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tatterdemalion dreamcoats



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Points: 4033
Reviews: 24
Tue Apr 23, 2019 5:56 am
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paperforest says...



Thanks, alliyah! Your encouragement means a lot to me. :D I think I can get to 15 poems, I'm going to try my best!

#10
chant to keep the world turning / these brief ages

we sit on the roots of ancient mountains,
grown strong on shells and bones and the push
of the earth turning within itself,
ground down by rain and wind and the sharpened beaks
of birds that did not yet know they might be birds,
worn smooth by an age of ice

time sheaves off in moments as of glaciers
slowly breaking into the sea -
wash up at the roots of an ancient forest,
new roots cradling the waves -
we sit in the riverbeds of canyons not yet grown
and the earth turns within itself
and we hold tightly for a moment to our bones
  





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24 Reviews



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Reviews: 24
Sun Apr 28, 2019 5:50 pm
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paperforest says...



This one's a bit of a dud, I like both the format idea and the phrase "lemon soul", but I don't think I did either justice here. Anyways, I'm shooting for a grand 15 poems so I'd better put this here anyways and get on with the next one.

#11
mad libs philosophy

here i stand with my (lemon) soul,
my (teeth) bared, my life laid out,
(overthinking) for you to see. What
do you (smell) when you think of
(the world)? Is a (lemon) life a
good (thought), a (world) worth
(overthinking)? Perhaps the only
true (smell) is one with good (teeth).
  





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24 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4033
Reviews: 24
Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:57 pm
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paperforest says...



@Magestorrow's most recent poem got me thinking about prom, and my reasons for not going. Also I went to my friend's band's dance last night and it was probably the first time I've truly enjoyed being at a dance, so it was fun to write about dances. I'm not completely sure about the end, but it's ok for now.

#12
the idea of prom

how does one dance?
draped in music and sweat and
the pulsing rhythm in your feet,
eyes closed to better feel the beat
surrounded by the people you've known
for years, laughed and teased and danced with
so many times already,
their gazes soft on your back and you can dance
because they don't care if you're foolish
so long as you can be foolish together

in the death of the year when i walk late into class,
the gazes are as stiff as my spine and everybody
learns my name faster than i can remember all of theirs
and i might like to dance with them but
that's not really how it works -
they've been pumped full of this music for all the years
i wasn't there, and i don't know how
to dance

how would i like to dance?
cloaked in drumbeats and lost friend's voices,
unaware of my spine and well-meaning gazes,
eyes closed to forget there is anything but music
surrounded by the sound of long-ago names
i'll know who i am and i'll wear what i like
and i'll dance foolishly as long as i'm not alone

but for now, i'll opt out of standing in corners with drinks
and i'll stand in the quiet sunlight at home
because i'm not yet ready for that sad afterparty mess,
the floor scattered with scraps of paper and silken
ribbons, and the fragments of words left silent
no longer lodged within my throat
  





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Points: 4033
Reviews: 24
Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:58 pm
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paperforest says...



#13
windowbeams stretch out warm on cool brown tiles
the colour of pale tree bark, the colour of lightglowing honey hives
sunlight is a cat with her eyes closed in the warmth
outside the grass is the kind of green that soaks
through your skin and pools in your sleepy eyes
a healing salve green, a cough syrupsticky blue of a sky
  





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Mon Apr 29, 2019 6:27 am
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EternalRain says...



Ooooh, I really love the imagery and use of color in #13. So beautiful. "lightglowing honey hives" and "cough syrupsticky blue of a sky" are my favorite lines in that! The overall feeling this poem emits is just wonderful! I'm getting cozy vibes but also a less-cozy vibe with the last three lines. Really liked it :)
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”

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Thu May 02, 2019 4:37 am
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niteowl says...



Hi there! I know it's been a while since I checked in, but I thought I'd give some final thoughts.

Congrats on getting 13 poems done this NaPo! They're all fantastic and there's some lovely imagery.

how would i like to dance?
cloaked in drumbeats and lost friend's voices,
unaware of my spine and well-meaning gazes,


I really like the emotions of this poem, about contrasting the ideal of what the dance should be with what is (the awkward standing in the corner and not knowing how to dance).

The lemon soul one is weak, but I do like the idea of a lemon soul and the phrase "what do you smell when you think of the world?". I feel like those could make good poems as separate ideas if you wanted to expand on them.

#10 has some beautiful timeless imagery. I'm not sure how to interpret it, but it's almost like the speaker is outside of time, that they see things that are young, old, and long dead all at once. The ending line makes me think they are trying to hold on to this ancient past, fighting the forces of nature. Very interesting.

Congrats on getting 13 awesome poems in! :D
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>
  








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