Young Writers Society

You know, I never really got what is about this life; this world. You try to do something right , and everyone just finds something wrong at it. You always want to make others feel good , and help them unconditionally, but things always just turn around and hit you where it hurts the most. You always try to love your partner as much as you can , and show them your true self, make them feel loved and try to eliminate all the problems. But that is never enough. Why does someone expect so much from you, but they disappear when you need them the most? Why when you need help, and comforting, and most of all love, why does everyone just vanish into thin air , and you wake up alone , stranded in your own messed up mind , with no sense of direction , lost in the twisting realms of insecurity , loneliness and sorrow. And there is the part when someone amazing shows up. Someone perfect. But you just don't have the strenght and the will power to pull through. And that person walks away. And there you remain.
Alone.

Really depressing. But you did a really good job with it! Few points:

1.)I would add an 'it' in there so it makes more sence so it looks like this.

You know, I never really got what it is about this life;

2.)I would suggest changing the 'at' to 'about', or something along those lines, so it looks like this.

You try to do something right , and everyone just finds something wrong

about

it.

3.) The biggest problem I saw was that you used alot of commas. I don't know if you wanted it that way, or not. But, if you wanted to change it, it would look like this.

You always want to make others feel good and help them unconditionally, but things always just turn around and hit you where it hurts the most. You always try to love your partner as much as you can and show them your true self, make them feel loved and try to eliminate all the problems. But that is never enough. Why does someone expect so much from you but they disappear when you need them the most? Why when you need help and comforting and most of all love, why does everyone just vanish into thin air, and you wake up alone stranded in your own messed up mind with no sense of direction, lost in the twisting realms of insecurity, loneliness, and sorrow? And there is the part when someone amazing shows up. Someone perfect. But you just don't have the strenght and the will power to pull through. And that person walks away. And there you remain.

Alone.

Otherwise, it looks amazing! I loved the idea! Keep writing

Wow, that was amazing. Really sad, but amazing. You transfer your flow of thoughts to paper very well. You incorporate a wide range of things so that everyone has at least one thing that relates to them in this monologue, which is part of the reason why I think that it is so good! Besides the errors that were stated above, I found nothing wrong with this. Very good job! Take care of yourself, and keep writing (you are very good at it).