The phonebook fish poem is amazing. 14 is so sad but has such excellent imagery. But 12 has to be my favorite, because it's just so real and sad but somehow hopeful.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
- spring in past-tense - who is your prophet (these two were also v me poems, which could just be all the bird imagery) - the night is enormous, but i know better now
Spoiler! :
I definitely understand feeling weird about writing about your family or honestly just really personal experiences in general - I think that's why I stress about poetry so much. But this is beautiful and moving.
I also love the physical structure you chose for anxious | breathing - before I even looked at the title, before I even read it, it put me in mind of anxiety just because of how it looked.
Hi, @alliyah! I've been loving the metaphors in these last few poems. Robins being prophets, people being 'phonebook fish' . . .
I also like how the stanza length decreases in 'when the robins return, i hope i remember', building up to this short, punchy climax. I think it's great you're experimenting here and there with both formatting and subject matter.
Thank you all for your kind comments! @niteowl <3 I think I'm definitely going to return to that fish-phonebook one, because something in the nonsense is starting to make some sense to me - it's a fun poem! @BluesClues - thank you!! <3 Bird imagery is also my favorite! And I'm so happy you felt like the anxiety one's structure was working - I really liked the idea of that one being a cycle/spiral for that one because it fits for how I imagine breathing/spiraling/hyperventilating all being pictured. It initially just had one upside down bird - for the background, but I decided that looked too "dead" and I'm still determined to avoid dead birds this month. @Liminality - thank you again for all of your comments! I've used 'robins as prophets' in a couple other poems and love the idea of it - and I'm going to thank my sleep-brain for "phonebook fish" because I have no idea where that came from. Thanks for the comments on formatting too! I really like to play around with formatting - especially during NaPo. I'm surprising myself with having such different subject matter in all of these (and slightly regretful that it doesn't make the thread feel very cohesive) but I think I'm having fun having a little bit more diversity in my writing this year.
16. while it is still dark
Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. - John 20:1
i keep thinking of Mary Magdalene, how she must have felt carrying jars of spices meant only to mask the stench of death, remembering in the echo to her steps the striking of a hammer to a nail, the savior's last words, "forgive them" seeming quaint and almost hollow, walking in the night to the empty tomb expecting only to encounter death -
the days run dark here too, and the jars we carry to mask our pain lay heavy in our arms, God's words ring dissonant in this spring born silent, but the path into the tomb is not one we take alone, no, tonight our footsteps bear the sound of saintly echoes, and we encounter not a corpse, but the resurrected Christ whose body carries the mark of heavy burdens and knows what it is to enter death who receives us, like Mary stooped at the tomb, by greeting us on our journey, by calling our names, and calling us into the light.
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
text version: hello rain gutter-pigeon how are you today? i've been trying to figure out a delicate way to say this, but a rain gutter is a horrible place to raise a family; it's just not safe, and it's been storming a lot lately, and i'm worried about so many things and lately i’m feeling anxious at the thought of your nest getting drenched in the daily down pour, look i know we're in quarantine and you're a bird and i'm a human but i'm getting lonely and i wouldn't mind if you moved in, you don't have to, but i enjoy seeing you ruffle and wake each morning and could use the company so it's really no intrusion, besides i'm writing poems about birds this spring, and i've made a promise to myself that every bird will live, and honestly i could use some inspiration.
also there's clearly not enough pigeon doodles shared so far in this thread (i may or may not have edited this post 4 times already because i keep changing the pigeon picture)
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
Hello @alliyah! Looks like we're still keeping the birds alive
while it is still dark -> Again, I liked the use of structure in this poem; the two-stanza construction, with the second 'answering' the first, reminds me a bit of a Petrarchan sonnet. I read this one out loud and really enjoyed the rhythm; the line breaks serve to give certain images an extra punch, like "the stench of death".
neighborly concern -> This piece was adorable! My favourite lines were the first two "hello rain-gutter pigeon// how are you today?". I thought they set the tone of the poem well. I also liked how you used the repetitive "and"s to convey the sense of worry.
@Liminality - Yes the birds are doing well! I'm really happy with the sound and little bit of rhyme in "while it was still dark" I'm glad you enjoyed the structure/rhythm too! And thanks for the comments on my pigeon one - I'm a huge fan of too many conjunction - both in real life, and in poetry!
18. just fragments
other fragments / mini-poems / watch your step:
fragment 1 Please fire alarm, tell our neighbors I'm baking, I'm sure they'd love to know, screech on! screech on! Here, could I open the windows for you? The whole street could hear your song. Maybe they'll come join my kitchen and we can have a party over burned cookies.
fragment 2 you were too much all at once and i left you dreaming to the sound of fire alarms
fragment 3 [can we forget the part where we pretended to be vacant bodies] i'm not so sure forgetting is much better, because that's where you always leave me.
fragment 4 all song-birds are prophets harbingers of spring’s imminence and so with some religious-fervor we try to crucify them
chicken, turkey, quail; good for a Sunday dinner but it’s those song-birds we wish we could kill
happiness after all is dissonant when there’s snow on the ground.
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
And Jesus said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing."Matthew 23:37
Spoiler! :
Okay I think my chicken doodling skills are better than my pigeon doodling skills - good to know! :]
author comment: For those uncomfortable with feminine imagery & pronouns for the divine, I used to also not be quite sure about it so can understand that it might be uncomfortable for some, that's fine, hopefully we can agree to disagree on this one. - Believing that God is not just "male" or a projection of patriarchal control is pretty important to my own view of who God is. And I'd recommend "She Who Is" by Elizabeth A Johnson, if anyone's interested in reading about about this sort of thing from a scriptural, Christian perspective.
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
ahh I think the last poem may be one of my favorites of yours. I really love the way you structured this in a letter - all the wanderlust and longing and magic in it and I think it really struck a chord in me <3
@PrincessInk thank you! I love epistolary poems, and I'm glad that one came across that way - I was a little afraid it could be taken kind of darkly? But I definitely was going for sad/longing rather than sad/defeated. Thank you for stopping by to comment! <3
24. where have we gone, we do not know, we only wait to return
for @CaptainJack
Spoiler! :
When I chose the theme of birds, I wasn't sure quite what I wanted to do or where it would go, or if I'd be able to think of very many bird-related things during April. CaptainJack always inspires me with their endless poetic creativity and upon hearing I was writing about birds - immediately sends me a picture of these giant extinct human-sized penguins. They're haunting. Take a look at the wikipedia articles about them. I knew not how I would incorporate this into my NaPo - but it has been done. Thanks Jack, for your encouragement, humor, and poetic-inspo! <3
I adore the images in "poetry in plain sight"! how they just grow out of each other with the enjambments is really a delight to read. The metaphor of an origami crane in "the sky's too far" is a really creative way to work with the bird motif. I also like how the penguins in this last poem come in at the very end - a fun little surprise! Giant penguins sound fantastic, and I love how you've drawn them in the doodle. <3
@Liminality Thank you for your thoughtful comments!
Spoiler! :
(I used to fold up origami cranes and leave them all over, so I always think they're kind of magical and I'm glad you're enjoying the formatting and doodles!) fun note on that last poem I was definitely inspired by the stories of "nature returning" that people keep bringing up about all the self-isolation stuff; that while the humans are indoors, pollution is fading, turtles are thriving etc. -> there was a great meme on Facebook of a cow returning to the ocean. And there's something both inspiring and unsettling about all those images, because on one hand "yay, at least something's thriving if I'm not" and then on the other-hand it makes me feel kind of "yuck" like where's my place in the world? Does life really continue while I'm stuck in my apartment? Is my net-effect in the world good/bad, and what makes it that way. So I thought it'd be interesting to reflect on what else we might be missing while we're inside, but blow it out of proportion resulting in dino-chickens returning highlighting our disconnect with nature. // I don't think the poem captured all that! but hopefully at least got a bit of the "this seems off" feeling. XD
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
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