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Simile/Metaphor Feedback



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Sat Oct 27, 2007 8:07 pm
Kylan says...



Rules are simple:

Post a simile or metaphor that you've come up with and that you think is especially unique or clever. Give feedback to the person who has posted above you with a rating and a short comment.

I'll go first.

Allah – giant, arcane, terrible – was a concept that brought up images of broken towers, gushing smoke like blood from a jugular artery, downtown plazas littered with charred bodies and concrete blocks the size of train cars.

-Kylan
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado
  





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Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:46 pm
Rydia says...



8/10 - some lovely imagery Kylan.

Colourful fountains erupted mid air as sparkling waterfalls cascaded over dancing rocks. Each firework was then left to simultaneously melt into the sky like hot butter on toast.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.
  





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387 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 27175
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Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:22 am
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Kylan says...



9/10. Butter into to toast... I could immediatley picture it. Scrumptious. Absolutley tasty. However, think of switching the simile to "butter into hot toast", because generally the butter is room temp. and the toast is right out of the toaster.

A million eventualities popped into his mind and then dissolved out like loose spiderwebs.

-Kylan
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado
  





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Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:28 am
PenguinAttack says...



7/10
I like the spiderwebs, could almost see them flying in the wind, but I think removing "out" would fit better.


The last climber on Everest; her thoughts slowed til frozen in the gale of her fear.


*Hearts* Le Penguin.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  








A beautiful funeral doesn't guarantee Heaven.
— Haitian Proverb