Young Writers Society

The two original poems that I made into a contrapuntal:

1. Modern-day masterpieces monumentalise real friendships. They make towers out of small filigree beds, with nodes the hearts of fireflies and lodes of gold in the deepest mines. They are architects of un-nature, assuming we can all drain our ambrosia into the five love languages. And if this is real, then happiness is the hardest thing to build.

2. You treat your world like a cobweb would. Constantly clinging to hard edges, hoping to link them together with the thinnest lines of silk. Holding on through hard winds, through static shocks of dust and detritus. And people say you don't try hard enough.

Just by reading the title, this reminds me so much of “manufactured authenticity in online angst” !!

This pithy poem is practically my favourite ( i say that a lot but it’s definitely my favourite out of the three here). The words you’ve used are quite forceful and candid. I loved “have you noticed that your feelings are toys?” especially. Because it’s glaringly obvious that it’s the trend these days. I watch some who “market” their feelings for empathy or sympathy (we have no right to judge and I’m not saying this person’s irredeemable or unforgivable but yea, this person just came to mind), which usually derails them from understanding why and how they felt that way, whether this is a good thing, and what they could do about it (which you imply in the last stanzas).

This reminds me of this Jane Eyre thesis I randomly read as well. Did you know that Charlotte Bronte’s book wasn’t considered a novel during her time because it was introspective? An introspective or internal-focused book was considered feminine (given that women write in their diaries more than men) and in that highly patriarchal age, it was demeaned. People that time often only consider “vigorous” or plot driven books. And Idk. I just wanted to throw it out there because the moment when I read “but we were marketed as an epic” and “pulled so tight they broke our self-reflection,” just goes to show how something as important as self-reflection was once considered insignificant/unnecessary.

This reminds me so much of “turing test responses” because the robot was more human than us lol. You really ace writing Tankas, it's inconceivable. Actually, you thrive in both structured, free-verse and experimental poetry. Please share your tips sksks!!

Oki, focusing on the poem itself:

The reflection of the sun in a bottle is such clever imagery. It suggests how this “you” is screening his/her emotions and we can only see this superficial aspect of him. And the last line could mean how the speaker/narrator would’ve liked him/her more because he/she was, in fact, sweet honey, if he/she opened up and gave this clearer resolution/version of himself/herself.

Meanwhile, what got my attention about the 2nd tanka was the irony. The speaker/narrator claimed that he/she isn’t caged by no colours but his/her icon is night/dark which is monotonic, thus caging him/her. It makes me wonder if this speaker was too caught up about evading this banner that he/she didn’t realise he/she was caught up in another cage.

OH AN OHH i love

distance is a shapeless star | constellations are pipe-dreams .

If distance is a shapeless stars >> and stars make up constellations >> and these constellations are considered pipe dreams, then does that mean that this speaker or narrator, has given up trying to find a solution for the gradual demise of “humanity” that she/he just wants to distance herself/himself from it?

Oh and oop I feel like my interpretation is all over the place oop sorry bout that.

Ending this thread with a review of your own poems (collectively) and expressing your confidence about the message that you want to convey in your thread is such a bold and admirable move! I genuinely love everything about this that I don’t know where to start.

The “journey into the world of social media” is equivalent to “a bedroom conversation with yourself” humoured me because it’s so true. Furthermore, I became more aware that the scope of our thoughts is vast or even limitless. How, even in a sedentary and passive state, the human imagination could not be quelled. There’s always a battle, adventure, search, etc. even if the brain has about 2 brain cells left <<<me<<

It felt like you’ve planned out how you were ending this thread ages ago. It was appropriate for the motif as well as showing this progression from processing and translating your thoughts into poetry towards reevaluating them and drawing up this conclusion.

The overall structure of the thread now mirrors your style; you would give us bits of clues and pieces until it gradually comes together and goes full circle. Brilliant!