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Sushi Critic



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Wed Sep 18, 2013 10:36 am
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AGWilliams says...



The Alder King

A fantasy short story.

"Granny Vase has been taken by the Alder King, and hidden somewhere in Fae, a world of magic. Will the creatures of the Alderlands help or hinder Ben?".

Just general feedback would be good :)
  





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Wed Sep 18, 2013 11:52 pm
SushiSashimi333 says...



@AGWilliams and @wildwildcat - I shall get to them as soon as I can, but with school and tennis it may take a while, also considering that they are both fairly long O_O I shall do my best and I hope my review will help ^_^
Sushi
  





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Fri Sep 20, 2013 1:17 am
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NinaRowan says...



Hello! :) I was wondering if you could review this piece for me? :3
​Chapter one
Review anything; grammar, tips, etc.
Thanks
~ Nina :D
  





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229 Reviews



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Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:12 pm
SushiSashimi333 says...



@NinaRowan - finished ^_^ Sorry for that second one, I pressed the back button and for some reason it posted twice O_O
Sushi
  





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Mon Oct 14, 2013 8:04 pm
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Kobita says...



could you review this for me, please?

In Dream Sequence

thanks
  





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Mon Oct 14, 2013 8:20 pm
SushiSashimi333 says...



@Kobita - sure, what would you like me to focus on?
Sushi
  





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Wed Oct 16, 2013 9:50 pm
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LexCarl says...



I was wondering If you could review a story I'm working on. I have about half a chapter done with my book "October." Here's the summary.

The story is about a man named Benjamin T. Waite he is one of a few survivors in a post-apocalyptic world where demons have dominated Planet Earth. His wife Jolene or "Jo" died in a devastating airplane accident on their way back home from their honey moon before the whole apocalypse started. He went back home shortly after to his hometown of New Orleans, LA. After returning home strange things started happening; people went missing, strange ritual sacrifices are found in cemeteries, abandoned warehouses, and houses, strange demonic symbols tagged in alleyways... etc.

I want to know your thoughts of the plot and I might need a little help on grammar, I'm not sure. I also would know any advice you may have on keeping the story interesting.

October
  





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Wed Oct 16, 2013 10:02 pm
SushiSashimi333 says...



@LexCarl - I shall get to it as soon as I can! Thank you so much for reading the directions, makes things so much easier on me ^_^
Sushi
  





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Wed Oct 16, 2013 10:08 pm
LexCarl says...



Not a problem. :)
  





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Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:11 pm
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SarcasticMockery says...



Hi! I'd really appreciate it if you could my first chapter of Removing The Mask!
It's about a girl who writes a book and gets it published at 15. She has a double identity with it though and lives two lives. Her mum is fame obsessed and drives her to get her name everywhere.
I'm not very good at writing descriptions on the spot. If you check out the description on the story, you'll have a better idea.

I've have loads of reviews on mistakes I've made in punctuation and I'd really appreciate it if you could let me know about the characters and description plot ect ect more than my mistakes. (I know they are there I just can't see them. Main reason is because I'm dyslexic.)

-Mock
  





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Thu Oct 17, 2013 7:42 pm
SushiSashimi333 says...



@SarcasticMockery - Sure thing! To be honest your description sounds interesting and I can't wait to read. So plot, characters, description, no grammar ^_^ I'll get on that asap.
Sushi
  





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Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:29 pm
Kobita says...



@SushiSashimi333

I'd really appreciate if you focused on the storyline and the prose.
Thanks.
  





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229 Reviews



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Reviews: 229
Fri Oct 18, 2013 4:34 pm
SushiSashimi333 says...



Okay, I'll be on that then ^_^ @Kobita
Sushi
  





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Mon Dec 02, 2013 10:02 am
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Emmzziee says...



Hola! Could you review this for me, please? It would be much appreciated.
... and the Water Whispers Words
It's a short narrative about - um. A girl who. Um. Can't write. Very well.
To be honest... I just need to know if it bores you. :? However, I would really love an honest, general review as well. I need a critique. Thank you.
I want to play a game.
  





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Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:18 pm
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TheShauzer says...



Hey guys, looking for a review on my newest and best :twisted: piece 'One night in London....'. Will do reviews in return, no bother. Hope ye like it :)
The Shauzer
Sometimes life throws lemons at you. Other times it throws rocks... Be grateful for the lemons!
  








Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind