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i swear all the birds will live until the end



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Tue Apr 21, 2020 4:25 am
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alliyah says...



My NaPo buddy @Liminality has been killing it with the sonnets this NaPo - so here's my attempt at a sonnet! I did not attempt to worry about stress / unstressed syllables, but I think I managed the rhyme scheme and syllable-count. The first line is also inspired by John Donne's sonnet, "Death, be not proud, though some have called thee".

25. joy is no virtue
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Spoiler! :


Joy, is no virtue, though some have called thee,
a callous vice she may be, for a time
when our world wants to grieve, sure maybe i'm
too cold, too dark in my own wallowing

but to ask me to smile joyfully,
to treat all pain as no more than a sign
of a lack of faith, or divergent mind,
like sorrow is a sin, lacks empathy.

Surely there is space for the sister of
peace and love, yes, joy can be courageous
can bring light on a day of rain, but just
don't forget when the sky looks bright above

half the planet, shroud in night, can not see
give them time, do not force joy, let us breathe.
maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Tue Apr 21, 2020 4:54 am
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alliyah says...



26. ask yourself

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maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Wed Apr 22, 2020 3:43 am
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alliyah says...



27. nothing new

so there's nothing new
to reflect on here, maybe
that's okay, let's lean back
on our old habits, i don't mind
tell me all the stories
from your childhood again,
let me remember how to
pronounce your name - these
syllables have become
too comfortable on my lips,
tell me what you're
most scared of,
let me tell you again
why i'm not afraid,
remind me how you
make your coffee,
and the way you laugh
at your own jokes,
we can pretend
we haven't walked
here before, like
the sun is new
to the sky, the
lavender a hymn we
haven't heard, this spring
a freshly bloomed year,
and the way home
a path we'll discover.

28. familiarity

i think i may have fallen out of love
with novelty, and remembered
my way back home, the world is
infinitely new, but limitedly familiar
there are only so many paths
we know by heart, or stories we care
to tell again, only so many people
who can really know who you are.
maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Wed Apr 22, 2020 5:00 pm
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neptune says...



I really enjoy #26 "ask yourself"―just the way it reads and flows so smoothly, and I love how powerful and positive the speaker's voice is. I like how you touch back on the theme of birds naturally throughout your NaPo poems, including this one. I think the concept of birds definitely compliments the messages you're writing about. And all of your doodles are absolutely adorable! <3
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Thu Apr 23, 2020 12:43 am
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Liminality says...



Hi, @alliyah! It was really interesting reading where you got the inspo for that penguin poem. I also love what you've done with your sonnet! The way you use commas in each line really translates your poetic voice into the structure. It sort of reflects pausing in speech to me, which makes the poem seem more alive. The transition to the final couplet was apt and well done, as well - the image of "day" being "night" for half the world is clever and insightful.
In 26. ask yourself, I like how you developed the image of the "broken edge" to "porcelain" that lets the sun shine through - it's a really smooth way of going to the subject of the piece - the metaphorical bird. The tone for poems 27 and 28 I also enjoyed, and I love how epigrammatic the line "infinitely new, but limitedly familiar" is.
  





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Thu Apr 23, 2020 1:35 am
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mckaylaam says...



#25, joy is no virtue, was a super interesting read! I can't remember the last time I actively tried to write a sonnet, so without knowing anything about how they're supposed to be written, I'd give you an A just for effort :) My favorite part was probably when you wrote this:
don't forget when the sky looks bright above

half the planet, shroud in night, can not see

Keep up the amazing work!
And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone.


  





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Thu Apr 23, 2020 1:45 am
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bpmzcpl says...



Hey @alliyah! Sorry it has been a while. School got a little crazy. Your poems have been really great (I've been reading from the shadows). I really like #27. "nothing new". Thank you so much for sharing. Every piece is great in its own unique way. <3
One day longer,
A little bit stronger
  





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Thu Apr 23, 2020 5:20 am
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alliyah says...



Spoiler! :
Wow! Thank you all for these comments! <333
@neptune thank you - I really liked how 29 turned out as well! :) And I'm glad you're liking the doodles, I think I'm actually getting better at drawing them over the month, which is fun - there's also a few I want to use, but not a lot of days left in the month, so we'll see if I just throw in a bunch of randomness at the end to make it happen.

@Liminality! Ah! Thanks so much! I really liked how that line worked out as well! :) Also thanks for the notes on tone/voice - it's been interesting to sort of play with that over napo with all the different themes.

@mckaylaam - I think I accidentally actually used a non-standard rhyme scheme, but it's kind of close to how it should be XD Structured poetry is kind of a stretch for me, so I'm glad it came across alright! Thank you for commenting!

Thanks @bpmzcpl - I'm glad you're enjoying them, I've been having fun reading your thread as well.


29. everything i brought from home

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link here

Spoiler! :

text version in case that's difficult to read

1. i have never lived a year without snowstorms. so my only reference point for seasons changing here is the sun, and i’ve become an insomniac waiting for spring. i’m still waiting, but have lost the sense of whether any time has passed, or if people are only pretending to sleep. i’m still waiting,

2. it rains so much here, and i have yet to buy rain boots. i’ve found a wispy edge of a family tree that says my great grandparents were native Appalachians; two buckets from the stream every morning, one to wash, one to cook. i keep wondering if i tried to cross the mountains back to my home, if i could find that stream, if i made it there perhaps some sense of natal homing would let me swim from there back to the river across the plains. surely i couldn’t drown,

3. there’s something very enclosing about living inside mountains, or between, or in valleys, or whatever else they call these land-forms. i am trapped. suffocated, my lungs have not forgotten what the sky ought to look like; unending, unbounded as the heavens, as God intended the sky to reign. it’s fine here, but i haven’t gotten used to driving through the fog,

4. i think there’s an edge to my voice i can’t hear myself, like when something’s been written across your shoulders. you can feel them wondering where you came from, but i have a hard time explaining how the stars are brighter where i’m from or why i’m not interested in changing the subtle inflection to my syllables that remind them i’m not home here. they’d know it even if i never spoke,

5. i keep remembering the summer we forgot to plant our garden, and how the onions came up anyways, reckless, vegetation demanding its way, absolutely unhindered by being unplanted. if i could only sleep perhaps the earth would reclaim me, pull back these stretched out roots, prop me up from the soil, let me see the sky again.
maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Fri Apr 24, 2020 4:26 am
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alliyah says...



30. this winter too will end

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maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Fri Apr 24, 2020 5:17 pm
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Liberty says...



I couldn't choose on one favorite poem, but I really love "neighborly concern" (the way it's a rain gutter pigeon that the concern is being given to is very sweet) and "the sky's too far" is wonderful as well ("i" has become a an origami crane - that's very imaginative).

Also, congrats on finishing your whole NaPo! 30 poems in 24 days. Awesome!
LadyBug is the best frister ever <3
(everyone please know that LadyBug's the coolest goose you will ever meet)
(this goose blushes too much)
(lol imagine a blushing goose xD <3)
  





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Sat Apr 25, 2020 4:27 am
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alliyah says...



Spoiler! :
Thanks @Liberty! I also agree that I think that one turned out kind of cute! And I'm glad you liked the paper crane one as well! :)


31. birds in walls and other memories

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Author's Note: I was definitely inspired by @Carina's amazing poem for this one - and I wrote the majority of the content a year ago, but did some major revisions on it this month & it fits the theme of the thread so I'm posting it anyways. I also just really wanted to try making a poem like this.
maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Sun Apr 26, 2020 5:51 am
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alliyah says...



32. truth telling

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33. map making

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maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Mon Apr 27, 2020 4:02 am
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alliyah says...



34. good morning

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Spoiler! :

bonus formatting
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maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Tue Apr 28, 2020 2:44 am
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Liminality says...



The bonus formatting for 'good morning' felt so adorable to me! I enjoy how you're using the different doodles and backdrops to develop the mood in these past few poems. The way you've weaved the metaphors around your subject in 'birds in walls and other memories' is so smooth, it really feels like falling feathers :)
  





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Tue Apr 28, 2020 4:33 am
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alliyah says...



Spoiler! :
Thanks so much @Liminality for your comments again! I wasn't sure how I felt about the formatting for poem 34, but I'm glad you liked it! And I'm really attached to some of the stanzas in the "birds in walls" poem which makes it a beast to edit, but I like how it feels crazed in a few spots, but almost like the speaker is drifting to sleep in other places, I'm definitely going to play with the visuals a bit more on that one after NaPo to see what else I can add. :)


time for some more experimental poetry :]

35. isolation

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Spoiler! :

^ the above poem is made up of little "i's" (roughly a bazillion if you want a specific number) and it's supposed to symbolize the irony of being in collective isolation -> we're all individually isolating, but collectively we're doing this together. It also is intended to show how the sense of self magnifies when isolation, as the internal volumes are turned on in full blast; there's little to distract from the "i."


36. and we're back again

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Spoiler! :

^ The above version is supposed to feel claustrophobic, uncomfortable, monotonous to read - but if you wanted to check out the readable version it's below, sorry it's gigantic that is not intentional. XD
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maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  








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