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My Reviews are Golden.... (Lengthy reviews, Fiction ONLY)



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 2
Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:47 pm
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mnkeygrl11 says...



MY REVIEWS ARE GOLDEN


Heyo! I see that a lot of lovely people have decided to review things for people, so I figured that I'd give it a go, too! :) I am sorry to say that I have never officially done a review before, however, I've been writing for about four years now (some examples of my work are below), and I'm going to try to make my reviews at least five paragraphs long, so if you expect me to make my reviews short and sweet, I suggest that you get a review from someone else. Here are some genres that I'd love to critique and some other rules I have:


Genres


    Fiction only... I can not stress that enough.

    Short stories

    Novels

    Fan Fiction (Especially Harry Potter!) Other Fan Fictions may be accepted; please ask me first... I don't want to be reviewing a Fan Fiction if I haven't even watched/read any of the books/TV shows that it's about.

    Anything else: Please ask! Like I have stated above, this is my first review shop, so I'm not quite sure what all you amazing duckies (that's right, I just called you a duck) write about.... If it catches my interest, I'll review it. It's as simple as that.

Rules:


[*]First off: Please, please, please... Abide by these rules. It's kind of annoying when people don't follow them, especially when I take the time to write them out.
[*]Give me at least THREE days to review your work before you start asking me why it's not done. Not one, not two... Three.
[*]Let it be said that I try to give constructive critisism: if you want me to help you make your piece better, I need to say the good stuff about your writing, and the bad stuff, too. So, please don't complain to me if I happen to say that you need to work on one or two things. I try to say good things, too.



EXAMPLES:


http://mnkeygrl11.writerfeedpad.com/2

Spoiler! :
Don't Open this until your ready, Alexa.




Those seven words were written in sharpie across my sister's leather bound diary, the same one she had gotten at the Renaissance Fair two years before her death. The diary was clamped shut with a golden lock that sparkled in the sun, which was why I had no problem noticing the large book that lay on my wooden desk. Around my neck was a key---the only key that allowed my sister's diary to be opened, the only key that would allow my sister's secrets to be exposed to everyone who wished to read it.




My face suddenly turned pale, and I unclasped the key necklace that was around my neck. I turned it over onto my palm once, and I noticed that my sister's initials were etched into the back---N. L. E.---Noelle Lauren Edwards. My hands started to shake as I coiled the necklace into a spiral and duck taped it to the front cover. I sighed.




“Don't you see, Noelle,” I whispered, almost as if Noelle was actually in the room with me. “I'll never be ready! You committed suicide, and I'm just left here, picking up the pieces you left.” Tears started to fall down my cheeks as I spoke, and I opened my bedroom window. Almost as if in slow motion, I let Noelle's diary fall onto the street below, and I started to cry even harder.




Suddenly, there was a light knock at my bedroom door. “Alexandra?”




It was my mother. I unlocked my door and let her come in. “What did I tell you about locking your door,” my mother asked. “What if something had happened and I wasn't here? What if your sister had needed something?”




“Oh. Where is she?” I had almost expected the seven-year-old to be hiding behind my mother, but she was no where to be found. She sighed. “She's at the Frese's---playing with Sasha. I had forgotten that we're supposed to be at the funeral home at two, so hurry up, OK?”




“Fine,” I said reluctantly, grabbing my coat and putting it on. My mother watched me carefully as I put on my favorite pair of purple converse, and she only moved once to allow me to exit my bedroom.




I walked outside and into the cool, autumn air. The Frese's only lived across the street, but even still I was chilled to the bone by the time I had arrived at their front step. I rang the door bell twice, and to my luck, Julian had answered the door, and not Ms. Frese. In my opinion, his mom was a bit mean and judgmental, and I didn't exactly need to hear what she had to say about Noelle's suicide.


Spoiler! :
Allanah awoke early that morning to the sound of high-pitched laughter only a few feet from where she slept. It had been a chaotic night; a group of four mysterious beings dressed in all black had been chasing them for three hours straight---each equipped with a hand gun. It was a miracle that any of them were alive, let alone laughing with the danger that they seemed to be facing every night. Not to mention that they had been forced to sleep on the hard ground because there hadn't been a shopping mall seen for miles that night, which she hadn't been forced to do in weeks. She groaned as she tried to sit up, but she couldn't, her back hurt so much.

"Good morning. I see the assassins have failed again," she said to no one in particular, still lying on the ground in a fetal position.

Her sister suddenly appeared at her feet. "I sense that you need help getting up, am I right," she asked, extending her arm outward so that Allanah could pull herself up with it. Two other pairs of shoes appeared next to her twin's purple converse---Ian's hiking boots and Allie's yellow rainboots that she had stolen from Walmart only three days previously. With much help, Allanah was now standing upright, glaring at all three of them. "Well," she demanded. "What do you have to say for yourselves? We were just attacked last night, and all of you were laughing? Laughing? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Don't tell me that you all were strategizing because I very well know--"

"Just chill, Allanah," Ian interrupted. "We can't all be strategizing twenty-four-seven, I mean you were just asleep, you can't honestly be telling me to strategize right now." That was a bad move on his part. Her body shook with anger, and her eyes narrowed. "How Dare... You tell me... What to do..." she said through gritted teeth, and that was when she transformed into a jaguar, its coat a golden color with black spots with dark brown eyes---the exact same color of eyes she had as a human. Suddenly, Ian calmly transformed as well, only as a lizard, rather than a jaguar. Allanah growled as Ian scurried towards a nearby rock, but then changed back into a human immediately. "Smart ass," she said as Ian transformed back into a human.

Allanah suddenly noticed a bag of potato chips in Allie's grasp. She took it from her and smiled, then poured the rest of the content into her mouth. Allie looked crestfallen. "That was our last bag of chips," she exclaimed. "I called it yesterday!" Allanah laughed. "Sorry, Honey, I almost forgot. Here, you can have the rest." She handed the empty bag to Allie, whom refused to take it. She then threw the bag to the ground.

"So, as Ian so cleverly mentioned, we apparently all need to get together and think of a new strategy to keep ourselves alive. Any ideas?"
  





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12 Reviews



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Points: 640
Reviews: 12
Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:00 pm
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pahoem says...



work.php?id=98505

Is that all you need to review? That is the prologue to my novel, feel free to check out the other following chapters if you get time :D thanks a lot!
  





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Points: 3817
Reviews: 86
Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:01 am
Questio says...



work.php?id=99493

please reveiew part one of my two part story Titanus. also, read my own comment afterwards, as it explains some of my screw-ups.
  





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Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:14 am
ikiru says...



work.php?id=99525

Thanks! I will review one of yours too if you PM me!
--Iki
  





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80 Reviews



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Points: 333
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Fri Mar 15, 2013 4:39 pm
polinkacreations says...



work.php?id=100315
Thanks a lot in advance! :) And enjoy!
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
  





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Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:35 pm
abelgaiya says...



Here's an excerpt from my supernatural/sci-fi novel 'The Journals of Maynard Ray'. This one's titled 'Dream Casters':

work.php?id=100347
Stretching your thoughts beyond logical purview is called imagination. Stretching your thoughts beyond illogical purview is called insanity. I aim for insanity. - Abel Gaiya
  





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54 Reviews



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Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:02 am
housecat says...



I would appreciate if a review so much! This is a fictional shorty story.

work.php?id=100736
  








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