Young Writers Society

Although Evaline didn't show it, she knew Vincian was right. He was right with a multitude of reasons, really.

She did keep this on her shoulders as a burden. She often asked herself, over and over and over: What did I even do to deserve James? Why did he stay? Why does he even love me? What did I do to deserve that? Why, why, why?

Vincian had asked her who was the real time waster, but it was neither James, nor Vincian.

It was her. She was the true time waster.

Wasn't that just fitting? That she could turn black the clock, and didn't believe in wasting time because of it, but she made herself an exception? Maybe it wasn't fitting. Maybe it was just meant to be.

Had she changed? She thought she did. She thought she did, after being with James for months and traveling together, just the two of them, figuring life out on their own, hand-in-hand.

But clearly, she didn't. He was only a band-aid to the biggest problem: herself.

She shot him a piercing glare, not letting her thoughts affect her expression, and not losing eye contact.

"If you dislike me so much, then stop. talking," she said cooly. "Just leave. I never asked you to stay, and I never asked you to be here. Just go. No one's keeping you here."

"Are you asking me that, or James?"

"You," she said without hesiation. "I'm talking to you. James isn't even here."

He shrugged. "Sounds like something you would've said to James, too. True, not now, but... when?" He added, "Also, I don't dislike you. If anything, I'm indifferent, which I'm sure is just as frustrating an answer."

"It is," Evaline said, deciding to ignore Vincian's previous statements about James. "It is so frustrating. Makes me want to up and walk away. It's too bad neither of us are doing that, right? It's almost as if I'm stuck here."

"I mean, why should I care about Evaline? Why should anyone? Why should James? Why should you."

"I don't know! Why are you asking me about others opinions? Just ask them!" she said, finding her voice getting more and more exasperated as she gestured away from them, like there was an audience he could ask.

Vincian was deadly calm. "They're not here. You are."

Evaline kept her hardened glare on him. "Thank you, I had no idea," she said with a voice thick with sarcasm.

He continued like he didn't hear her. "You make it pretty easy to not like you. Almost too easy. Almost, and stop me if I'm projecting here," he stared at her for a moment, "but also like you want people to not like you. Makes it easier, huh."

She refused to give him the satisfaction of a reaction that he picked up on her projecting words. It only meant she had to adapt. No more trying to fish out information. Just push away.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought I was in therapy," she said lowly, then glanced around, arms up to gesture around her again. "Hello? Anybody else trapped in this prison they didn't sign up for? Anyone? Great."

"With how you act, I'm surprised you even know what therapy is."

Well, that stung, but she pretended it didn't.

"I'd ask you to share your wisdom for my feeble, stupid mind, but I'd rather stay ignorant, thanks," she said back.

Vincian chuckled at that. "You are a bad liar." He fidgeted, shifting his weight in his chair. "I think, and of course they're just my thoughts, so who gives a shit, right? But, I think you actually do care. And, honestly, we're both stuck here, so what's the point of not caring."

Evaline narrowed her eyes at him, slowly sitting back down on her chair, slumping back into it as she tilted her head up to stare at the blank ceiling. What she would give to be back under Nye's night skies right now with...

"If we're going to be stuck here, I'd rather stay sitting in silence until we get unstuck," she said without looking at him.

"If we stay in silence, you'll still be thinking the same things. Just in your head. At least if we talk about it, you might get some, I don't know, solace. I know what it's like getting stuck in your own head."

"Do you? Do you really?" Evaline countered. "Because last I checked, you've said nothing about yourself. Why don't you stop getting stuck in your own head?"

"I must not. So, please enlighten me, oh so talkative Evaline." He raised his hands to the heaven, then slumped back down. "And, so we're back to square one, then." He sighed. "Fine. You have the floor. What do you want to know?"

"Look back and ask yourself: have you changed?" Evaline spat, throwing his own question back to his face.

"Really? Out of everything you could have asked, you asked that?" Vincian sighed. "Yes, I've gotten older. But you wouldn't even know if I was saying the truth because you have nothing to base it off of."

"Neither do you. That doesn't stop you from asking questions, so it's not going to stop me, either," she countered.

He scoffed. "I hope you realize how childish you sound right now. C'mon, I'm giving you a genuine offer to learn more about me."

Evaline decided to ignore the insult for the sake of brevity. "Yes, and you're not answering my question."

"Fair enough. If this is what'll get us past this, then fine." He rubbed his eyes. "I used to be a huge pessimist. I used to hate myself, hate everyone around me, and hate the world. Through a process really similar to this, I had to ask myself... why? Why am I using up so much energy for hate? If you want the easy way out, the cheap way, the lazy way, you gotta stop hating."

Evaline didn't really care. Not really. But she decided to play along, entertaining this reversal of roles. If he was hellbent on figuring her out, then she'd be hellbent on figuring him out.

"Is that so? And how did you do that?"

"I almost died."

Vincian stared at her, and Evaline stared at him right back, finding herself sitting up straighter, quiet for a moment.

"But... you didn't," she said in the ensuring silence, accidentally sounding uncertain.

"Yeah, it's a funny situation. Well, funny in that that's how dire things had to get for me to change."

"What happened?" she asked, then paused. "If... you don't mind me asking."

Vincian smirked. "Who's opening up to who at this point? Nuh uh. You gotta share."

Evaline rolled her eyes, leaning back on her chair. "Is that how you want to do this? You share, then I share? Fine. Whatever. Is this going to get us out of here sooner? Is that why we're here?"

Vincian scoffed. "You're guess is as good as mine." He faltered for a moment. "Truth. I do mind you asking. For right now, at least. Snark aside, I've shared more with you than you have with me, and I've received nothing but hostility."

She crossed her arms and watched him for a long pause. The silence dragged on so long, it started to feel uncomfortable. But she needed it to prepare for her next words, even though she was also silently begging Vincian to say something else so she could take a different lead instead.

"I only asked because I've also almost died," she said slowly and casually. "Multiple times, really. Too many to count. But I always come out unscathed, because I can. That's all I can do, really. Run away from my problems. From people and beasts trying to claim my life. But it doesn't matter, in the end. Pain is a necessary component to temporary suffering. It only makes me stronger."

"Pain is only temporary, unless it's yourself who's causing it." And Vincian raised his hands in a placating manner. "Before you say something sarcastic, I mean it for the both of us. You see, the thing that almost killed me wasn't someone else, or a monster, or a beast. It was my own body. And it's not like it stopped, either. My own body wants to kill me." He leaned in. "Dramatic, but true. Sound familiar?"

It did, but not for the reasons Vincian would ever know. Her thoughts were reaching somewhere that he knew he would know nothing about, since there were simple memories of other people she didn't care to remember at the moment.

Still, she narrowed her eyes at him, tightening her arms across her chest.

"No," she said firmly. "I'm not suicidal, if that's what you're getting at. I would never want to end my life. I like living and intend to keep on living." She sighed. "Listen. I'm not sure what your situation is, but I'm sorry you went through that. It's not dramatic to me. It sounds like your body and mind each have a different entity, but it shouldn't be that way."

Vincian held out a hand. "Before you go on another rant, or tell me something about how we're not the same. My body wasn't the only thing out for me. It was my mind, as well. You say you run, and it's what you're good at, but when will you figure out you can't run from your own thoughts?"

"Great question, did you figure that out since your mind was destroying you too?" she said cooly, knowing she was being defensive for no reason, but it was just natural at this point.

"I don't know, have you, yet?"

"I asked first," she shot back, disliking that she was resorting to childish logic, but at the moment, she didn't care.

"Really?" He asked, crossing his arms. "Fine, let's be that way." He settled into his chair and locked eyes with her.

"Well?" she said stubbornly, refusing to be the first to lose eye contact. "Are you going to answer?"

He said nothing, and it was driving Evaline insane. She couldn't take the silence anymore, and the words were coming out like vomit.

"Oh, what, that's how you want to do this?" she said through gritted teeth, deeply furrowing her brows as the tension in her crossed arms increased and traveled through her body. "You want me to answer you first? Hah! Fine. I'll answer you. Because that's what you're doing -- mining information from me, like I'm full of answers for you, but guess what? I don't have any of them. You want to know when I've figured out how to run from my own thoughts? Never. The answer is never. I haven't. And you want to know if I've figured it out? Let me put this together for you: I haven't, and I won't get to. This is my life. I can't just turn it off. Can you turn off your own body? No. So why do you ask?!"

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Are you done?"

By the time she finished, she found herself breathing heavily from yelling, and loose strands of hair fell across her face. She quickly tucked it behind her ear and took a deep breath through her nose, forcing herself to calm down.

Evaline wasn't done, but she had to force the words down, because she disliked his snark and refused to be put in place.

"I went. Now answer my question," she said lowly.

"Yes, I did. I figured out how to not run away from my thoughts when I almost died from my body. It's exhausting to try and fight both mind and body. And since fixing my body was impossible, I figured I would try to fix my mind."

"What if it wasn't that way?" she said. "What if you could fix your body? Would you do that instead of fixing your mind?"

That got a genuine laugh out of Vincian. "No, no. There's no way to fix my body. It's genetic."

"But pretend it's fixable. Would you?"

"Yes." He coughed. "Yes."

Evaline was quiet for another moment, watching him intently. Observing him, seeing what makes him tick.

"So just to clarify, you would fix your body over your mind?" she asked.

"Yes."

Evaline deeply sighed. "We're not so different, you and I," she said, deciding to look away. "At least, from that aspect."

"But, it doesn't have to be just one or the other." He chuckled. "Well, for me, it does, but not for you."

Evaline bit her lip, only for a moment. "I disagree. For me, it's one or the other. I can't have both either."

"So, what's wrong with your body, then?"

"Nothing's wrong with it," she said with another sigh. "I'm just tired of saving myself, and tired of saving others."