Young Writers Society

He's cute.. But not my type.. Nah! Nothing's happening..

He's sweet too.. But, as I said before, nothing's gonna happen..

God!! He's irritating!! Bugs me so much!! Someone shut him up!!

He is THE most annoying person I've met! Oh wait.. Besides those guys I met 2 years back.. The best people I ever met..

Yeah, I was right.. He's just like them.. One second I feel like killing him, the next I feel like laughing at him...

Not bad.. I guess thinking changes pretty often.. He's good for company.. He's like a flashback into those lovely years before I came here..

This is weird.. something happens around him.. Could it be..?? No he's just a friend..

I can't believe this happened! I love him!! I've fallen for him!!

Now, that hurtful moment.. He loves someone else... *shattered*

Love hurts...bad.. 3 months on.. I'm just a friend.. And him.. Well he's my love..

He says he loves his girl more than anything... The one who stays miles from him..

She says he's been talking about me.. He tells her everything.. She's his best friend.. Could that mean....??

They broke up.. Him and that girl of his. I wonder.......

He said, 'I love you.. Have done for a long time.. But I guess I'm just a fool for not having realized it..'
I said, 'Yeah you got it right.. You ARE a fool.. But guess what..?? I love foolish guys..'

Yeah you got it.. 6 months and we're still strong, as will be for the eternity to come..
I guess I just got lucky..

Okay, so I'm apologizing ahead of time for my lack of ability to review romance. Not really my area, and I've got to say I have a habit of being critical of this genre because cliche is so common. So, without further ado....
I kind of feel like this is just too simple. It needs to be built on. You have the framework for a decent storyline (although it definitely risks cliche) but we just don't connect. The way you have it written is extremely informal, which can definitely work to a point, but then we also need some sensory details here - we need to connect to you, run in your shoes, and beat to your heart. It's romance; we need to feel it. Right now it's a little more like when you're just hearing your friend ramble on about some guy. Just try to add more to this, and add depth.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hey.

In your spoiler you say that it's short-short story. I've just commented on a much shorter story than yours!

Anyhow, I feel this story does not go deep enough. I didn't connect with this at all. I agree with S.W 13, in that this could really use some description. Right now it's just a relay of events that I as a reader.....As I read, I don't feel that emotional connection with your character. Why don't you show us that she is upset. Saying, "Shattered." That it just not enough.

In my opinion, Romance stories should really grip you early and emotionally have you 'sucked in.'

Keep writing. I hope that helps!

~ T.K

I am not really good at reviewing stuff, I will try to be helpful though.. Okay, so this piece here was cute to read, though it was a bit cliched. The way the story evolved was fun to read, most of us can relate to it. You need to work more on the details and the emotions of the characters involved.
" I said, 'Yeah you got it right.. You ARE a fool.. But guess what..?? I love foolish guys..' "
This was a real cute line, made me smile . Anyways I hope the review was helpful. Best wishes!

Hey!

I'm going to be the odd one out and not tell you to smack in more details. I get the sense that this was meant to just be a relaying of events, more for your own benefit than the reader's. By this I mean, you wrote it to remind yourself of how it happened. Of course, this means I'm assuming this is a true story. I might be completely wrong though!

Then again, if this hasn't really happened and it's something you just made up, I'll have to agree with everyone else on the more details part. As a story, it's not really cutting it, but as a memoire, I really like it.

|Life|