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Young Writers Society


Zharia: City of Ruins DT



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Thu Jan 24, 2013 10:04 am
seeminglymeaningless says...



Spoiler! :
[quote=griffinkeeper]The same rocks that struck the ship were the same ones that supported Marlon now. The fog had finally cleared and Marlon examined his predicament. He was several hundred yards off shore. He had been below deck when the rocks had torn the ship apart, but he had managed to grab his weapons and possessions. He examined them now with little enthusiasm. He had a knife, a bow, a quiver without arrows, a short sword, one hundred feet of rope, and a grappling hook.

Marlon removed his armor and stripped off his pants and shirt. He tied knots in the legs of his pants, and used his belt to tighten the waist end. With the shirt, he tied knots on the arms and neck. Marlon smiled as he remembered the time when the assassins had taken him to that cold lake and taught him how to turn his clothes into flotation devices. It was paying off.

His armor, grappling hook, short sword, bow, and quiver went into the ocean. The knife and the rope he kept, they would be essential to survival when he made it to shore. With the knife, he could make everything that he needed and with the rope, he could make shelter and climb.

He got into the water and the cold shocked him momentarily. He put the rope around his body, filled the shirt and pant floats with air, secured his knife, and began swimming to shore.

The journey took ten minutes of intense swimming and at the end of it Marlon found himself on shore, gasping for air and shivering from cold. Rocks lined the shore and Marlon regretted kicking his shoes off in the water. He moved away from the surf and warmed himself on the rocks. He untied his clothes and laid them out to dry, as well as the rope. Climbing with wet rope was not wise and it seemed to Marlon that he would have plenty of time to figure out his next move. He looked over and fifty feet away was a body.[/quote]

@Griffinkeeper: I tried to message you, but you were apparently offline, so I thought I'd bring it up here in the discussion topic. There are a few things I find odd about your post. One is that he was dressed in his armour on a ship that was travelling several weeks across the sea... Sailors generally dress lightly, as if they're washed overboard, they need to be able to float. The wearing of armour is a large flaw in my opinion, as a man dressed in armour probably would have drowned due to the weight, when the ship sunk.

Another questionable point is how your character threw his equipment into the sea when he woke up when he could have just placed them on the rock and retrieved them when he felt up to it after resting - you did mention that it was a good 10 minute swim, but this is certainly achievable when someone is well rested.

Additionally 100 feet of rope is 33 metres. That's a ludicrous amount of rope.

Finally, Firestarter mentioned that the crash happened without warning, so I'm not sure if your character actually would have had time to gather his possessions before the ship sunk.

If I'm wrong at all, please do say so! I haven't participated in a story book before =]
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Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:19 am
Firestarter says...



I locked it while I was working on my first post, and then YWS went down, and I went to bed. So I didn't have a chance to unlock it.

Glad you're all excited but you all could do with more patience!

EDIT I agree with seemingmeaningless, Grif. You wouldn't have armour and I doubt you'd have any of your possessions.

Quite liked the idea of spotting a body at the end though!
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Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:48 pm
Griffinkeeper says...



It had been a fool’s mission from the start, Stanndrik knew. Ancient artifact or not, it had been reckless of the Consortium to recruit a group of unknown quantities on a madcap chase of some rumour no doubt from the lips of a tavern wench. He had grit his teeth and accepted the strange recruits to his mercenary company. Odds and ends, all of them, thieves and slaves and orcs and all sorts. Talented, no doubt; he had put them through their paces after all. But he wouldn’t trust one of them. But the Consortium decreed they needed new blood and new blood Stanndrik had found.


Since the ship is full of dangerous and untrusted folk, wearing light armor while on the ship is a reasonable precaution. Particularly if you were sleeping. In my minds eye, Marlon was asleep when the wreck occurred. He woke up, grabbed his equipment, which would be next to him, and then jumped ship. If he had time, he would have grabbed food.

The amount of rope isn't ludicrous at all, if anything it is too little. Climbing rope lengths can easily be 70m, with weight of modern ropes being about 50g a meter, but that is modern material. Half the length with twice the weight seemed a reasonable approximation. I took the precaution of researching the matter before posting.

Swimming in open ocean is not like swimming in the pool. This was also researched.

The end result of it all is that all Marlon has is a knife, rope, and the clothes he was wearing.
Last edited by Griffinkeeper on Thu Jan 24, 2013 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:17 pm
BLUEMUPPET says...



Considering that the post ends with Marlon having nothing but a few essentials I don't think it really matters.
  





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Thu Jan 24, 2013 8:33 pm
zephion says...



Are we supposed to write this in first person or third person, cause I've seen both now?
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Thu Jan 24, 2013 8:34 pm
Firestarter says...



Whatever you prefer, Zephion.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:53 pm
seeminglymeaningless says...



Rope made in that era (not modern) when wet would have drowned your character, especially along with the armour (even light), sword, boots, grappling hook and whatever else you managed to grab.

But I was only pointing out flaws to improve your writing, I won't do it again ^^
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:17 am
Griffinkeeper says...



Folks, I'm an Eagle Scout. I used a lot of my training in scouting to help write Marlon's escape. Marlon's training as an assassin would have begun with survival basics that all scouts learn. Because I'm an Eagle Scout, it means that I'm not just knowledgable, but an expert at all things scouting. Think of it like a Ph.d in Boyhood.

I have personally jumped into water with all my clothes on, and then turned my pants and shirt into improvised flotation devices. Trust me, I know how heavy wet clothes can be.

Another essential for any scout is working with rope. Over the span of six years, I used cotton, manilla, and nylon ropes to build structures and shelters, and in a variety of weather conditions. So, I know how much 100 ft of rope weighs, wet and dry, across the varieties I mentioned above.

I normally don't make a big deal about this sort of thing, because nobody likes a know-it-all. However, I don't want to have people second guessing every post I make, especially when those "impossible" experiences are things I've done personally, as a kid.

You would be surprised at how much I can do with just a knife and 100 ft of rope.
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:55 am
seeminglymeaningless says...



I'm not going to make such a claim, because I am an ordinary person with no experience with rope beyond using it to help tow people out of my dad's boggy drive way.

With the rope he had lying around in his car, which is not nylon or cotton, but that sort of old fashioned rope that you tend to find hanging a tire in a tree - even this sort of rope isn't as old as the rope described in the story book, considering this isn't modern times.

Anyway, the rope after it had been drenched by pulling the car out of the mud was extremely heavy due to absorbing over 50% of its weight of water.

Now I reiterate; this rope was modern day rope, not medieval era rope. I am simply applying my own personal knowledge of wet ropes to this scenario. In addition, I researched modern ropes just to be sure: just google search "wet rope weight" and you'll find the academic studies I found myself.

Thanks for your own explanation as an Eagle Scout, it was very interesting to read. I respect your own experience, and I hope you respect mine and my extrapolation of my own knowledge to non-modern day ropes.
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:54 am
Alvarin says...



Are you seriously having a discussion about ropes? xD I don't really think it would've mattered even if Marlon had swum to the island with all his armor on, it's an SB set in a fantasy world, realism is already out the window.
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Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:12 pm
BLUEMUPPET says...



Suspension of disbelief is something I normal adhere to devoutly but in this case Its really getting out of hand. The point your arguing over is ridiculous. While it is rather fitting for someone with the user name Seaminglymeaningless to argue over such a minor detail its still a dumb thing to argue over.
Griff 1.Your a moderator 2. I'm pretty sure as an eagle scout they told you never to get in a fight you didn't have to. If there was ever fight you didn't need to get into it was this.
No offence to either party intended. Could we get back to the storybook before it uses the rope your arguing over, 100 foot or otherwise, to hang itself.
  





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Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:21 am
seeminglymeaningless says...



Instead of being so ugly-worded here, why not post in the actual storybook? I conceded I erred in reviewing his work AGES ago, and have only been replying due to polite forum etiquette, which I must say, you have no sense of, Muppet. As I have stated earlier, I had not planned on commenting further about the rope, and I am happy to have dropped it ages ago, but other people keep on bringing it up. Let it die, for crying out loud. Show some sense.
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Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:31 am
Sassafras says...



So I was wondering what happens when all our characters eventually meet up.
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Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:25 am
BLUEMUPPET says...



Yeah I don't know Reisepiecey I think Firestarter is probably still waiting for Stella thomas, TheStorygirl and Alfredsymon to post there initial contribution. Hopefully he'll then post something definitive to help us get going.
  





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Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:26 pm
thestorygirl says...



Sorry I couldn't post this weekend. I'll post today.
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