Young Writers Society

24. how to accept the future

tonight i'm left wondering
what will it be like when you go?
i know my space will be a little emptier
and my blankets will be slightly colder
and my meals for two will be twice as large as before,

but where will my thoughts wander once you're gone?
will i dream of seeing your smile,
hearing your hearty laugh as your put your hand in mine?
will i ache to be in your embrace,
to put my lips against yours to feel you close to me?

or will these be just more memories
that i will know i can never relive
because of the passage of time?

25. how not to hear music

there's music playing in my mind
over and over, never ceasing, always repeating
the same lyrics and melodies echoing in my thoughts.
and all i can think about is where i used to be
when that music used to play out loud around me,
surrounding me, making me feel light and airy.
but now it's just heavy and empty
as it sits on my chest and steals my breath
as i struggle to hold in the tears
while i mourn who i used to be.

26. how to find your way

tonight i wish i could wear the night sky like a blanket,
the stars would twinkle like jewels embroidered in my skin
and the vast emptiness of space would cool my hearts
until it slowed its frantic beats, so to spare my ears the noise
and my veins the strain so i might stand on my own two feet for once.

i'd welcome its weight on my shoulders, pressing down on me
until the stress of the day's problems wash away with the sun
and there is only the soft glow of the moon on my chest
and the stars in my skin to light up even the darkest paths before me.

but i know it cannot be; the sky is not my guardian,
no more than the sun is solely my solace or the clouds my offenders,
and i cannot steal the stars for my own when there are so many others
stumbling through the darkness of night by their light.

27. how to feel in your skin

sometimes i ask myself and wonder
when did it start feeling like my past wasn't mine?
when did my memories feel they were from another life
from a whole world over, lightyears away from me
and moving further and further away?

i can only hope that my other self has a happier present,
that she could claim with her whole heart each day
that she feels happy, safe, loved, wanted, deserved,
comfortable in her skin as the gorgeous human she is
instead of feeling like the outline of someone else.

28. how to feel worthy of love

the summer nights are often much too loud,
with crickets and cicadas crying out to the stars
and strong, warm drafts shaking the tops of trees,
it’s almost impossible to hear the really insidious thoughts,
the ones that burrow under your skin and poison your blood
and turn your brain inside out until it seems reasonable,
certain even that you could never be worthy of love.

but the night is never still, and neither are you,
taking more steps to keep yourself from being rooted to the sidewalk,
because you know you can’t stay in one place too long
otherwise the stars and the moon will move along without you
and the twisted reality your eyes are tricking you with
will only be haunted with bigger, longer, lonelier shadows
that insist you’ve never been worthy of love.

yet you swallow your tongue, because you know silence is stronger
and your energy is better spent entertaining the rays of sunlight
peaking over the eastern horizon, signaling a new day,
better days even, and though your breath is ragged and hoarse,
your legs a bit achey too, you can still remind yourself
that mental health doesn’t define your worthiness for love.

because you are always worthy.

29. how to live on burn-out

[i'm living my life on deadlines,
only moving forward when something else ends.]

i always wanted to ask you to hold my hand,
to peer into my soul through my eyes and fill up my heart
by telling me, earnestly that "this world is now;
this moment, our moment, only exists between us and
that will never change," but now i know better
because our touch is electric, but we all run out of charge.

30. how to love like i want to

sweat clings to my arms, rolls down my back,
but i can't tell if it's the poor ventilation in my kitchen
or the accelerated beat of my heart causing my skin to flush.

you lay your hand on my shoulder,
and i reach up to brush my fingers against it.
i'm smiling, even if you can't see it yet,
because the warmth of your touch comforts me
while i continue to stir what we're making together.
you're checking on me, your voice quiet in my ears,
a secret message meant only for us, from your heart to mine
to capture the precise second in which our hands touched.

and i give a light laugh and shake my head
because what else could i need aside from our warmth
and our food bubbling on the stovetop,
as all the thoughts of past and future melt away.