Casper
Days went by and it was clear my father was getting worse. At night he'd stir in his sleep, sweat beading on his forehead. At times he'd groan but he never opened his eyes, never fully woke up.
I sat by his bedside throughout it all. Clara and my mother would take turns visiting. I'm beginning to suspect they're more worried about me than Father.
There was a small knock on the door before Clara hesitantly walked in. Her eyes were a sad mixture of pity and sorrow. She came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulder.
"How's he doing?"
I didn't answer her. I felt too heavy, too drained to find words. I wouldn't have been surprised if someone took hundreds of pounds of weight off my back and told me I had been carrying it. All I've ever wanted to do was please my father. Now he's dying and all I've ever caused him was disappointment. It was eating away at me, rotting me from the inside out.
She leaned down and kissed under my ear. "It's been eight days since you've left this room, Cass," she said softly. "Come on, I've run a bath for you."
I stayed where I was for a moment, gathering the strength to stand up. I glanced at the healer who gave me a firm nod. Clara took my arm and lead me to our room. The bright lights in the corridors hurt my eyes. Father's chambers were kept dim.
Steam was rising off the water in the oval shaped tin tub. I stood numbly in front of it.
Clara looked at me as if I were a wounded puppy, but I guess in a way I was. She carefully walked up to me and slipped her hands under my shirt. She slowly pulled off my shirt and tossed it aside. She ran her thumb over my cheek, pulling my face up so I'd meet her eyes. I could tell she was hurting too.
She undid my belt buckle and added it to the growing pile of clothes. Once she eased me out of the rest of my clothes, she helped me step into the water. I liked the way the heat stung my skin. I silently wished it was hotter, then maybe it would burn away all the guilt.
The sponge was cold with soap as she squeezed suds over my shoulders.
"It's okay to grieve," she said, her voice still soft and quiet. "But it's killing me to see you destroy yourself like this."
She poured water over my head. She ran her hands through my hair, tangling it with shampoo. Beside the tub, Leo gently licked Luc clean. Water droplets hung from my nose and chin.
"I love you." She paused what she was doing to look at me. "You know that, right?"
I gave the slightest hint of a nod. I wanted to say it back but at the moment I couldn't. It was like my lips were sewn shut and every time I tried or wanted to say something, the thread didn't let me. My mouth wasn't sewn shut though and I could've said something to ease her pain but I didn't. I remained still and selfishly silent.
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