like that, but... wait, are there even doors in this room? Oh, hah, yeah, of course there are, except why can't I..."

Everyone's vision seemed to fade into bright light before settling back into the current classroom they had appeared in. If they didn't know any better, they may have thought it was the mist -- but it may take a moment for their eyes to adjust to notice that the mist was indeed creeping in the corners of the room.

Elias turned around to face everyone, standing near the doorway. "Um, are you guys feeling alright?" he asked, squinting at them. "You all kind of silently stared at me for a solid minute there."

Kazimir blinked several times to clear the flashing lights from his vision as Elias - the kid Elias - started rambling on.

He shook his head and looked over to the boy with a hardened expression.

He was just a kid. Probably around Bo's age.

"We met..." Kazimir said. "People. People who know you. In a dream or something."

He was trying to figure out what to describe what happened without saying it in a way that was blunt. Normally, he'd just spit it out. But for once in his life he knew now was not a good time to word things poorly.

"They told us about your uh. Your powers. How it works."

The room shifted.

Hades suddenly found himself back in front of the younger Elias. Kaz had barely had tact when they were in the convoluted version of the Underworld, but he spoke to Elias with care Hades knew he also needed to take. The last words of the older Elias were repeating in his head. It implied that what he was beginning to think of doing wouldn't help. He couldn't see how it wouldn't. He didn't want to see how it wouldn't.

"They...they mentioned how those powers could accidentally hurt other people," Hades hesitantly added.

Elias -the Elias they all knew- was staring at them all. And he had no memory of what had happened.

Irrational anger welled up in Annabeth, and she wanted to go over there and shake him. Elias had hurt those people, and this one had the absolute gall to be cheerful and so stupidly happy. However, she held back because Adult Elias had told them that Young Elias wouldn't remember, and it wouldn't be right.

Not after what she learned. She forced the anger down and focused on what Adult Elias had told them. He had told them the full story.

He really has no idea what happened, she thought, looking at the boy. And she couldn't hold it against him.

It was her duty to help people. Annabeth would help Elias from going down the wrong path.

Kaz and Hades explained what happened as tactfully as they could.

Elias needed the truth -the hard truth.

"Your powers kicked into survival mode," said Annabeth. "You wouldn't remember what happened, but people would die. These people we spoke to wanted us to -" Annabeth grimaced, but it was like Greta was pushing her to continue.

"Well, I don't want to say it, but you need to know," she continued. "They wanted us to stop you. They said you hurt too many people."

Is that what would have happened if she hadn't used the hydra's blood on him? Would Elias have hurt them to survive?

The next moments didn't seem real. Elias thought, maybe, he was in a dream. Maybe this whole thing was a dream. Somehow, surviving an earthquake and the Underworld felt more real than this.

His smile faded with each passing word from Kazimir, Hades, and Annabeth. He felt his head go light and his heart rate increase.

"... What?" was all he managed to get out as he felt their eyes glued on him. He usually had no problem standing in the spotlight, but somehow, this felt different. He felt exposed.

He tried to think of what to say. An explanation. Disbelief. Denial. Maybe laugh it off and say that they couldn't possibly think that.

But he knew he'd be lying to not only them, but himself.

He dropped his gaze down to the desk in front of him, running his finger along it like it was supposed to make him feel better. More grounded, maybe. Touching something he was familiar with made him realize that this situation was very much real. Suddenly he wanted to go home and never see his new friends again.

"Who told you this?" he asked quietly, trying to compose his shaky voice.

The mist started to pool by their feet, like it was waiting for the right moment to pounce before enveloping them again.