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1, 2

symptoms of life

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Sun Mar 15, 2020 7:00 pm

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trashykawa says...

Spoiler! :

INDEX

1. In Between the Lines
2. Remains Of Faith
3. The Only Thing You'll learn is that Nostalgia can't be Described
4. My Mind is Blue (and Red)
5. It's All the Forevers who are at Fault
6. 'Rain' sounds like 'Love'
7.

Last edited by trashykawa on Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:07 pm, edited 13 times in total.

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:43 pm

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trashykawa says...

Spoiler! :

1.

In Between the Lines

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 144425
Reviews: 1227

Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:59 pm

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alliyah says...

Love love love what you're doing with formatting in this first one @hiraeth - the concept of "between the lines" in poetry is neat. Looking forward to keeping up with your thread this month!

you should know i am a time traveler &
there is no season as achingly temporary as now

but i have promised to return

Gender:

Points: 2994
Reviews: 155

Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:57 am

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Arcticus says...

"Today I made you blush"

I love the feel of this idea, of stirring something in someone else, in this case - seeing someone blush because of you. Ah that's some really cute imagery.

You either worship something higher than yourself or end up worshiping yourself

Naturally Tipsy ©

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:20 pm

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trashykawa says...

@alliyah @Arcticus ahhh thanks guys!

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:27 pm

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trashykawa says...

Spoiler! :

2.

Remains Of Faith

| 2 point 1 |

| 2 point 2 |

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 825
Reviews: 453

Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:53 pm

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Lib says...

Oh wow, hiraeth, your poems are awesome! The formatting is super cool and your word choices are super neat because they make the imagery so sharp! I'm eager to see more <3

*insert quirky signature here*

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:56 pm

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trashykawa says...

thank you so much, @Liberty <3

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 5966
Reviews: 498

Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:13 am

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Que says...

Lovely second poem, hiraeth! I like how the first and last parts connect to each other.

This part,

Read my words
Goodbye
~~Means I love you,~~
See ya, someday
Means I’ll think of you again,
always.
(Everyday)
Your picture like a hologram before my eyes
you will not be there
but you will be there
a watermark, an overlay
over everything I see.

hit me sooooo hard and is really the best way to describe saying goodbye but meaning something more and thinking of them always. <3

Parlez-vous français?

Gender:

Points: 283
Reviews: 1

Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:41 am

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CqpM8012 says...

Formatting is so so good! Like it a lot!

Medicine, law, business, engineering,
these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life
But poetry, beauty, romance, love
these are what we stay alive for
- Dead poets society

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Sat Apr 04, 2020 10:20 pm

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trashykawa says...

3.

The Only Thing You'll learn is that Nostalgia can't be Described

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 5966
Reviews: 498

Sun Apr 05, 2020 4:58 am

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Que says...

Ooh I love the formatting you did with this one @hiraeth! For some reason the flowers just fit really well with nostalgia. I particularly like your last four lines, especially your soul being less full. <33

Parlez-vous français?

Gender:

Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Sun Apr 05, 2020 4:48 pm

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mckaylaam says...

All of your poems so far are lovely, but my favorite would have to be your second one, remains of faith. I think the part that hit me the most was this:

But I sew my eyes shut
because there are tears now, pools of it
running down your skin
and you don't say anything
because some of it is yours too.

What an extremely bittersweet poem. Keep up the amazing work!

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Sun Apr 05, 2020 5:13 pm

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trashykawa says...

Spoiler! :

4.

My Mind is Blue (and Red)

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

Gender:

Points: 4055
Reviews: 98

Sun Apr 05, 2020 5:45 pm

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trashykawa says...

@mckaylaam @Querencia thank you so much!

I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA

1, 2

You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon

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