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The weight of my word



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Mon Mar 16, 2020 6:29 pm
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Traves says...



goal -> 15 poems in 30 days. Written one day. Edited another.
added goal. -> every title will be a verb or verb focused. More verbs in general.

Index
1. The weight of my word
2. The weight of my word
3. The weight of my word
Last edited by Traves on Sat Apr 18, 2020 6:11 am, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Thu Apr 02, 2020 10:59 am
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Traves says...



1.

fall


fall, like leaves swinging left-right in autumn
fall, like heavy smoke settling to the bottom
fall, like faces in cars that never stopped driving
fall, endlessly like the end of a scary dream
fall, like the last word of a death sentence
fall, like the last man at the end of times
and remember to fall alone
lest we all fall down.
Last edited by Traves on Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Thu Apr 02, 2020 1:04 pm
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Liminality says...



Love how you've arranged different meanings and images of "falling" to transition to the subject of the poem! The "falling" in the last lines particularly leave an impact, modifying the whole message and making the reader look back with a different perspective.
  





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Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:58 pm
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Traves says...



Thanks @Liminality
I had a few more lines ready but decided that the repetition would overstay its welcome so the tone changed rather rapidly at the end
  





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Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:01 am
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niteowl says...



Hi NaPo buddy! I think it's neat that you're trying to add more verbs to your poems. Verb! It's what happening!. :P

Seriously, I really like what you did with the wordplay of fall in this first poem. It's also such an interesting progression from simple descriptions to more eerie speculation like "the last man at the end of times".

It kind of reminded me of a sonnienzo, which @Audy discussed in a NaPo challenge a few years ago. You take a word from a sonnet and use it in every other line, ending with a rhyming couplet. A Poet's Universe. It might be fun to try it.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





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Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:08 am
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Traves says...



Thanks @niteowl ! I'll check them out.
  





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Fri Apr 03, 2020 1:18 pm
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LZPianoGirl says...



Hey Traves! I think the Verb theme is very interesting. Also, your Fall poem was amazing! I really liked how you organized it! Keep up the great poem writing!

Your NaPo Buddy, LZ
My Memes and Other Random Stuff Tumblr: https://lzpianogirl.tumblr.com/

You will drive yourself less crazy if you adhere to the dictum that other people's success is not your failure. - Christian Borle
  





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Tue Apr 07, 2020 10:44 pm
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mckaylaam says...



Hi Traves, I just wanted to say that your first poem is really neat! I love the imagery you created here and the progression towards a dark (but interesting) ending. I think that it's neat you are going to title each poem with a verb, I can't wait to see what else you come up with! :)
And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone.


  





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Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:39 pm
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Traves says...



2.

failing to drown

Every day blends in to the
same everyday stew —
too good to be called
bad and too bland to be asked
for the recipe when someone tastes it

ladled frequently out into bowls of time slots
which hoped for more and expected less.

There is no pursuit left un-hanging by the
self-aware Dunning-Kruger sitting on hills.

It (safely) frantically struggles
for balance by finding more hills
to rest on when vertigo is induced
by the sight of mountains
far away and the smiling,
marred faces on their tops.

(Safely) because a ragged breath
could signal a rapid death
into a lower state, a slower rate
so it fails to drown.

It thrashes about, the poor thing
gnashes its teeth and shouts
but only in shallow waters where
it’ll fail to drown in anything
of worth.

All the words in the world cannot pick up
the bits left behind by these recurrent
thoughts that have smashed the insides
of its head like strong currents driving
a ship into the rocks, leaving it lessened
less Sisyphus, more boulder.

Stories half-read and written
embarked upon to forget this fact
and then forgotten themselves
are strewn across its mind
and life.

When it stands on the bridge’s railing
wavering with the wind, waiting for nothing
it still likes to imagine though, that
someone is glad that it’s failing to drown.
  





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Thu Apr 16, 2020 1:54 am
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niteowl says...



Wow I love this. The first and last stanza especially hit home, since that was basically how I was the last few years.
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  





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Sat Apr 18, 2020 6:10 am
Traves says...



@mckaylaam thanks!
@niteowl I'm happy someone identified with it!
  





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Sat Apr 18, 2020 6:10 am
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Traves says...



3.

Spoiler! :

Compartmentalizing

We belittle the area a thought controls,
when it holds a bit less, weighs a bit more.
Because it’s easier to be partin wholes

that become too big to fit in loopholes.
Turn the lights off on it, have a loud snore,
we belittle the dream a thought controls.

It hurts your mind-lions reduced to foals—
caged up to be displayed at the fore.
Because it’s easier to be a part in wholes,

in the collected shrieks of corrected souls.
Stepping in to clean those cages is a chore,
we belittle the life a thought controls.

Picking half wins to giving up some goals,
fearing the schism waiting behind the door,
because it’s easier to be parting holes.

Putting the cages on display like a store,
sentences parted unnaturally before
we belittle the area a thought controls,
‘cause it’s easier to be apart in wholes.

  








My existence is political. And love is my statement.
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