Young Writers Society

So I thought I commented here before?? I was like searching the thread five times over trying to find my comment so I don't accidentally duplicate what I said.

I adore your poems. It's one of the threads I look forward to reading. There isn't one I dislike, but I do know that the ones that I frequently recall are i, iii, and vii. vii made me so happy, I really like what you did with that one.

viii was also really well done. I love your word choice here, particularly the opening: "pineapple kisses cloud my mind, / sun-dropped flowers between my toes."

I also love how simple x is yet how great the story it is telling. It's telling such a large, grand story in such few, descriptive words.

@JabberHut ahhh thank you so much! I really don’t write poems that much and it makes me so happy to hear that you’re enjoying them !!

xii. poison apple

The poison apple wanders through
my mind, inviting me to have a taste.
The first bite is oh so sweet
it whispers.

I found this poison apple on a summer
tree a few years ago.
It had prompted me to pluck it
from the leaves, murmuring
pick me pick me pick me pick me.

This poison apple does not rot.
It whispers in my ear, wanders in my mind.
I know it is a poison apple. It has
told me so, repeating it over and over
and over and over and over and over.
I am a poison apple
I am a poison apple
pick
me
eat
me

I do not eat this poison apple.
But it poisons my mind.

xiii. jack

jack is the farm boy in
a tiny village of farmland and rolling hills,
a horse’s ride away from the kingdom of princes.

the kingdom of princes has their own heroes;
valiant warriors slaying dragons and winning the
king’s gracious approval and awards.

fee, fi, fo, fum

perhaps the young englishman is the
truest hero of all.

I agree with JabberHut Rain, your NaPo has been delightful so far! I appreciate that you took a theme and are sticking to it. They're fun, because in a lot of them you've got a good clear narrative thread - but then you'll pull in some creative repetition or something unexpected to turn the familiar story a bit. I like the poisoned apple poem quite a bit as I think it's a pretty interesting perspective to write a poem from! Nice work throughout Rain!

xiv. gold

Can I turn this straw into gold?
I cannot but he certainly can,
and I pay my ring and then my
bracelet and then my love for
freedom.

annnnd here’s 15

xv. denouement

colors weep at this time of day
it is too dark to see anything anymore and
the moon is but a sliver crescent in the sky.

shadows of dragons flutter
and fairies to my left soar.

I wonder when the sun will come up,
but it feels so far away.