you smoked away the ambience of the summer’s rain, under the no smoking sign, cards and coffee Your ironic acerbity. and i always said that you’d be way too big for this little cobblestone-clad city I never knew how soon. and your silver screens and diamond earrings and boys with too much money For your own good.
and i wonder if your sleight of hand charisma ever has me in your hometown, your starry friends I will never meet. and i always cursed myself for keeping you here in my misery’s company, i watch you from The one big screen. and you had to move to tinseltown and lose the sparkle in your green eyes, and leave me for Numbers I don’t see.
and i smoked away the ambience of your coffee-stained memoir, baroque as your decorum I never left page 116. and it rains non-stop outside the window, decorated with sunsets i’ll never document for you because my dépite roams. under cobblestone bridges you never arrived over, or loved me under, or crossed with my sorrow, because You never even promised your return.
"the wedding was charming if a little gauche; there's only so far new money goes.... it must have been her fault his heart gave out"
Okay there are some super interesting things happening in this poem! It's almost like there are two separate threads of thought/style being woven together? Like you alternate between longer lines (with no capitalization and winding, poetic images) and then shorter lines (with more conventional capitalization and more direct language). It has a super neat effect! I haven't read anything like it before I don't think, but I really like it. :)
Also "acerbity" is a fabulous word. I hadn't heard it before, so I had to look it up, and am definitely going to be adding that to my vocabulary!
You're off to a fabulous start! I can't wait to see where the rest of NaPo takes you~
When you're faced with something you don't understand, I think the most natural thing but also least interesting thing you can be is afraid.
I agree with Hijinks you've got some lovely word-choice in here, that just made me kind of smile! Like "cobblestone-clad" and "depite" (which I think may call for a second diacritical mark?) and also acerbity! Ah! fun words!
I think my favorite lines were these: "under cobblestone bridges you never arrived over, or loved me under, or crossed with my sorrow, because You never even promised your return." - it gives a sense of sort of missed opportunities and disappointments towards something that had potential <3
Hope to see more poetry from you this month, keep on rolling!
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
your love can’t look at her stretch marks, she’s scared of change and the physical, irrevocable passing of time. you can’t look at your scars and your bruises, because you’re scared things will always be the same.
"the wedding was charming if a little gauche; there's only so far new money goes.... it must have been her fault his heart gave out"
this poem was inspired by the really short yet hard-hitting poems i’ve seen this month from so many creators, but also by the people whose Napo threads I am following religiously. I’ve stolen themes from Williard and LadySpark because of both their god level skills and unique styles are so pretty
"the wedding was charming if a little gauche; there's only so far new money goes.... it must have been her fault his heart gave out"
if dorothea was written by you, that. that poem is what it would look like. like the reverse POV of 'tis the damn season. and i am utterly mesmerised by how you almost compile like a collection of these specific and hard hitting memories and thoughts and put them together, in turn creating this beautiful narrative around these two people.
"the physical, irrevocable passing of time" - just. perfection. You've done some beautiful work this NaPo <333
Viola Tricolor also known as wild pansy, Johnny Jump up, heartsease, heart's ease, heart's delight, tickle-my-fancy, Jack-jump-up-and-kiss-me, come-and-cuddle-me, three faces in a hood, love-in-idleness, and pink of my john-
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