Young Writers Society

There's no posting order, so don't feel bad! (I have yet to read your post yet)

It didn't take long for my reservations about mind control and soul sucking to come to fruition.

@Desdemona, if you have the notion that your magician can control three minds at once--two of which are two of the most veritable magicians in the kingdom--then I'd desperately like to hear your reasoning on how your character isn't overpowered.

@Lumi once again brings up a good point... Having read your post, I can see that controlling their minds is too powerful. My suggestion is completely dumb it down... Only a few seconds of control at a time, less for stronger people.

I've tackled mind control by making is so controlling a person makes you very vulnerable, leaving you in a sort of trance. Another alternative is making mind control have a horrific backlash i.e. temporary paralysis. Mind control could be very difficult to achieve or require massive amounts of power, energy, and/or concentration. There are many ways to make it work, but it's definitely difficult.

I think soul sucking can be solved in a similar way. A backlash such as terrible regret or feeling the person die would be good. Another way would be having it be hard to control, which seems like what Featherstone is doing, making it difficult not to accidentally kill your allies.

Those are good limitations for mind control.

However those ideas for added cost to soul sucking makes it more unpleasant for the user, but it doesn't change a thing for the person they're using it on.
That would mean you never get to use that power unless the player gives consent for you to kill their character off, which isn't likely to happen often.

Because making the power harder to use doesn't make it any less unfair for the characters on the receiving end, I suggest making it less powerful, and/or easier to counter by the person you're using it on.

Also can we figure out exactly what soul-stealing actually does? does it kill the target? does it just leave them weak? what's the point of it? is it practical to use in battle? can the deprived get their soul back, somehow?

Sorry about being radio silent, I've been resting and spending time with friends

I haven't read the new posts yet, but I'd like to put in my two cents re: the power issue that seemed to pop up.

One of the things I've learned from both managing storybooks that are mmo-esque and following Riot Games with their development blogs on League of Legends is this: Clear strengths require clear weaknesses, and they both need certain windows.

You see this everywhere, honestly, most commonly in the form of a rock-paper-scissors situation. You have clear windows of time when you're strong and clear windows of time when you're weak, but they must, in the end, balance each other out.

So, like Feltrix said, mind control should be an end-game ability with severe weaknesses, since it's so strong. Darks in general have massive advantages over the other elements because they're so broad in their capabilities.

Using Ice and Wind as an example for a moment, Things like throwing icicles at the enemy or gusts of winds are basic abilities, and can be done easily. Things like freezing the innards of a body or creating a tornado, those are end-game abilities and are incredibly difficult to do, and rightly so.

So, for all darks now and for future reference, I highly recommend you figure out huge weaknesses for the strongest abilities your character has. I also recommend you create smaller, weaker, or more generic abilities so your character isn't attempting to steal one's soul the entire time and can actually fight.


Another thing I would like more explanation on (going from Siren's post) is how would one combat mind control or soul stealing? Also, what is soul stealing, because right now it sounds unreasonably strong XD

@Omnom and everyone: the soul stealing requires the target to be stabbed in the chest near the heart with a bone knife. The bone knife is only able to steal souls, and is too dull to hurt someone regularly. So, using it would require stabbing something close range in a specific area.

The mind control is a different story. I think one limitation should be a way to counter it, but for now I'm drawing blanks.

One thing to keep in mind is who the enemy is. They are fighting massive flying reptile-like beings that spew fire. The enemy isn't each other. An ability that may seem too powerful against a human is potentially almost useless against a Wyvern. Take soul stealing. It requires you to stab someone in the chest to steal their soul, so doing that to a massive dragon in the air many feet above you is not easy.

Mind control- maybe it's easier to use when the target is confused or emotionally unbalanced, and difficult to use when they're focused?

Soul stealing- I'm satisfied with the limitations, but I still want to know what happens to a person if they lose their soul.

What Maeva does is not mind control - she merely plants images and sensations into minds, it's up to the person to believe it or not. If they recognise Maeva, and Maeva is too disgruntled or too far away to control her victim properly, one can step out of it

As for what Lumi said, no she cannot "control" many minds at once, at most two. But she's good at what she does. Of course, she has to be out of sight as she does it because manipulation certainly requires all her focus, and she loses sight of her own surroundings as she enters another's mind. However, like I said, Maeva is the arrogant type, and if you'd allowed me another post, you'd see the limitations of her powers.

I like those limitations, so I'm satisifed. This makes that power sooooooo difficult to use I'm combat, because she would rarely be out of sight in battle.

@SirenCymbaline I imagine they would die, but we'll have to see what @featherstone9086 was thinking.

@Sheyren

I'm relying on you guys to keep her hidden somehow, since she isn't that bright in combat. Her power IS very useful!

On the Soul Sucking Subject, I imagine that it makes the victim weaker and the sucker stronger. It makes sense that it would kill the victim, but just making them significantly weaker would work. In the event that it does make the victim weaker, does it deprive them of their magic? Their sanity? Their physical strength? Another idea would be it turns the victim into some creature. Zombie? Homunculus? But if sucking a soul turns the victim into another type of enemy, then it might be too weak, which it shouldn't be.

I love making rules for fantasy worlds!

Eh? What was I thinking? Sorry, I'm at a gaming convention and not really having much time to YWS

@Featherstone9086 that's okay! Have fun!

Personally I think that weakening them significantly would be a wise choice, because then the ability has power but not too much power.

H'okay. So the fight Maeva wanted happened, Dya was the one not controlled, Branwen did some major emotional damage to Laurel, and Sylvetta is about to find out Laurel's true feelings on Dark Magicians.

Also, Branwen has a new-new nickname. xD