It's definitely interesting, and implies a lot of conflict. I want to know who the speaker is, because the language is fairly structured/"educated" and that narrows the range of possibilities down. I also want to know how many attempts were suggested and how many is "that many." Aka, I'll read on for sure.
But, it's a question that almost promises an info dump in response. A dialogue info dump, but an info dump nonetheless. Unless it's a simple "Yes." In which case the info dump explaining everything is just put off.
Just three beating hearts--that was what they were.
I don't fangirl. I fandragon.
Have you thanked a teacher lately? You should. Their bladder control alone is legend.
There's a lot of good description in this sentence, it seems like a lot to swallow at first. Great job!
The sound of screaming shook me awake at 3 am, leaving me with no hope at all.
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.
I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
It's mostly the dialogue quotes; I'm not sure if this is actual dialogue (which I doubt, but it's confusing) or a description. If it's a description then I'd want a little bit more, so probably closer to a 9/10 ~
I stopped running behind a corner, waiting for the assassin to come to me.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo
Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
9 - I like it. I'm immediately thinking about why she/he's running before I've finished the sentence, then why an assasain is after her. And why he/she is waiting for the assasain to come to him/her.
Being dead is one of those things you can never get used to.
- From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it -
- If the doctor told me I had 6 minutes left to live, I'd type faster -
8 - Interesting, but not very attention grabbing. I wouldn't be too fussed about reading the rest of the book, but I think that the paragraph following this line - if written the right way - could increase my attention and enthusiasm ten fold.
The sun shone as the two armies faced each other.
- From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it -
- If the doctor told me I had 6 minutes left to live, I'd type faster -
7/10 Not bad, not bad at all. It makes me curious as to why the character is going to die-- what led up to that statement?
Here's mine, though I think I'll need to work on it:
The entire craft was filled with an unnerving drone-- an alert siren. It seemed almost immediate that the airship began its descent to the cliffs below.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky
of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home
or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart) — e.e. cummings
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Reviews: 1272