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The Jester Rebellion DT



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Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:58 am
VampireSenshi says...



Can someone please help me by bringing my character in? I missed my last opportunity because I was preoccupied with school work :/
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Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:16 pm
Caesar says...



tgirly, there are some flaws in your post.

Firstly, we have no idea where your character is. I assume the Diamond Kingdom as he's a diamond rebel, even though the rebels aren't located there.

Secondly, we don't know which castle. A country is dotted with small keeps, fortresses, and great palaces. Your character could be literally *anywhere*.

Thirdly, even if the castle is the smallest and most insignificant of forts, it will have a garrison, and *security checkpoints.* And if this is an important castle like I might think, it'll have more than two bickering guards. In fact, large castles possess around three to five-hundred soldiers, many of which will be patrolling the gates and such. Some can be bickering, a few will be drunk, yet others will be sleeping at their posts, but not all. Furthermore, there are, if this is a large castle, two main courtyards and a central keep, each ringed by a wall *with their own guards*. And not to mention the servants and other such people living there. Paragon would have to bypass *all of them* to get to an inner courtyard with nobles around.

Also, that side-door seems a little too conveniently-placed for an actual castle to possess. And *why* is your character sneaking into a castle?

So yeah, you might want to think about that. :)
vulgus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur


  





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Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:00 pm
LiteraryVenom says...



Demora, darling, can I mention something?

My Genevieve is NOT married. Her mother, Mary, is Ibrithil's wife, but Genie is still single. May want to read over the bio again, I did make a few changes which may have caused some confusion.
I have to write. I have to write the same way I have to eat, the same way I have to breathe. It's like life to me. I have no idea where I'd be if I didn't do what I do.

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Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:23 pm
Demora says...



Oh ok sorry then lets just say her father and trampy brother then.
You need to be the colors to the negatives between life's pages.
  





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Fri Sep 21, 2012 9:59 pm
tgirly says...



Demora mentioned my character attacking hers close to the beginning of the story, and since she wasn't leaving the castle, I thought I'd come to her.
My thoughts were that, yes, it would have a lot of guards, but the guards would also have a lot of ground to cover so there could be a chance of trespassing unnoticed. I see what you mean about the side door being too conveniant; I meant for it to be a well-hidden door that Paragon had expertly spotted or something, but that's still too conveniant.
Thanks for pointing that out though; I'll try to be more specific and realistic next time.
If you're still interested in my thoughts concerning why he entered the castle, I think it's because, even though he's kind of given up being rich so he can support the rebel cause, being a diamond, he's still infatuated with money and items of monetary value. The castle, being the symbol of wealth, was too intriguing not to look around. But the reasoning doesn't really matter because of all the other flaws you've pointed out.
Demora, I don't think the whole attacking things going to work now since your character seems glued to the princess.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:44 am
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Demora says...



i actually plan on seperating them real soon so you can get you chance while she is looking for Genie's brother seperate while genie looks with the diamond guard. that good with you?
You need to be the colors to the negatives between life's pages.
  





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Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:34 am
tgirly says...



Yeah, that's a great idea.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:40 am
VampireSenshi says...



Does anyone have ideas to get my character more involved?

EDIT* - I've planned something that Double I can work with. If not, I can change it :D
<YWS>
<NE1>

NIGHT is always watching...
  





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Sun Sep 23, 2012 1:47 am
tgirly says...



How will my character know that Mystique works at the castle?
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:17 am
VampireSenshi says...



@tgirly - Jax could supply that information if needed
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Mon Sep 24, 2012 3:14 am
tgirly says...



That could work.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Mon Sep 24, 2012 9:47 pm
Demora says...



Yeah that would work also because of a certain way she dresses she wears a certain brand or something on the corner of her cloak or something meaning she works as head guard.
You need to be the colors to the negatives between life's pages.
  





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Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:23 am
tgirly says...



i don't completely understand why my character was looking for Mystique specifically; but other than that the post was perfect, Vamp.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Tue Sep 25, 2012 2:03 am
VampireSenshi says...



Well I wasn't sure how to go about giving the information. But thank you! I really liked your post too :D
<YWS>
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NIGHT is always watching...
  





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Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:58 pm
tgirly says...



Your welcome! :)
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  








Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
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