z

Young Writers Society


Anyone wanna help?



Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 100
Reviews: 0
Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:15 am
monsteratmidnight says...



I wrote a story; anyone want to add to it? :D

Here:

The storm clouds were rolling in like a fast pace mob. We had no chance to take cover anywhere since we were out in a space of grass the size of a football field. We ran to the car while lightning and thunder chased our tails. Being electrocuted was not on my list today.

I fought through the tear drops of the sky pouring like a waterfall. I could barely see a foot in front of me. I was plummeted with water from all sides. Finally I had made it to the safety of my car, or so I thought. Not two seconds from when I touched the car had I heard the scream of disapproval. Lightning had just struck my car before I was able to get in. Numbness and pain shook through my body like a bad frost bite. Then it all went blank.

I woke up drenched in murky water. Mud had seeped through my clothes and chilled my whole body. I turned over my hands to see a pattern of scars all the way up to my arm. How was I alive right now? I feel so lifeless. Oh no, James! I slowly was able to turn on my side to face the way we had came from. Was he okay?

The pain came back, but I had to find my best friend, I don’t care about nothing else. He was stretched across the floor holding his knee. I was able to shake through the pain and get to him. He had told me that I had passed out after being electrocuted.

“Look what you’ve got your self into now“, he said franticly, “You almost got yourself killed! I really thought you were dead! I was so mad I couldn’t get you in time. As you can see, I fell before I could tell you what a stupid idea it was to think to run to the car, oh my god, what happened to your hand?”

Lightning was the only word that could come out of my mouth. I began to shake like a leaf and I knew we had to go to the hospital. Blood was starting to leak through his hurt leg. We both knew it was broken but could barely say anything. I was so happy that able see him again.

“We better go.” I mumbled and slowly got up to my feet. I barely had any strength left. I forced myself to help up James and we limped back to the car together supporting each other’s weight. By then the rain had stopped. Thank god that day I had left my phone in the car! I tried to dial on the keys but my hand keep slipping. Slowly I gave up and handed it to James to handle. “Hi, Mrs. Keller, your not going to like this but…,” James’s voice gradually became lower until I couldn’t hear his voice anymore. For everything went eerie silent as I drifted into a deep sleep.

[…]

I awoke for the second time today in a daze. All I could see was white. It was extremely bright in this room and I tried looking into the source of my irritation and seen a open window. I wondered how it was so sunny outside when just before it had been a horrible thunderstorm. I sure did not think it was heaven because of the pain I had in my chest. I had to be in a hospital.

Every time I breathed it felt like I was tearing a hole in my chest. The pain was overwhelming.

All I could think about was my breath being numbered. I felt I would die on the spot. My eyes had now adjusted to the light. I looked around the room once more and seen an armchair beside my bed, on the ledge of it, a coat. I needed my doctor now. The pain was so unbearable, it wouldn’t go away. Where was everyone?

I tried to call someone in to help me but all that came out were mere distorted groans. I felt like a prisoner of my own body. Tears slowly slipped down my face as I realized something went very wrong with me.

It felt like forever before someone came in my room. The nurse brought in a tray with her and had a surprised look on her face when she saw me. I tried talking again and I whispered, “What happened to me?” I was amazed I was able to say. The nurse told me that I shouldn’t waste my time talking and I should not strain myself when she saw how much effort it took me to talk. I looked at the tray and seen it was food, Immediately I was taken over by hunger. I wondered when was the last time I had eaten something, but I couldn’t remember much.

The nurse started talking to me, she said, “I’m surprised your even up, you haven’t been awake in a few days and we thought maybe.. Well anyways were glad your awake and now we can talk to you and asked you what may have happened, but since I see the condition you are in I would not want to bother you with that now.”

She continued, “As I said before you don’t look good, which means our hypothesis may be correct. We wished I was going to be okay for you but now we see its not and so I’ll tell you your condition and what may happen in the future. With the trauma that you had received from the shock of electricity, it had bad affects to your heart. Your brain had suffered from it too but as I can see you didn’t get a mental problem from it. Its going take a while for you to recover and the shock had caused a lot of damage to your nervous system. For now though, you must eat otherwise you will become sick and not strain yourself otherwise your recovery make take an even longer process.”

I winced loudly and she took the hint she check my chart and realized that the doctors had said that when I wake up I needed to take pain medicine. She then left the room for a minute and came back with a cup and two tiny tablets in it. When she came back I glanced at her name tag which stated her name to be Bonnie.

I usually hated taken medicine for pain, or for anything for that matter, but I quickly decided that I should because the throbbing in my chest was so great.

A nursing assistant came in and almost cried out when she saw me. She became professional again and snapped out of it really quick and chimed in, “You poor thing! It’s a wonderful thing that you are alive but a shame that you are going to have such problems. You may experience that your hand movements have slowed so you won’t be able to write. It will take longer for your other problems though.”

Nurse Bonnie interrupted and stated almost angrily, “You shouldn’t try and scare her with this now, Sarah. She will get better and she shouldn’t have to worry about this until later. Oh by the way, Meredith, your parents are on the way so you could see them in a few minutes for I told them I was going to call them when you wake up and so I did.”

I was happy I was going to see my parents but I was stressed out by being bombarded with all of this information that I just wanted to be alone for a while. We never had any big problems between us but I felt like it wasn’t a good time to see them. Even with this I muttered slowly with my worsened voice, “Thank you nurse Bonnie.”

End. For Now.





User avatar
180 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 771
Reviews: 180
Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:28 pm
Cspr says...



This sounds pretty cool. I might want to add to it--as I have a nervous system problem myself and I might be able to be help. But, I'd need to know a few things... Um, like if it was really lightning or if something awesome is going to happen like she morphs or something... Eh. Um, PM me if you're still interested in continuing it?
My SPD senses are tingling.








Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns