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Sun Feb 06, 2005 9:13 pm
Make up the worst and possibly stupidest story ever. This is great for when you're having writers block- you're having so much fun NOT trying to do well and not editing you don't really realize how much you've written.
I'll try in a minute.
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.
- Demetri Martin
Sun Feb 06, 2005 9:58 pm
Im a dog, okay Im not just any dog, Im a human, if you get my drift. I like sniffing up human's butt. Its a common love, just like chocolate. So day by day I great humans and sometimes dogs (MEN) by sniffing up their butt. One day it didnt go as I planned.
I sat down, my tounge dripping from me just drinking out the bowl. I let my tounge dry out in the hot, baking sun. A young but handsome man walked up the steps and chapped my owners door. I got up and as usual I tried to sniff his butt.
"Blah ablah!" Said the cute human,
He tryed pushing me away, but like I cared? NO. After two minutes of trying to sniff his butt, (I had no idea why he wouldn't let me) I gave up and sat in the spot I was before. My owner answered the door, his hair was a mess! His boxer shorts were yellow because he couldn't be bothered to change them.
"Blah doblach bleh blachy bleh sniff blah butt" Shouted the cute human,
I stared at him shouting at my owner. He wasn't paying any attion to me, so without thinking I ran up to him and smelt his warm butt. Oh what bliss....
Mon Feb 07, 2005 4:01 am
Hello, my name is Fred, and this is my life. Well, not really because my life isn't really this one so yeah. My name isn't even Fred, but oh well anyway. This is an essay on pickles, bbut it isn't an essay, but it's about pickles. They are green, but not too green, more like greenish-brown. But sometimes they have yellow in them...like squah. But I'm not talking about sqush, I'm talking about pickles. Stupid sqush, reminds me of my bug Fifi, who's name was Fifi. (It might have been Edmond...but Fifi sounds right.) So anyway, I like pickles, but not right now I wouldn't want a pickle, because I don't feel like one. I mean of course I don't feel like a pickle, because I'm not a pickle I'm a human, most of the time. What I meant was I don't feel like EATING a pickle. I wonder what happens to cucumbers to make them into pickles. Could you sit there and WATCH a cuke turn into a pickle? They're basically like fermented cucumbers. Speaking of all of that, could you watch juice ferment? That might take a while, but it would be pretty cool. I think I'll go eat a pickle...or juice...or something. (Can you say bye in an essay that isn't really an essay?) If so, Bye, if not,...The End.
"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun." -Al Capone
Mon Feb 07, 2005 4:22 pm
I looked out of the window and there was this green stuff. The green stuff was emerald and shiny, and very green. It moved quickly to the door and hit me in the face and I fell backwards and my cat laughed so I kicked it really hard and then laughed at it but then the green thingy kicked me and stuff. So I pulled out a machine gun and shot it millions and billions of times until it burst into millions and billions of pieces and it was funny. So I laughed. And stuff.
Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:44 pm
I like food. Food is the best thing in the whole universe. so one day i was eating food and I was walking down the street while eating food. I ate my food and went to FedEx Kinko's (see, their ad campaign's working on me!!) and ate food while I did stuff. Then I ate more food and I went outside while eating food. Then I was hit by a bus while eating food.
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.
- Demetri Martin
Tue Feb 08, 2005 5:01 pm
Dude, there was like, this picture, like, in my grandma's basement. And it was like, my dad in the 70's. And I look at it and I'm all "Dude! Your clothes are like backwards!" I mean, seriously. It was like, a khaki shirt with like, plaid pants. And they were like blue. And I was all "Gosh my paternal parental unit was like, even sadder back then. Dude!" Totally.
I'm not joking about that picture. It actually exists.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
"You need a reason to be sad. You don't need a reason to be happy." DJ, "Sideways Stories from Wayside School"
Wed Feb 09, 2005 6:48 am
Once the sky was blue. And then just as suddenly it was orange. Well one day, or was it night? I can't remember which it was now. Oh yes, it wasn't night or day because the sky was orange, and not blue (day) or black (night. So once upon a time under the orange sky someone dropped a pink cauliflower in the middle of the road. It got run over, by a purple truck which was really lime green. The truck didn't even notice, because it was a machine and therefore incapable of noticing anything, and continued to drive along. Then it hit a blue dog disgused as a violet elephant. The truck, which was actually a forklift, then fell down a pothole 3cm wide. The dog, which I just discovered was not a dog. It was a mouse disgused as a dog, disgused as violet elephant with a broken foot from where the truck, which was really a van pretending to be a forklift, hit it. Anyway ... the mouse disgusing to be a blue dog, disguing as a violet elephant (which looks green in the light from the brown sun wrapped in pokadotted cellophane) died when its foot turned purple and bit the lady lady next door who beat it to death with her wig (which was really a squirrel pretending to be a wig).
Oh, you're angry! Click your pen.
--Music and Lyrics
Thu Feb 10, 2005 3:41 am
I like zebras. Zebras are very cool. Well, zebras arent that cool, llamas are even better. Well, I like the moon a lot. But not as much as cheese. Cheese is good. I like Monterey Jack cheese. I think cheddar cheese is nasty because its so like yellow and stuff, and its yellow and chewy and its like little chewy cheese thingys, but I guess cheddar is pretty good because its a cheese, but its not the best cheese because the best cheese is Monterey Jack. But then again, zebra cheese is good. Do you know how you make zebra cheese? Zebra cheese is really good, so I like it. I feel like telling a story now, but my teacher will get mad because this is sort of an essay on zebras. But its not an essay because Im not going to turn it in because I don't wanna. Did you ever see a zebra? I like zebras. Zebras are very cool. They fly really high up, but not as high as the moon. And maybe zeppelins, they go high. And puffins, I think they go quite high too. Then when they go down, they break their nose and it blows up into smithereens! I think the penguins are in cahoots with them. Well, its happened millions of cazillions of times, but I never saw it because I was writing my essay on zebras that I was supposed to turn into the teacher. I like the teacher. Although hes a guy, he smells nice. Very nice. But not as much as zebras. Zebras are cool. I like zebras. Aren't zebras cool? Wouldn't it be like so cool if my teacher was like a zebra and stuff. But zebras don't smell as good as cheese. Cheese is so good. I like cheese. But not as much as puffins. They blow up a lot. Actually they implode. Well actually they explode, then the banana has an allergic reaction so it implodes back up, but the air inside explodes, but then the banana reacts again and so I step on the banana. It was fun stepping on the banana. It was all like KAPLOOI! and stuff. So yeah, it was fun. Well, my teacher said that I have to write the essay, and he smells good so I'm going to do it. But I don't really like zebras. I feel like doing an essay on cheese now. Cheese is good. Its good for you, and its good. Very good, but not cheddar because thats like squishy and stuff. Then again you can put it in milk. But not cow milk, I like to dunk it in zebra milk. My teacher smells good today. The zebras are jealous. Then again, zebras don't really smell good. I like cheese. Did you ever see a puffin explode? Its cool, but the bananas dont like it. My teacher doesn't like it either, but he smells good. Then again, today hes not really smelling that good. Or is it just the zebras. I like zebras, they're very cool. Did you ever see a limpet eat a puffin who exploded after the banana had an allergic reaction because I stepped on it while I was writing an essay for my teacher who smells good even better than cheese and the essay was about zebras and stuff. So I better go turn this in, my teacher's gonna love it. But he doesn't smell so good today because the zebra sat on him. I like zebras, zebras are very cool.
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.
Thu Feb 24, 2005 2:12 pm
I like dogs. But I don't like it when they poop becaue it smells. I like dogs but I don't like it when they bite because it hurts. I like dogs but I don't like it when they steal my spot on the couch. I hate dogs. They poop, bite, and steal spots. But I love dogs. They're cool. They play. Did you know that they played? Isn't that so cool? One time I was like playing soccer with them. Soccer's cool but I sprain my ankle playing. I hate spraining my ankle. IT hurts. I cry when I do that. One time I was crying and my tears tasted like salt water. Tears have salt water in them! Did you know that they have salt water in them? It tastes sooo salty. Salts good but it's not good for you. Someone died from having too much salt. Maybe she was crying. I don't know her name. I'll call her Bertha. Wasn't Bertha cool? But I don't know her. I know she was awesome because that's what I have to say. Talking is cool. You can just ramble on. People have different voices. I have a medium voice. I ordered a medium pizza with broccoli. I hate broccoli. It's so green. Green used to be my favorite color but now it's orange. I'm painting my room orange. But I htink I might paint it blue. What was I syaing. Oh! Sorry, about htat folks. I like dogs. They poop a lot though. I'm sorry did I spoil your breakfast? I like dogs. I like orange. ANd piant isn't it expensive htouhg. I don't have any money. Isn't the new 20 dollar bill cool. I don't htink htey hsould've changed it hough. I like dogs. The end.
Sun May 31, 2009 7:30 pm
Once upon a time there was cow named mary. Now mary didn't like being cow, so she turned herself into a human. Only it went wrongt in the process so she turned out half human half cow. So she walked around town, half human half cow and people laughed at her. Even more than she hated being a cow, she hated people laughing her. So whenever someone laughed at her she would kick them in the face and they would stop laughing and Mary would start smiling.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Thu Jun 25, 2009 7:10 pm
There once was a lollipop that changed colours everyday. One day he was red. Then the next day he was blue. Then the next day he was yellow. Then the next day he was pink. Then he said, "EW PINK IS A GIRLY COLOUR!"
The people who heard him, shouted, "HEY THAT'S BEING SEXIST!"
One of the people who shouted was a witch. A feminist witch. She got mad at the lollipop so she cast a spell on him that made him pink for the rest of his life.
Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:15 am
I brushed my absolutely gorgeous blond hair while I gazed into a mirror, staring at my own blue orbs that stared back at me. "Suzy, you're so gorgeous!" my boyfriend cried as he ran into the room. He threw his arms around me and picked me up and spun me. He's the captain of the football team and so his muscles were big and hot against my almost anorexic-thin body. We left the house and went on a date where he continued to tell me how wonderful I am. We later got married - that day! His family is rich, too, so they bought us a house. And a puppy.
Ow! It... burns... I can't continue. xD
Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:36 pm
One time I picked up my phone and it was my brother's friend. And I didn't know how he got my cell phone number but he was cute, so I was kinda fine with it. Anyway, I picked up and said hi and then he said hi and then I said who is it and he said it's your brothers friend. and I went and knocked on my brothers door which was brown and he said hi and I said your friend is on my phone and I don't know why he called me and he said ok and opened the door and took the phone. And then he talked to him and when he stopped talking I took the phone back and then I found ten bucks because my brother told me that if you ever tell a boring story if you add that you faound ten bucks at the end of it, it makes it more interesting. THE END!
lol. That was kind of fun.
Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:37 am
So once upon a time there was this pickle, only he was pink. Nobody would eat him so he was filled with angst. Then he was thrown in the garbage and never seen again, but he really went to the dump and married a rat. The end.
Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:07 pm
Hello there! I'm a bubble, a really cool bubble! I was born just a second ago, I hope I don't pop because I love being a bubble! It's so much fun, you get to float in the sky with no one disturbing you and all- NOOOOO!!!!!
What a short life, poor little bubble....
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain
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