WOW the imagery in this one star <333 I love how you alternate between 'simple' (but very effective!) language and then more technical words like "pulmonary", "pesticide", "neutrons"; it's so seamless! Also the fact that you combined outer space and water/marine imagery (the two best families of imagery) is making my soul just so happy hehe c:
And those offside remarks in parenthesis are aaaaah so sad and heartbreaking </3
When you're faced with something you don't understand, I think the most natural thing but also least interesting thing you can be is afraid.
@whatchamacallit OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LEAVING SUCH A SWEET AND LOVELY COMMENT, YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON EVER <333 actually, I thought about you while writing that because I know you love water imagery xD so it's really lovely to hear you say that ^_^ thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment, it makes my heart warm <333
Spoiler! :
okay the poem was supposed to say "even my father's arms couldn't carry it all" without the "once" at the end in the first stanza ,, and my Microsoft word copy got deleted somehow so I can't edit it ,, so just pretend that it says that >.>
Last edited by starlitmind on Sat Oct 30, 2021 4:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Such a strong start already star! <333 I am so looking forward to your napo. Those little asides in parenthesis in your first poem are SO STRIKING.
Like "(and if your love is anything like this / i still want it)" Ahhhhh that heart-achey longing. oof. Great line, and great imagery! Also great usage of space too, since that really does kind feel like those asides are like hanging around in empty space / empty lungs.
You know I love the "transfigure into tadpoles" lines too based on my own personal ambitions to become a fish... but also the alliteration and like whatcha said the blend of technical / specific and then very personal / emotive language in this is really nice.
Perfect useage of doodle stars in the 2nd poem too, it gave a sweet-innocence to the poem I think.
Best of luck this month!
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
text: when a hurricane crashes into land and hails cataclysmic destruction, it leads to the destruction of the hurricane itself - and maybe that's why when i throw darts at the stars and watch them explode violently into thousands of untouched dreams so the moon has only me to look at, i feel my ribcage burst like a pipe as emptiness floods my chest, drowns my lungs, and i choke. i am running out of bandaids, but the moon still has not learnt my name.
Spoiler! :
@alliyah AHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SWEET AND LOVELY COMMENT, YOU ARE ALWAYS SO ABSOLUTELY HEARTWARMING!!!! <3333 HAHA, I was hoping you'd notice that tadpole line, because it reminded me so much of your fishy endeavors xD omg the doodle master has approved my doodles c: thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment, I really appreciate you!!! ^_^ <333
ohhhhhhhhhhh gosh star I am so in love with the whirlwind effect, that’s super neat and fitting for this poem! And that imagery with the connection between that hurricane, the stars, the moon— ahhh, the feels </33333
"silv is obsessed with heists" ~Omni
"silv why didn't you tell me you were obsessed with heists I thought we were friends" ~Ace
"y’all we outnumber silver let’s overthrow her >:]" ~winter
Hiya star! I love how you've been embedding the celestial theme into all of these poems <3
I feel a sense of very intense frustration in that last poem, especially with the image of the bursting pipe, and I love the juxtaposition of how strong these feelings are with the smallness of a "bandaid" to try and keep the pipe from bursting.
What's also interesting about the image that comes with it is that I know it's a hurricane, but I also can't help but see the shape of the Milky Way. Maybe the concentration of words in the middle could also be like a bullseye, relating to "throwing darts at the stars". c: You're doing great with this, all the best! <3
@SilverNight AHHHH SHADOW THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LEAVING SUCH A HEARTWARMING COMMENT, IT REALLY DOES MEAN A LOT TO ME!!! ^_^ it's really lovely to hear your thoughts c: <3 <3 <3 AND YOU'RE THE BEST BUDDY EVER <333
@Liminality AWWWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LEAVING A REALLY THOUGHTFUL AND SWEET COMMENT!!! ^_^ You are always so supportive c: OHH I love how you saw the Milky Way in that image! I never thought about that, so it's cool to see how you interpreted it c: AND WOAH, that bullseye thing also didn't occur to mind! You always see things in such interesting lights, Lim THANK YOU FOR SHARING, I always love hearing your thoughts c: I APPRECIATE YOU <3333
Spoiler! :
wasn't feeling awfully happy about this one, BUT MY BRAIN DECIDED TO LEAVE ME SO IT IS WHAT IT IS XDD
Like, for real, I am a sucker for a good celestial/aquatic theme, but they can become cliche so easily. And yet your poems pack such a strong punch but are also so direct. Like all of the imagery in your second poem literally had me breathless. And your transitions are all so brilliant and seamless, I don't know how you do it! Teach me your wayyysss
(In all seriousness, super hyped to read more from you this NaPo! You're one of my poetry role models and your poems never fail to inspire me!)
[he/him]
"tiktok and giving children meth are my passions" ~ @ShadowVyper "carinas long foretold chaos protege" ~ @veeren "smol bean, future of chaos" ~ @carina
credit to @whatchamacallit for the title c: (thank you!!! <3)
Spoiler! :
@Tuckster OH MY GOSH MY HEART JUST DIED WHAT
I can't believe you said all of that AHHHHHH WHAT IN THE WORLD, THAT IS SO SWEET AND SO LOVELY OF YOU TO SAY OMG??????????? like ahhh I don't even know what to say 🥺❤️ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LEAVING SUCH A HEARTWARMING AND HEART-MELTING COMMENT!!!!!!!!!! that means so much to me, thank you so much, IT MEANS MORE TO ME THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW <3333333333333
vii. i googled if the moon was ugly and chawhat was totally judging me
Spoiler! :
WAS NOT FEELING THE NAPO TODAY, BUT IT'S OKAY XDD
also titles have been so hard for me 0.0 I don't usually give my poems titles unless I'm posting it or something, so that has been a tricky part of napo xD but I hope you enjoy this beautiful, very poetic title for today's poem :)
(also, chawhat is whatcha for anyone wondering cx)
star star star star star it's your NaPo buddy!!! :)
okay first of all, that title?? gorgeous, what a work of art <33 also, totally loving the vocabulary for the imagery in the first stanza, like woooooow! and a plain dark background with white text is perfect for this hehe :')
the farther you are from me the more you beautiful you look, and perhaps that's why i always keep my distance
ahhhhh, this </333
you're doing super great star!! i'm proud of ya, i love you and i believe in you c:
"silv is obsessed with heists" ~Omni
"silv why didn't you tell me you were obsessed with heists I thought we were friends" ~Ace
"y’all we outnumber silver let’s overthrow her >:]" ~winter
THANK YOU FOR SHARING,
Gender:
Points: 29825
Reviews: 465