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Young Writers Society


Jack's Critique Emporium [BACK IN BUSINESS]



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Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:30 pm
Firestarter says...



@WritingWolf Done!
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Tue Feb 24, 2015 3:49 am
mephistophelesangel says...



Hey! Would you mind taking a look at my short story? It's realistic fiction, and doesn't really involve teenagers. No magic, or sci-fi, sorry :( I'm hoping you'll like it decently.

The Parasite of Summer
  





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Tue Feb 24, 2015 7:03 pm
Firestarter says...



@mephistophelesangel Done!
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Mon Mar 02, 2015 5:34 pm
Twit says...



A Magpie Witching - 1

First chapter. It's pretty much fantasy, but heavily inspired by the whole Henry VIII shazam.
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this."


#TNT
  





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Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:11 pm
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Firestarter says...



Apologies, Twit, a busy few days! I will try and get a review up this week at some point.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Mon Mar 16, 2015 7:37 am
Dracula says...



Please review this!

Boy Who Cried Wolf

It's about a pack of wolves who are very, very hungry. Fantastic Fantasy, I suppose.
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. I got depressed because I thought Damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.
-Demetri Martin
  





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Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:41 pm
Firestarter says...



Both done!
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:36 pm
Pompadour says...



twenty fourteen syllables: a history in fragments

^'Tis a poem; feel free to rip.

Thanks!
How to format poetry on YWS

this sky where we live is no place to lose your wings
  





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Thu Mar 19, 2015 3:48 am
Monsters says...



Why They Left EachOther(#1)

Dramatic, Poetry

Was trying out a rhyme scheme after a couple years of (religiously) not using one . Would like to know how it's received by an experienced reviewer.

DESCRIPTION:
A love story of deciete and lies - I know it sounds bad but I spent a lot of time on the delivery in the past. First write was 6 pages then cut to 5, then 3 and rewritten 3 years later with under a page. The last rewrite added some original parts, some major structural changes, and made it coherent. It cut alot of the teenage problem stuff- the dead weight- but you'll find some more in there. I wrote the new write in a day but I made sure there were no major flaws according to me so now I need input.

If you could tell me quickly in the review if at any time the rhyme scheme seems forced it would help.

P.S.
2nd/third write up of it is here; Vent <<< PLEASE DON'T REVIEW THAT LINK but you can use it as a reference.

I'll owe you one,
Monsters
  





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Thu Mar 19, 2015 4:08 am
beans says...



Firestarter wrote:Welcome! I offer critiques of all shapes and sizes for incredibly cheap prices. Payment is mostly taken in the form of love and attention, with points donation a voluntary option if you particularly enjoy a critique.

Things I Enjoy Critiquing (and thus probably significantly better at doing so)

Historical Fiction
Inventive, original poetry
Thrilling Stories
Fantastic Fantasy
Stories that don't involve teenagers
Science-Fiction

Things I Don't Mind Critiquing

Any Fiction
Any Poetry

Things I Can't Critique Well, or Just Don't Want To

Romantic Fiction
Scripts
Lyrics
Art
Angsty/Hormonal Writing
Non-Fiction (UNLESS it's to do with history, in which case I'll probably be all over it)
Fanfiction (there can be exceptions)
Very Long Stories (split it up!)

What I Offer

I like to think eight years on YWS has given me some sort of reviewing skills. I have a good eye for grammar, sentence structures, poetical devices, language/diction, realism, and so forth. If you want me to comment on something specific, just let me know. I only comment on characters and plots if I think they're particularly unlikely/bad, but if you need help with this, point me in the right direction. I've been a struggling poet for a few years now, so if you're a new poet or in a similar situation, I think I can empathise and assist.

What To Do In This Thread

1. Link me. URL required.

2. Give me the title and where it's at: Dramatic Poetry, Fantasy Fiction, or whatever.

3. A short description so I know what it's about would be nice.

What I'll Do

I'll aim to finish the critique within three days. If you have a deadline and you require it quicker, tell me. Otherwise, I'm pretty lazy, and sometimes busy, so I won't necessarily do it quickly. If I miss this thread, or forget, you can lightly nudge me via PM after three days have gone.

I work in exclusively chronological order. The only exceptions are if I don't like you, or if your post doesn't fit the guidelines above, or if I really want to critique something else instead first. Otherwise, first come, first served.



We're open for business!


Hey, listen buddy. You scratch my back, I scratch yours, see? There's dis horrible 1940's themed sci-fi story gumming up the works, it's called "Attention" or somethin'. I dunno. Some "young adult" trash. What say you go in there and you rough it up good, yeah? I mean really get in there, rearrange it's face. You can start with 'dis chapta, or you can go through and do the whole thing, don't matta ta me. Mostly concerned with internal consistency than grammar, 'cuz grammar is easily fixable.

Ascension Chapter 9- The Red Bird
  





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Mon Mar 30, 2015 2:43 pm
LadySpark says...



don't break hearts, break minds

I think I put it under dramatic poetry? I usually do so we'll go with that.

Basically a poem where the narrator is watching someone they love fall apart because that person is in love with someone who can't love them back. Very midsummeresque. It's almost comforting, because the narrator is telling the person 'it's okay, I'm sorry, I know it hurts'. <3333 please and thank you, my darling!!
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Wed Apr 01, 2015 8:52 pm
inkedblood says...



Hey! I wrote this poem: Bus Ride Home
which is under General Poetry, can you review it for me please?

This poem basically evolves around the routine of the speaker taking a bus ride home. It depicts the speaker as an observer who is supposed to see certain things but her low self esteem disables her from seeing what she claims other people see. This poem portrays the view of the world from the perspective of this girl.
  





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Wed Apr 01, 2015 9:26 pm
Firestarter says...



Sorry all for the backlog. Hopefully will get around to these at some point in the next two weeks.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:33 am
Laurenh6 says...



Hey there! Is there any chance you could review

Watching

I would really appreciate some feedback .. I have no reviews xD ... Thank you :)
  








As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee