talking to the faces in my floorboards

1, 2, 3

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Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:37 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 11 - odi et amo

--

i am still in love with you

and yet if i were to see you one day
while i’m out walking in the neighborhood,
i would quickly cross the street
because i don’t want to catch up and know if you’re good.

i want you to be happy

but it hurts when i am no longer there
to see you smile while watching your favorite movie
or hear your incredibly contagious laughter
after i do something unintentionally goofy.

i still think of you often

and yet i cannot stand to hear your name
because the figurative stitches i’ve sewn
will start to unravel, start to come undone,
and i will eventually wear away to the bone.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Tue Apr 13, 2021 3:00 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 12 - caution: broken glass

--

lately you’ve been feeling a little burnt out,
so when you found that broken lightbulb
at the bottom of the fire escape stairwell
you felt like you could relate
and instead you were the one that was shattered beyond repair,
glass shards stained black from old smoke,
never to be lit again.

you picked the remnants up,
making sure not to prick your fingers,
because you are always the one left to clean
even if you’re the one that needs help.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Wed Apr 14, 2021 4:17 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 13 - astral dreams

--

when i was growing up,
sometimes i’d wake up at 3 in the morning
and look up at the glow-in-the-dark stars
dangling by a thread from my ceiling
and wonder what made real ones shine so bright.

and now when i stare up at this new ceiling,
devoid of stars and other celestial bodies,
i can’t help but miss those days
when pluto was still a planet
and i thought i’d be able to visit the moon.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Thu Apr 15, 2021 3:39 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 14 - the creatures that lurk below

--

the monsters that exist underneath my bed
aren’t as scary as i once thought them to be.

but if i’m not afraid of them,
what does that make me?

am i a monster in human clothing,
just as a wolf can be in that of a sheep’s?

whatever the answer,
all i know is they are something only i can see.

--

Spoiler! :

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Fri Apr 16, 2021 4:49 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 15 - too much or not enough?

--

he said that he always wanted to date a writer,
someone who can make art out of their vulnerability
and make the hard days feel a little bit lighter.

i wonder if my words weren’t poetic enough,
if dealing with my emotions came to be too tough,
or if my work was worse than a diamond in the rough.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 2211
Reviews: 93

Fri Apr 16, 2021 2:36 pm

starbean says...

hey mckaylaam! Sorry I haven't been the best napo buddy so far. I am going to start looking at your poems more, for sure. I just finished reading through some of them, and wow! They are so descriptive and it seems as though the rhyming comes easy to you. Great job! Keep writing!

she/her————pro-life————Christian————climber of rocks, trees, and rooftops----reader of poetry, Antoine de Saint Exupery, Pam Munoz Ryan, and Anthony Doerr
"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain." -Louisa May Alcott

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Sat Apr 17, 2021 3:32 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 16 - revisiting the past

--

content warning for some triggering language/subjects

--

i.
we spoke of suicide notes and love letters,
people who were never aware of our existence,
and the kinds of tattoos we’d get on our bodies
to cover up painful reminders
of who we once were
and who we’d always be.

(i used to be scared,
terrified of the fact that our lives
are indeed momentary and fleeting,
but now i revel in ideas of new beginnings
and clean slates.)

ii.
we would stay up late every night,
reasonable bed times be damned,
and we’d wake up to re-read our messages
just to have a smile to start our days.
i thought that i was in love with you
and hoped that you loved me back.

(i used to think i was in love,
but how could i have been,
when i couldn’t even explain to you
the way you made me feel?)

iii.
i remember how you’d let the weeks pass right by you,
always returning my calls with three-word texts
because you knew that all that mattered to me
was feeling like i wasn’t forgotten.

(i used to go out on 3am drives
and scream out into the void that is the universe,
desperately wanting to be heard by someone
but knowing that no one would come save me,
no one but myself.)

iv.
when you said that you were done,
that the distance growing between us
was more than just physical
and your life had to be more than “this”,
it wasn’t until then that i truly understood
how a heart could break into a million pieces
a million different ways.

(i used to think that our love was slow burning,
a cigarette being smoked with ease,
but i eventually came to understand
that we’d always be the pleasure that wears off.)

Spoiler! :

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Sun Apr 18, 2021 3:42 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 17 - closure

--

i remember the way you laid with me in my bed
the week after you had ended things so abruptly;
you stared up at the ceiling while i closed my eyes,
neither one of us wanting to admit the other looked lovely.

the tears slid down my face in silence,
the same way that your calloused hands
used to slide down my back;
that was before you took our picture off your nightstand.

i wanted to turn and face you
and look into those all-too-familiar golden brown eyes,
but we both knew that i wouldn’t have found the sparkle,
nor would i have been able to find the former butterflies.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 144400
Reviews: 1227

Sun Apr 18, 2021 3:53 am

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alliyah says...

Poem 15 and 16 are very powerful. Love how you built the narrative in 16, with the asides to the right - very heart-catching. And the last stanza just blew me away with the smoke metaphor. </3 just oof.

(i used to think that our love was slow burning,
a cigarette being smoked with ease,
but i eventually came to understand
that we’d always be the pleasure that wears off.)

The juxtaposition between death & love set up from the very beginning and then the hint of perhaps a toxic/poisonous sort of love all came together in a tragic and compelling way. Thanks for sharing these, you are still right on track for hitting 30! Keep on going. <3

you should know i am a time traveler &
there is no season as achingly temporary as now

but i have promised to return

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Mon Apr 19, 2021 4:15 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 18 - i've learned to hide the pain

--

it’s getting bad again,
but nobody seems to notice.

i always leave the kitchen spotless
because it’s one less thing
that makes me feel like i’m hopeless.

and i never let anyone see the tears
that fall so easily in the middle of the night
because i’ve been that way for years.

it’s getting bad again,
and i wish that my cries for help
didn’t fall on deaf ears.

--

Spoiler! :

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 9676
Reviews: 166

Mon Apr 19, 2021 6:07 am

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DreamyAlice says...

Hey mckaylaam, Alice here!!!!

You are doing an amazing job, just few days of poems more and you will complete NaPo. I really like the last poem, it was written with real emotions.

My favorite line would be this

and i wish that my cries for help
didn’t fall on deaf ears.

Best of luck for the rest of the month!!!

Imagination is a superpower. Use it well!

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Tue Apr 20, 2021 3:46 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 19 - service recommended

--

my laptop died while i tried writing this poem.

the battery desperately needs to be replaced
and i always seem to let my time go to waste
but i’ve never been the one to do anything in haste
because i’d rather think of other things than finalizing dates.

if only you could fix hearts
the way you fix computers.

--

Spoiler! :

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Wed Apr 21, 2021 4:08 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 20 - sleeping in

--

yesterday i slept in until two in the afternoon;
i only started to wake up
after the sun started to seep in through my blinds
and my smoke detector began to chirp.

oh how it all reminded me of you
and the lazy mornings we spent together,
but that was nearly ten months ago
and now we both set our alarms.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Thu Apr 22, 2021 4:28 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 21 - nature's persistence

--

i am not my mother’s words
or my father’s actions.

no,

i am the flower that grew out of the crack
in our twenty-year-old driveway
and managed to persist through all seasons,

and i am the rain that falls every spring
that nourishes the grass and the trees
and washes away painful reminders of darker days.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Fri Apr 23, 2021 3:49 am

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mckaylaam says...

day 22 - no return address

--

to the hopeless romantic
who has given too much of her heart away,

please know that you deserve love
even if others think that you’re too much of a cliche.

do not let the fear of being alone
outweigh the fear of being with the wrong person,

because if there’s one thing we need to do,
it’s making sure our pain does not worsen.

the time will come again when someone will look at you
and will feel nothing but pure love and affection,

but until then,
learn to be comfortable moving in your own direction.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

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