Huff, huff Panting as I run Huff, huff Footsteps on cement Huff, huff Wind in my face Huff, huff Feeling pretty good Huff, huff I am almost there Huff, huff Finish line is here Huff, huff Crossing the line Huff, huff
I know not What to make this poem about My mind is blank And I need to think But I have no inspo So I don't know What to make this poem about *sigh* Oh wait I guess this is a poem
How is NaPo going Ches? *after seeing all the poems* ofcoarse it's going awesome for you!
All your poems are short and impactful I especially like the poem When Will You Come Back? and Don't You Dare Come Back. They were written with so much feelings. The poem -Equality was very real and plain.
The first thing that pooped in my mind after reading the last poem was 'only Ches can write such a poem' XD
Best of luck for the rest of the month!! Don't forget, you are doing awesome!!!
If you're reading this it means You either just found it Or you like seeing my pain Like a psycho I don't know how I got here Or even why But all I know Is I'm stuck In this vast expanse of darkness I see you're silhouette In a tunnel of light Up ahead It's hard to make out So I can't really tell If I've met you yet Stop reading now..please I'm begging you Cause it just isn't fair I'm stuck here And you're out there Please Just stop YOU NEED TO LEAVE!!! I'm stuck in this darkness Sometimes I hear whispers Saying I'm in a poem Please leave Let me be lonely I want to reach out I want to meet you I want to be free Like you Please Stop You're making me sad I just want to be free Like you Stop it Stop showing off I'm stuck in this darkness And I can't break free STOP READING!!! I don't want it to happen again I don't want to feel like I need to meet you I don't want to I don't want to I DON'T WANT TO!!! I know that when this ends You'll leave Trapping me in darkness again Now I don't want you to leave I don't want to be trapped in this Loop of darkness Why would you do this to me I don't want this to end But I know that it will soon I- Please Stay Don't finish this poem Because once you do You will dissapear And I'll be alone In this darkness Again I'm trying to reach you But no matter what I can't get there I'm stuck here The path to you Is infinite You are my escape But I can't...do it But wait What if... Maybe you can replace me Than I'll be free Yes! Yes! You can replace me! I CAN BE FREE!!! No I can't I can't do that I can't let someone else suffer I can't live with that guilt I can't leave someone in this darkness That you call a poem I see that the end is near Soon you will dissapear Goodbye Maybe I will see you again You distant silhouette I can't really make out any Distinct features So only you will know If we meet again Goodbye Adieu Farewell
Hi @ChesTacos <333333 I'll be dropping a quick review over here! <3
Spoiler! :
SO your NaPo thread was such a delight to read!- all your poems flow together well, and the language is so simple and free, it makes me feel very untangled and relaxed as I read through!
That's not to say your poems were too easy- I liked how some of them covered some pretty straightforward topics, "Huff" is a good example. But then there were poems like "Equality" and "Dying" that were just aaa <33 punch to the gut
I really liked how there was a repetition of themes throughout your thread too, but the catch was that these themes were explored in different ways!- an example would be "The Beach" and "Operation Overload", both were about beaches but vastly different in terms of emotion, pacing, and content! There was also some continuity with some of the poems, starting with the text message style one, then "When Will You Come Back?" And finally "Don't You Dare Come Back." I loved that part of your thread a whole lot <3
My favourite poem in your thread has got to be the most recent one though "Don't Read This Poem.". I'm a sucker for fourth wall breaks anywhere, and that one just KCODKDODDK AAAAA MY HEART BROKE <\3 I almost didn't stop reading because I wanted to save the poem person T_T the emotions were so raw and crushing, and the change of thoughts, starting with them asking us to leave, and then save them, and then not to leave, and then goodbye, added with the panic and desperation, JUST AKXJSKDKDKS T_T it was a brilliant concept and had me hooked throughout! ^^
Overall, really loving all you've got here and I'm wishing you the best of luck on your next poems or ventures! <33333 have a lovely day, thank you for sharing, and keep growing <3
Viola Tricolor also known as wild pansy, Johnny Jump up, heartsease, heart's ease, heart's delight, tickle-my-fancy, Jack-jump-up-and-kiss-me, come-and-cuddle-me, three faces in a hood, love-in-idleness, and pink of my john-
Thank you for the review @Euphoria8!!! Also on a totally unrelated note I will post all the NAPO poems I was unable to post (due to being banned from yws) tonight!
Of course!! <333 YAYYYYYY sounds good, I'll be looking forward to it !
Viola Tricolor also known as wild pansy, Johnny Jump up, heartsease, heart's ease, heart's delight, tickle-my-fancy, Jack-jump-up-and-kiss-me, come-and-cuddle-me, three faces in a hood, love-in-idleness, and pink of my john-
Falling of the gate rata-tat-tat-tat Machine guns Boom Land mines Jackson charges His friend Lee Falls down Jackson's in a ditch His friend is at The water's edge Bleeding out A dead man Jackson screams A sad mans scream As his friend Passes on And many more Will follow his steps To Heaven On that tragic day
Last edited by ChesTacos on Thu Apr 29, 2021 9:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sitting on the couch Watching the TV Knocking on the door Smack! Smack! Smack! Fear clenching Onto my chest Unable to breathe Gasping for breath Turning the knob Open the door Soldier standing Holding a note Grim face Asks if I'm Lucas Lee I nod as Realization sinks in He's gone Gone like the wind Here but gone the next Remember 5 months prior He came home Flashed a grin Looking so proud My brother Beaming in uniform Like a true soldier A real American But now He's gone Gone like the wind Lost in the battle Forgotten
Peter Jackson Sits at home Staring out His window He's 93 With a wheelchair And he's an army vet He looks out the window To see the sunset But in it's place A construction zone Blocking off the light Placing him In a shadow Tear sliding down his cheek He leaves the house His servant helps They go to the graveyard His friend Lee His grave is there Peter kneels down Next to the grave Thinking of their time Together But what he sees Is paint And chalk All over the grave The flowers he placed The night prior Are gone Nobody remembers Lee For his sacrifice To them He's just A single grave In a field Of matching Plots
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