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Post Funny Stuff You Wrote As A Kid



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Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:18 am
Monki says...



So, I thought it would be cool if we created a thread like this and posted some stuff we wrote as little aspiring writers! xD

I know some of us here are still considered "kids", but I didn't know what else to title it, so :p

Anywho... as soon as someone else is brave enough to post theirs, I'll post mine that I found from like... second grade. xD It's terrible. I found a notebook that I used to write in when I was in second/third grade and it's completely filled up. I'll post some of that. :)

So, come on! Amuse us!
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Harry Potter: "At first, I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book."
  





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Thu Jan 15, 2009 2:57 am
silverSUNLIGHTx says...



haha, this was a few years ago. You can tell why I no longer pursue fantasy. :]

It was like floating in a dream every time I ran through Serenity Meadow.
The whole meadow seemed to have a pulse, casting a hypnotic rhythm throughout the valley. I let it control me as I sprinted through it, thus becoming part of the ground, and the grass, and the wind. There was a steady tug at my wings, trying to keep me in the air, but I ignored it. I’d pick running over flying any day. This was my bubble; no one could touch me while my legs kept the steady pulse of the land, pounding the soil as I ran. The warm spring wind swirled in tune with the beat of nature as the vertical cliff at the end of Serenity became near.
When I was across the meadow, I stopped my sprint and plopped myself down at the trunk of a thick-barked tree to catch my breath. I turned to face it and breathed in deeply, paying my respects to it for supplying my lungs with oxygen. It’s glossy exterior warmed as I laid my delicate hand across its surface.
A small vibration came from my purse that was resting on my leg. I smiled and opened the burlap flap. A tiny luff came shooting out of the small opening. I giggled and held out my hands. My best friend, Aye, settled into them and nuzzled my palms with his soft, veiny wings.
I giggled warmly. Aye fluttered his wings and flew in circles around my head. I laid back and rested against the trunk of the tree. My waist-long, pale blond hair spilled around my arms as I twirled it in my subtle fingers. My green eyes fluttered and I could feel my body letting go of consciousness little by little. Aye had now settled against my legs and his steady breathing calmed me like a lullaby. I was just about to fall dead asleep when a long screeching sound filled the meadow.
I jumped up so fast I got dizzy. “Lilleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei!!!!!!” it shrieked. I lunged for my purse and pulled out the bottle of lyrics. “Shhhhh.” I pleaded, tapping the bottle. I didn’t want Nemian to disrupt the pulse of the meadow. The blue mist inside suddenly turned into the face of a familiar old man.
“Lillei! I cannot believe you stole me again! I should have you do time with Esmeralda! Oh boy, that will teach you!” Nemian shouted at me.
“Nemian, please understand.” I said, giving him the sweetest look possible.
He was shaking his head, “Lillei, what am I going to do with you. I’m supposed to be back at the Academy so I can give advice to the other students. I cannot do that if you keep stealing me right off the shelf while I’m sleeping.” He sputtered, shaking his head to the beat of his words.
“Well, I needed advice.” I said, trying to look even more innocent than I already was.
“Then what?” asked Nemian, the wrinkles on his thousand year old face knitted into a skeptical look as he stared at me, waiting for an answer.
--->Don't forget we've got unfinished business. Stories yet to unfold, tales that must be retold.
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Thu Jan 15, 2009 3:49 am
Carlito says...



Ha! I had the same idea to make a board like this once I came across all of the things I wrote in elementary/middle school. There is a great folder of fourth grade things that are just gems :)

Here is an excerpt from a story I wrote in fifth grade called Felicha Swisser. It was supposed to be funny. Now the only thing funny about it is how amazingly awful it is! :D

“Howdy! How are ya’ll doing out there?” Felicha called out to a crowd. Felicha is a tall, medium-sized women. She is a 23-year-old Texan and loves to perform. She has medium color skin, dark hair, and brown eyes. Felicha is a comedian. “Hey, ya’ll. Want to hear some funny stories?” Felicha questioned.
“Yaaaaaaaaaahh!!!” screamed the audience.
Felicha explained, “All right! Now this story happened when I was about 11 years old and I was in my mom’s car. We were driving. Well, I don’t know where we were going. I think we were driving just to drive. At an intersetion, all of the sudden, I saw this madman with long, wild hair. I looked inside his car and the steering wheel was missing. A huge gust of wind came and the madman’s hair flew off! It was a wig. He was really ugly and bald.”
The audience burst out laughing and clapping, and this was a live show that people would be watching all over the WORLD!
“All right, all right,” The clapping died down. Felicha replied, “Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.” Then she started doing a dance imitation of Elvis.
A man in the crowd yelled, “Nice Elvis!” The crowd started laughing and clapping again.
“All right, all right.” the girl said jokingly. The crowd would not stop laughing and clapping. Felicha said nervously, “OK, that’s enough.” The crowd laughed harder. Some even started to burst out in tears from laughter. “There will be a brief intermission.” called Felicha, as she ran off the stage. The audience is doubled over in laughter and tears of joy.
Backstage Felicha asked her manager, “Why were the people going crazy out there? I wasn’t that funny.”
The manager replied, “Because I let out George.”
“Who’s George?” Felicha asked.
The manager explained that George is a monkey that sometimes comes out to rile up the audience. George is small and brown, his stomach and the tip of his tail is a lighter brown.
Felicha answered, “You wrecked my whole show on purpose with a monkey!”
The manager replied, “Yes, I did do it on purpose.”
“And why would you do that?” Felicha questioned.
The manager answered, “It looked liked your audience was getting bored.”
“Bored!” Felicha said surprisingly, “They were anything but bored. They were laughing their heads off.”
“With the help of George!” her manager replied.
“Whatever.” Felicha answered, “You’re fired!”
Her manager answered, “You can’t fire me, I’m your manager!”
Felicha asked, “Do you want to take the matter to court?”
“No,” her manager answered.
“Fine then, I have to go do my job,” Felicha said and went back on to a cheering stage.
Her manager called back, “Fine. Go. I don’t need you.” With that he left and went to his office with George.
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

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Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:05 pm
CastlesInTheSky says...



Written when I was 6 years old. Slightly...deranged.

CANDLE THE ROBOT

There was once a young robot called Candle. He had a mum called Ice-Cream and a dad called Candy-Floss. But he wanted to be a real boy: he hated being all metal and iron and hard plastic and not flesh and skin and bones. So one day, he announced to Ice-Cream, who was ironing the frock of his little sister Sweet, and to Candy-Floss, who was reading the daily Robot newspaper “I want to be a real boy!”

His parents hid their laughter and Ice-Cream said “Oh, a boy. Well, you are giving me a big thing to do!” she forced herself to not have hysterics, “And, anyway, don’t you like being a robot? You talk the same when you’re a robot, you eat the same things, you dress the same way………….”

“And, well! What’s all this nonsense about being a robot!” boomed Candy-Floss, who could be quite fierce. He started singing a song, at least I think it went something like this: The life of a robot, the life of a robot, the life of a robot, what could be more cooler? Tra-la-la-tra-la-la-tra-la-la-tra-la!

The life of a robot, the life of a robot, the life of a robot, what could be easier? Hum-tum-tum, hum-tum-tum-hum-tum-tum-hum-tum!

The life of a robot, the life of a robot, the life of a robot, what could be GREATER? Doodle-poodle-doodle-poodle-poodle-doodle-poodle-doodle!

THE LIFE OF A ROBOT!
THE LIFE OF A ROBOT!
THE LIFE OF A ROBOT!”

Then Candle understood, and he never let not being a human spoil his life again.

THE END
Had I the heavens embroider'd cloths,
I would spread the cloths under your feet.
But I being poor, have only my dreams,
So tread softly, for you tread on my life.
  





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Sat Jan 24, 2009 4:55 pm
Chloe(: says...



I wrote this in 3rd grade. It is weird . . .
It's a fanfic for "A Wrinkle in Time"
It's pretty long

Hi! My name is Alexandra. I am Meg’s Grand daughter. My favorite activity is tessering. My Grandma and her brothers and sisters have been saving planets fighting the black thing one by one (Just so you know, Meg and Calvin have married). I used to go to. But I couldn’t do it since I got lost. When I was seven I got very lost. We were at Zoolog land, the land of the animals and I took a break and played in the flamingo pool and somehow that was a trap and that took me out into space. I haven’t tessered since. When I got back and found my family they weren’t too happy. The said I should watch out at planets like that and was banned from tessering.
“Lexi! We have some bad news!” that was my mom. I could hear the sobbing in the background.
Great what now? My life is full of bad news.
“What mom?”
“Ummm uh your grandma was tessering and uh uh the black thing got her and she fffrozzze. Bbbbiggg freeeeeezzze. Mommy!!!!!!!!! Uhhhh the beasts from Ixchel tried to save her but she was already dead!” Wow! I have never seen my mom like this. I felt like crying too and I did. “And we need someone to take her place in the planet save.” My mom sniffled. “ Do you want to go Lex? Do you? Your brother is only 3 and your father and I get sick whenever we tesser. You are 13 now.”
“Would I?” I said with my eyes wiiiiide open. “Of course I would! Of course! Of course! Of course! Of course!”
“I’m glad you are happy but you should be sad about Megs uh death.”
“Yes mom.”
“Okay. We have her funeral in 2 hours so get dressed. After that we’ll explain to you about planet bounce.”
“Planet what?”
“Bounce. Now hurry up! I have to get to my mom’s funeral!”


“Ppplaaaaaanettttt bbbbbbouncccce isssssss tttttttttthe pppplanett offffff bbbbbouncccccy bbbbbballs!” Mrs. Which said
“Huh?” I said
“A planet that is full of bouncy balls with faces and arms and legs and on those arms there are three fingers and there are no toes on their feet. They love to roll, bounce, and tickle!” said Mrs. Whatsit
“What’s wrong with that?” I said
“The rolling and bouncing has turned into squishing and the tickling has turned into scratching!” Calvin replied
“Oh! What can we do?” I asked
“We have to make our choices very carefully. Meg died using the wrong choice, to try something alone.” Charles Wallace said
“Alex, Charles, Calvin, stay together. Meg did a lot by doing that. If you do that you’ll be fine.”
“I give you pride, all of you. Charles, like before, do not leave your group. Do not get scratched or squished. Find the queen and her family. They are the only bouncies that don’t scratch and squish. But they have other quirks, be aware of that. No matter what you do, act as nice and polite as possible.” Mrs. Whatsit said
“SSSSaaaannnnnnnnndyyyyys annnddd DDDDDDDDDDDDennnyyys are wwwwwaiting ffforr yoou.”
“They have had a tough time by themselves. They do not know that Meg has died.”
There was a flicker like in the tales Meg has told me, and we were gone. We arrived in a happy jolly planet with a big war in the place that looked like a farm. Sandys and Dennys were there. We decided to look for a place where a queen would live.
“Well this is hard. So many houses. The city is miles away. How do balls move around to far distances?” I complained
“They roll. And we could too!” Sandys said
“How?” I asked.
Poof! In a flash, we looked like little balls.
“Ohhhhhhh I’m fat!” said Dennys
“Get over it! Everybody here will be fat” Charles Wallace said
We started rolling.
“Woww is that the palace?” I said
“Yes the grand palace!” Calvin said
“OHHHHHHH I ‘m gonna meet the queen!” Dennys said.
“Bouncy queen.” I corrected

“Good morning bouncies. What have you came for?” said the queen
“We have come to help save this planet from eternal death.” Charles Wallace replied.
“Well don’t expect me to help you!” the queen boomed, ”Why did you come see me?” she exclaimed
“ Umm uh well uh we.” I said
“Go see my family! Ask them! They might help you. But I won’t help you.” The queen boomed again. Wow I guess the queens quirk is anger issues.
“Good morning, I am Zachary the queens husband.” He looked like a friendly young ball. “Oh I know your type you young bouncy!” he was pointing at me! “Always just staring at authority like they aren’t anything but a snotty tissue. Well You know what? I’m not going to help you!” he had anger issues too.
“Okay, so what are you weirdo’s doing here”? I mean I am not around here to play with a bunch of geeks.” Her phone rang. “Oh hi Marissa! Wanna go to the mall? Sure! Bye! And that means Buh Bye geeks!” her problem is rudeness
“Uhhk gu gu gaga thhhhh wu wu” said a baby
“Owwww!” I said. This baby was pulling my hair
“No help to us!” Calvin said.
“Tra la la la la! Our journey! To Ernie is done!!!!” said a little ball who was singing songs from Sesame street.
“Hi!” I said.
“You wanna play?” she asked. “Oh I have dress up, dolls, oh and I can show you the vault where all the secrets of the army is in. Right now our army is trying to fight the black thing. Everybody except for us is hurting each other.”
“How about we go see the army stuff?” Sandys said.
“Oh can you help?” she asked, “My friends are fighting and I’m all lonely.”
“Sure! That’s what we are here for.” I replied
“Oh awesome! I have a plan! But nobody could help me because I have been all alone.”
“So what’s your plan?” I asked
“Okay, so two of us collect ballberries and another two of us collect bally powder. And two brave ones must defeat the ballabububibabebebo. You have to take a bucket of its blood.
“We can do it! Sandys and I! We have been super brave since we were babies.” Dennys said.
“Well okay use this bucket to collect it all then come back here.”
“Ay ay Captain!” the twins said in unison
“Calvin and I will collect Bally powder.” Charles Wallace said.
“For that you go to the Planet bounce desert and there are shedding balls everywhere. They are shedding like crazy. Take these buckets and get 4 buckets full and come back!”
“Right on!” Charles Wallace said
As soon as they all left the little ball explained to me what we were going to do to get the ballberries.
“Okay so we go to the magic ballberry bush and collect a bucket full.”
She pulled out a huge bucket.
“So what is this magic bush?”
“Its where all the magic berries are. But whatever you do don’t eat them.”
. . .
“Okay so we have to get some of these ball’s powder, but how?” Calvin said.
“At all these post’s of course.” Charles said.
“Okay”
They tried getting some powder in one of the buckets but the balls got all mad at them.
“Okay. How are we supposed to get powder now?”
“Ooooh this feels good.”
“Awesome! We are balls now so we can shed!”
“Okay! I’ll shed you get the powder!”
“Right on!”
. . .
“How are we supposed to defeat this ballabubuuuuu whatever.” Dennys said.
“UMM UH BEHIND YOU!” Sandys said in a very shaky voice.
“Come on Sandy we are brave.” He turned around “Uhh hi!”
“WHO DARE SAY WHATEVER TO HALF OF MY NAME!” said the fierce creature
Right then blood went out of his mouth. Enough to fill their bucket. Quickly they ran away.
“So I got a little on my shirt but that doesn’t matter.” Dennys said
“I don’t think so. But boy was that scary!”
. . .
“We have all of our things so we have to mix them together. Along with this mega back of magic sugar.”
“Hey you little helpful ball. You haven’t told us your name!” Charles Wallace said
“Balina the great!”
“Hey these berries are great!” Charles said
“You ATE THE BERRIES? Those are poison you will die in about ten seconds after you eat one.” Balina said
“Ahhhhheeeeeeuhhhhh” Charles was dead.
“Oh no! What Have I done?”
“Here is the blood!” Dennys said
Dennys and Sandys dropped down to the floor. Umm now they are dead too! I wish I never said yes to tessering. It is too painful. The twins died because of the ballabububibabebebo
“Umm you guys are on your own. Mix all the ingredients together. See what happens. I can’t stand killing you guys on accident. I hope I’m not under the curse too!” Balina said. In a flash she was out the door into the open world of balls.
“Ummm well I guess its just me and you.” Calvin dropped to the floor
“Or just me.”
Well I’ll just mix up all the ingredients like Balina said. I cried. So hard that tears were streaming down into the cauldron that held it all. Suddenly a silver ball appeared.
“I am your object at last scene squeeze me and tell me your ten wishes.” Said the ball
“I want Meg back. I want Charles Wallace back. Calvin back. Dennys back. Sandys back. I want for all of Planet bounce to be back in peace.” Now its time for fun wishes “I want to live in a mansion. It will have an arcade. It will have a pool. And nobody will ever tease me again.”
We all appeared at my house. My new house. Meg, Calvin, Charles Wallace, and the twins. Now I know that Planet bounce is safe. I will definitely going to tesser again. I feel good about myself. And that’s the greatest feeling in the world.
Formerly known as Vivacious.

Full of Cliches:a challenge to see who can write a piece with the most cliches.
  





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Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:40 am
KnightlyAngel09 says...



This is the first part of the first poem I ever wrote. 'Tis the only part I remember.

One windy day
As I was on my way
I wore a flowered hat
That the wind blew away.

Epic isn't it? :lol:
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you.:)
  





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Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:47 pm
Monki says...



xxD *won't post my own as to not be embarrassed* Mine are simply horrible. xD All of yours are epic, award-winning compared to mine.
Tom Riddle: "You read my diary?"
Harry Potter: "At first, I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book."
  





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Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:16 pm
Carlito says...



In 7th grade during the poetry unit we had to make a portfolio of different kinds of poetry. I did every single poem about dogs because I was a freak back then :)
Here's one of them...it's an 'end rhyme' called "Irish Setter": (I'm not changing any of the spelling mistakes I made :))

Long beautiful red hair
Hanging there like they don’t care
Take forever to clean and brush
Hopfully you’re not in a rush
If you don’t brush them their hair will mat
You’ll have to shave them like a rat
They look so pretty when there showed
Hopfully you’ll know
What that dog is out there
With that really long red hair
You’ll know that it’s an Irish Setter
Their coats are as soft as some feathers
They have pretty ears
They have no fears
Now after you have read this poem
After you have gone home
Write a letter
To someone who breeds Irish Setters
So you can have one of your own
Make sure you play with it at home
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

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Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:36 pm
Blink says...



xD I found it! Now, my first poem:

There once was a shark,
His friends called him Clark.
He swam to the beach
So he could teach
The humans to get away from his park.

James he likes to fish,
Has been excellent since his wish.
He threw his line at the dark
Pulled out Noah’s ark
So he decided he needed a bigger dish.

And:

*******

A flamingo stared at a fashion magazine on her bed but nobody cared.

*******

“Oh no!”

“What are we going to do?”

“I do not no.”

“Where is the saviour? We need the chosen one!”

People were dying everywhere. On the roofs in the bedrooms and even under the ground. It was scary and King Ethindiareous would not have any of it. He knew that he had to destroy the box that contained all the evil in the world but had to get the sword with the evil wizard’s blood on it to do that. He rain across the field and tried to find it but he was worried and killed everyone to be on the safe side.

He suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and took a hostage.

“Save us King Ethindiareous!”

XD XD XD XD XD
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Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:25 pm
How2EataRhesus says...



One of my few attempts at poetry, written when I was in the second grade:

Right when you least expect it,
Angels pop out
They dance around the throne of Him,
Careless the action is dim.
You surely won't regret it.

And so I mostly do prose now. =P
'Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.' - Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald
  





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Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:35 pm
Nutty says...



He rain across the field and tried to find it but he was worried and killed everyone to be on the safe side.

He suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and took a hostage.

“Save us King Ethindiareous!”


LOL! How very cute.
I don't know where the exercise book with my stories are...
It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache.
  





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Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:33 pm
Lauren says...



These are all very funny :D No offence.


I was about eleven/twelve when I wrote these. Scarily not that long ago. Back then I suppose I thought myself a poet!! How wrong was it.
[You cannot fathom how much I cringe as I post this, but some masochistic quality in me makes me do it...]

1.

In my myths of silent sea;
And fables of raging storms;
Lest I dream of battered ships;
Things that make thou scream

In open-battle fields with knights and guards;
Hopelessly I reach for life;
But as an outsider, a prophet;
I cannot tell of truth nor help

Tortured am I;
With a blade to my throat;
Tendrils of once jolly lives;
Captivating me with smoke

2.

On sitting on a frosty porch;
And remembering about my life;
I feel no pain, indeed I do not;
I feel a feeling that only God may explain

Perhaps I have been greedy;
Or malevolent, or sly;
Maybe I have cried to much, or too little;
I know not which is I

Lovers have come, and have gone;
Friends have been, and have perished;
Thoughts have dictated my reasoning;
These I feel with a serenity of numb

Be it not of me to lick my wounds;
For wounds I have none;
I merely have scratches, cuts, and bruises;
These are put to one

So see me off, at the docks;
I shall be on my way;
Half to destruction, half to rebirth;
Neither shall haunt me, such as is worse
  





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Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:30 pm
Trikky says...



hahaha... In third grade mine were all about either aliens or Indians or panthers or random stuff I read about. There was also a full journal of a story about the Bermuda Triangle... it was really random. There were panthers who would be 'cat burglars' and dragons and bullfights and old asian magicians... it was pretty crazy. I obviously hadn't heard of 'plot' or 'logic' yet. xD
"God is dead." -Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead." -God
  





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Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:12 am
Carlito says...



while doing a mass re-organization of my room I came across a few of the terrif things I wrote in 2nd grade. We had writing time every day and it was my favorite.
These are two things I found. I'm gonna type them exactly as I wrote them so you get the full sense of my amazing spelling abilities :D


Today is Thursday April fifteenth. Tomorrow will be Friday April sixteenth. I weat to florada it was fun. I went to wot dizenawod. "We are going to the arpot," said Dad. "We are going to go to florada" said Mom. Mom whut are you doing? Mom can I get a cat? Cary
This is funny because I never went on an airplane until I was in 9th grade. The ending makes absolutely no sense, I've never really wanted a cat. I also misspelled my own name :O

Me and Molly go to Rusa.
One day Molly and Carly ask if there chuod go to Rusa and she said No. "You have gon to Jupan you have gon to China you have gon to the GC, you are not going to Rusa" One day when we where 15 we got to go to Rusa. One Muday nubers. On Today they did someing fun. On Wenday they lred culers. On Thrday they did someing fun nad on friday they whet home. They toed there mom that they had a good time and the whoted to go back and some day they whod.
So I wrote this little series of 'adventure stories' about me and my best friend Molly going various places. At the time, I knew what the GC was. I have no idea now :D
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

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