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Snoink's desperate plea for works to review



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Thu Sep 12, 2013 4:22 am
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Snoink says...



Hi, I'm Snoink.

*waits for bored response of, "Hi, Snoink."

I just sprained my ankle walking out of my house, because I am the clumsiest person that you've ever known.

I can't move.

I need to do something productive.

...and that's where you come in!

GIVE ME SOMETHING TO REVIEW.

Of course, there are rules...

1. Give me a link of something to review. No links = no review.

2. Tell me the genre.

3. Give a little excerpt to make me excited about your piece.

4. Don't give me a whole novel to review! First chapters are fine. If I am intrigued, I might review more... but I won't give out any promises! I am bad at keeping up with long things. :(

5. If you want a special type of review (aka, video review, mean reviews, extra nice reviews, reviews with an emphasis on characters, etc.) specify it on your request! If not, I'll just review it however I darn well please!

...sound good? YAY.

LET'S GO!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Fri Sep 13, 2013 4:40 am
Stellabeam says...



"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Snoink!!!"

I tried not to make that bored sounding.

Anyway last year I started to write a novel for NaWriMo and I put it to the side because I was busy with a couple other projects I was working on. I put the first chapter up and I was hoping for a 3rd opinion before I started either revising or re-writing it.

Basically, I was coming up with a Beauty and the Beast retelling with elements of the Man in the Iron Mask in it. A crossover between the two stories essentially and the working title is "Beastie" (not to be confused with Beastly).

To give you the most exciting part

I would say “Once Upon a Time” to start out this story. But it isn’t really appropriate because people would think this some sort of cheesy fairytale. It is a tale but no fairies are involved only dazzling enchantresses. It’s not cheesy either there’s lots of misery and anguish throughout. It involves a shy, smart girl, the man who wouldn’t stop chasing her, the man in agony needing to be loved and of couple of eccentric sidekicks along the way.


The chapter is at once an intro as well as the first chapter something I didn't realize until it had been posted and was pointed out to me by one of my reviewers. This makes it confusing to read along with the grammatical errors throughout the piece. I should and will fix them but first I want to find out how much I will need to fix once I compare all three of my reviews.

Now that my apologetic is over ( I'm Catholic. Something you probably surmised over the last rambling paragraph or so) I ask that you please review my rough, rough, first draft. A mean review would be most helpful.

If this is not your style of writing/editing/reviewing or if it's too horrible feel free to ignore it and nurse your poor ankle back to health.

Here it is
Beastie (Chapter 1)

Thank you!

ps. Do you really do video reviews? They sound like all the good type of awesome and crazy mixed into one!
“A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.”- Groucho Marx

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."-J. Danforth Quayle

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it- M. Twain
  





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Fri Sep 13, 2013 4:56 am
Snoink says...



Yay for @Stellabeam! I am Catholic too, so I understand. ;)

Would you like a video review?
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Fri Sep 13, 2013 5:06 am
Stellabeam says...



That would be the most amazing editing advice I have gotten to date :D

If it's not too much trouble.
“A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.”- Groucho Marx

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."-J. Danforth Quayle

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it- M. Twain
  





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Fri Sep 13, 2013 6:18 am
Snoink says...



Done! Next? :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:28 am
HostofHorus says...



Ooo Snoink is starting a reviewing service up? I think yes. Would you review this for me?
The Other Side of Hell

It's a lighthearted little piece that sort of examines religion in a sense. It's a short story! General fiction. Umm... A line that I've shared...

“Because things mattered when there was a chance that we could lose them,” Aristotle spoke, the first time in thousands of years. “When we did things with the knowledge that we must enjoy them while they last. That gave us excitement, that made things new and fresh.

You do video reviews? Haha I've never seen that before :) Sounds cool. Whatever you do most effectively is fine with me :)
HostofHorus Author, Poet, Dreamer, and Expressionist.
http://JRSStories.com
Stories Poems © As of January 1st 2014

Need a review? Feel free to ask me! :)
  





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Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:49 am
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SlushySlapped says...



Hello, my lovely Snoink!

I know, that like me, you are a romance novel junkie. I've started one myself. It's called Perfectly Imperfect. Here's a little excerpt:

"I just couldn't shake the growing sensation in the pit of my stomach. The one that insisted I would end up alone with twenty cats. Though, I guess I wouldn't be entirely alone. All I knew was that there was no such prince charming with his gallant horse on his way to save me. And just when I had thrown my arms up in defeat, ready to live a desolate and gloomy life, Parker caught me by surprise.

No, really.

He literally caught me."

I only have the prologue and first chapter up, so here's a link to the prologue:

Perfectly Imperfect: Prologue

Then it's up to you if you want to read/review chapter one! I'd just like a regular old honest review, even if it's harsh. I can handle it, I swear! I love criticism! :D

I hope you enjoy it and thank you! <3
  





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Sat Sep 14, 2013 7:38 am
thewriterinside says...



Ooooooh!
Here's one for you. Unbroken

I'd really appreciate any type of review you can give me. This is just the prologue. It's a supernatural romance (and don't worry, it's nothing like Twilight). I can't give too much away, but I will tell you that it is set in modern times. Enjoy!
I left my heart in
● Metropolis...●
  





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Tue Sep 17, 2013 6:26 am
EmmVeePi says...



Hey Snoink,
I would really appreciate a review of my childrens/action/adventure/fantasy The Rather Odd Adventures of Daisy: Volume 2 http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=104073 If you had the time a review of the prequel The Rather odd Adventures of Daisy: Volume 1 http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=97126 would also be welcome.
Plz and thx,
The Emm
  





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Thu Sep 19, 2013 2:20 pm
NinaRowan says...



Hey Snoink :)
Here is chapter one for that novel I was telling you about :3
​Chapter one
Could you please do a review on this piece, I would appreciate it a lot :)
Thanks
~Nina :D
  





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Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:47 am
wildwildcat says...



Heeeeeello Snoink! I would very much appreciate a review for my novella A Week for the World!
A Week For the World: Day 1 :Part 1

Our cynical hero Desmond has just one week to stop Armageddon. But with an attitude of hating the world, and players from both above and below with their own agendas, can he accomplish anything at all?

Thanks so much for offering to review my work
  





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Thu Oct 03, 2013 2:42 am
smanske15 says...



Hi, Snoink!
I'm new to YWS, and I LOVE IT!! The only problem it that I need someone to review my work. Below is a link to the start of my story, Maverick Odin, and the requested excerpt beneath that. The story is an action/adventure, supernatural, teen fiction genre. Hope you review and hope you get well soon! I once had surgery on my foot and was trapped for two weeks in bed. NOT FUN.

Maverick Odin

Oh! And please no video reviews! Besides that, review it however you'd like!:)
Thanks!

~Smanske15

Spoiler! :
I gripped the knife tightly in my hand. Despite having done this before, my heart pounded and I could feel my blood pumping adrenaline through my veins, sending a jolt of energy through every nerve in my body. For me, there was never anything quite like the thrill of the hunt.

A grunt came from my left and I looked up to meet eyes with Two-Bit.

I never really knew how Two-Bit fit in to our tight family of six, and had never gotten a serious answer when I asked. He was a gruff, immense man from Scotland, and he could fill the doorway with his stout frame. His beard, black like coals sitting in the fire, could make even Santa Claus jealous at its length and thickness. His appearance could intimidate you, as well as his great strength, but everyone who really knew him knew that he was the kindest man you would ever meet.

I offered him an nod, which he returned with a grin. I turned my gaze back to the small house.

The house was set back a ways from the road, the path leading up to it well overgrown with weeds and nearly impossible to get to unless on foot. My family and I had been keeping an eye on it for a good month--it's location made it the perfect place for summoning dark magic.

Perhaps I should explain a little. First off, my name is Maverick Odin. I was adopted by Gerard Guthrie when I was eight years old, and it was then that I learned my true destiny. There are sources of good in this world, and then there are sources of evil. You may turn away way I say this, or think that maybe you are reading a work of fiction, and I honestly don't care if you do. I only mean to warn those who are willing to listen.

When I was adopted by Gerard, I learned things that most consider to be...well, for lack of a better word, crazy. For centuries the Guthrie family has been in this line of work, and they are the best at what they do. You see, we hunt witches.
  





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Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:47 pm
Sassafras says...



Dearest Mrs. Snoink,

Please consider reviewing this humble little poem of mine. Mostly, I just vomit up poetry and post it in its raw form, and I want to start seriously writing, but to do that I need a lot of help. You're good at helping people so...

Take our bones, make us new

It is fairly short though, and a synopsis can't be made because it would ruin the whole thing. Thank you!

ReiseP xx
A pale imitator of a girl in the sky.
  





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Wed Nov 06, 2013 6:38 am
horrendous says...



Cyberpunk Fantasy, part one

gist: DSP Section 6 is running security on the GRUR summit in Germany when a mysterious paramilitary group attacks. The team must use their wit and incredible technology to defeat them and ascertain their purpose.
hor·ren·dous
adjective: shockingly dreadful; horrible
synonyms: appalling, frightful, hideous

--

Life is like a box of chocolates. Too much will make you sick.
  





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Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:00 pm
sbitonti says...



ReisePiecey wrote:Dearest Mrs. Snoink,

Please consider reviewing this humble little poem of mine. Mostly, I just vomit up poetry and post it in its raw form, and I want to start seriously writing, but to do that I need a lot of help. You're good at helping people so...

Take our bones, make us new

It is fairly short though, and a synopsis can't be made because it would ruin the whole thing. Thank you!

ReiseP xx


Hi Snoink! Like, ReiseP, I do throw up quite a lot of poetry. I want to begin writing a few chapters for future novels as well on YWS but I'd like to ask you to review what I have for now. I'd be rather quite content if you chose from either of the two pieces below. Any review is harsh, and I definitely need criticism to grow as a writer, so have at it!

The Carrier

or

Caped

Excerpts:

The Carrier:

Your sorrows were hidden

In the presence of my tears

But your arms grew weak

Despite that I was near.

...

You had secret demons

Stronger than the power of friends

For you hid from me very well

Until the very end.



Caped:

"I was,
A crimson cape
Violet, suede curtains
Shadows upon a white wall
The typical red brick wall
with tangled vines of ivy."

If anyone else would like to review as well, no one is stopping you. I need all the help I can get. Thank you in advance!
  








I communicate much better on paper than I do when I open my mouth.
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