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Make Up The Worst Possible Opening Line Ever

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Sat Jun 11, 2011 2:58 am
ire123 says...

so then i told him no way ill ever g out with a jerk like...and besides im a chick thankyou very much.

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Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:56 pm
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fading-dream says...

This was from a departmental type school exam:

"I opened my eyes and suddenly realized I had time traveled to..."
We had to write a story with this opening line. How can you possibly wake up and suddenly realized that you time traveled? It was just awful overall.
Current Project: Otherworld (Novel) - 11,000 words so far
Latest Story: Overflowing Emotions.
Past stories: Burning Apart, The Beast, Binding Darkness - Ch. 1, What David Taught Me, The Banquette, Mirror of Memories, Leaving Humanity, Little Green Men, Six Days

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Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:14 am
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noninjaes says...

They slowly raced across the intersection, knowing that any sign of exuberant speed would get them disqualified from the race.

That's my try, I'll see if it can get any worse.
Lots of these bad openings are quite funny. The funny ones that are horrible in a good way would really grip me into a story. Man, I never thought of putting 'Person creeping' in my characters thoughts when writing a comedy.
Ah, the wonders of ridiculously horrible stories that end up being really funny.
Noni Naps Through Nano
NaPoWriMo 2016
Stories Not Otherwise My Own

The Three Ninjateers
Being awesome since Jan 2012.

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5 Reviews

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Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:36 pm
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mephet says...

- There was wind in the air. And I was sad.
- Mark thought that I was stupid, but didn't say it.
Blessed are the legend-makers with their rhyme / of things not found within recorded time. - J. R. R. Tolkien: Mythopoeia ┃ avatar

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Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:33 pm
Priceless says...

My life sucks. :mrgreen:
We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

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Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:09 pm
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McMourning says...

Dude, I need you to listen to me.
"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices, " Captain Kathryn Janeway

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83 Reviews

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Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:32 pm
SubjectBlue says...

It's not very creative- but you'll have to agree it's a pretty bad opening line
'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.' -Stephen G. Tallentyre

"Great minds think alike- idiots are unpredictable"

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56 Reviews

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Tue Nov 22, 2011 4:15 pm
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Napier says...

Once upon a time on a dark and stormy night, deep in the ever-so-scary woods, a dark wizard was conjuring spells and creating an evil plan.
“It is the tale, not he who tells it.”
― Stephen King

“If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”
― Stephen King

Formerly BadlyDrawnLightning

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Tue Nov 22, 2011 5:12 pm
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Blues says...


Baaaaasically, I know you're reading the first page to see if you like the book. I'll be awesome like I am and tell you that Fred dies, Mike gets kidnapped, Mom gets shot, I end up with the hot dude and everyone else lives happily ever after.

I just saved you 10 quid, mate.
Last edited by Blues on Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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6 Reviews

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Tue Nov 22, 2011 7:52 pm
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KFMATA says...

I didn't make this up. Please tell me I'm not the only one that thinks this is funny.

"Lydia skipped along the bright and crowded and busy hallways of her high school where all the girls glared at her hair and beautiful skin that reflected silver and gold in the sun shining through the windows. She knew really hard in that it was her true time to reveal the lifetime secret she had been keeping her entire atrocious life from everyone she ever knew in this in cold and busy dark world. As she walked into her homeroom class she sat in her usual spot next to one of her gorgeous guy friend with blonde hair who has liked her since they first met."

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158 Reviews

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Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:26 am
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Payne says...

Ah, I've found my happy place! Writing quite badly is the one thing I can do quite well. Here's mine:

The tall man sat down quickly, crossing his legs neatly and trying to look casual as the pretty middle-aged waitress approached with a heaping plate of steaming and delicious-smelling fresh whole-wheat pancakes balanced on one hand and a cup of steaming coffee in the other. "Can I get you anything else?" She said cheerfully.
I aim to misbehave.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? --Steven Wright

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152 Reviews

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Sat Dec 10, 2011 9:51 pm
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Niebla says...

John Venezuela, a stolid man with bulky muscles and nose the size of a small chimney, liked nothing more than to stand in front of house windows with his nose pressed up the glass, staring at the inhabitants with his eyes very slightly crossed eyes and wondering just how nice the earwax inside of their ears would taste - he remembered fondly the time he had thought, for a moment, that it tasted just like gnocci - and wondering what kind of sound they would emit if he were to sit on their chests until all the air inside of them was forced to escape in a fragrant cloud like vapour from an air freshner; sometimes they groaned, other times they moaned, but he felt very sure that Dolly Henkinson's final noise would be a very distinct "Aknee" almost as if she was talking about teenage pimples; what's more, he felt very sure that the sound would be like music to his ears, making his heart beat unsteadily and the world swim in front of his eyes as he collapsed in a faint swoon.

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Sun Dec 25, 2011 2:06 am
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BlueAfrica says...

Lol! Some of these were SO funny! I would actually keep reading a lot of stories that started with these - assuming they were comedies. If the authors meant them seriously it would instead be rather painful to read...

Here's the opening to a story my best friend and I were writing (meant to be bad, it's a parody of everything!):

"Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land far, far away, it was a dark and stormy night. (Actually, it was a bright and sunny morning, seventy-five degrees Fahrenheit, with a slight breeze from the southeast.)"

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Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:19 pm
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Isabel1206 says...

Hahahah, I actually couldn't stop laughing about the Andre one.. and most of the others afterwards made me laugh as well.

I honestly can't think of anything much worse after reading those..?
But how about..

Johnny was a fair young lad who worked at the shipyard from dusk till dawn, as most boys is his family did. The only problem was that Johnny wasn't actually a boy; he was a pigeon, and no one had realized.
“ By means of inking symbols onto a page, she was able to send thoughts and feelings from her mind to her reader's. It was a magical process, so commonplace that no one stopped to wonder at it. ”

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Thu Feb 09, 2012 2:22 am
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xxFleetingEternity says...

Every ten seconds, the main character will stop to reflect on the inevitablility of death and despair, which is not only a waste of your time, but the author's writing talents. So, wanna go stuff it where the sun doesn't shine and pick another book?

(That would be mine.)
My silence is my sound...
Turn your wounds into your wisdom.

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
— Stanislaw Jerszy Lec