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Jack's Critique Emporium [BACK IN BUSINESS]



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Sun Dec 28, 2008 10:04 pm
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Firestarter says...



Welcome! I offer critiques of all shapes and sizes for incredibly cheap prices. Payment is mostly taken in the form of love and attention, with points donation a voluntary option if you particularly enjoy a critique.

Things I Enjoy Critiquing (and thus probably significantly better at doing so)

Historical Fiction
Inventive, original poetry
Thrilling Stories
Fantastic Fantasy
Stories that don't involve teenagers
Science-Fiction

Things I Don't Mind Critiquing

Any Fiction
Any Poetry

Things I Can't Critique Well, or Just Don't Want To

Romantic Fiction
Scripts
Lyrics
Art
Angsty/Hormonal Writing
Non-Fiction (UNLESS it's to do with history, in which case I'll probably be all over it)
Fanfiction (there can be exceptions)
Very Long Stories (split it up!)

What I Offer

I like to think eight years on YWS has given me some sort of reviewing skills. I have a good eye for grammar, sentence structures, poetical devices, language/diction, realism, and so forth. If you want me to comment on something specific, just let me know. I only comment on characters and plots if I think they're particularly unlikely/bad, but if you need help with this, point me in the right direction. I've been a struggling poet for a few years now, so if you're a new poet or in a similar situation, I think I can empathise and assist.

What To Do In This Thread

1. Link me. URL required.

2. Give me the title and where it's at: Dramatic Poetry, Fantasy Fiction, or whatever.

3. A short description so I know what it's about would be nice.

What I'll Do

I'll aim to finish the critique within three days. If you have a deadline and you require it quicker, tell me. Otherwise, I'm pretty lazy, and sometimes busy, so I won't necessarily do it quickly. If I miss this thread, or forget, you can lightly nudge me via PM after three days have gone.

I work in exclusively chronological order. The only exceptions are if I don't like you, or if your post doesn't fit the guidelines above, or if I really want to critique something else instead first. Otherwise, first come, first served.



We're open for business!
Last edited by Firestarter on Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:26 am, edited 9 times in total.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:32 am
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Rydia says...



I'd love a review on the first part of 'The Ghost Writer' which is in other fiction, here's the link:

topic35167.html

It's a hybrid novel and also my NaNo. The main genre is satire coupled with romance and historical fiction but there's none of the latter two until later sections. The plot centers around Dee, a struggling writer with some rather suspect methods of gaining her inspiration and a dark and terrible secret ;) I say secret but it's only you readers who don't know. All the other characters do ^^

Thank you!
Writing Gooder

~Previously Kitty15~

<YWS> Go Gargoyles!

I love Iggy!
  





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Mon Dec 29, 2008 1:48 pm
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Jiggity says...



Jack! Awesome to see you making a comeback :p

I would very much like your help on a poem I did -- poetry isn't my strong suit -- it's entitled Clouds.02. I'm writing it for Kylan's City of Poetry contest, for which you're meant to come up with five poems about your city. I've taken a rather abstract approach to the idea by doing five pieces from five different perspectives that will, hopefully, tie in together to present a collective sense of consciousness....

or something. XD

topic40764.html

You don't have to read the first, that was fairly well covered, I think. This one has been rather ignored, though. Cheers!
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko
  





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Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:45 am
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Angels-Symphony says...



PLEASE review my story. It's titled Angel's Symphony and I started it in october. Because of my newbieness I cannot post all the chapters, nor can I post each chapter individually. I hope you find no diffifculites in reviewing.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
  





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Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:46 am
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Angels-Symphony says...



topic40958.html
Sorry ^^ I forgot to add the link
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
  





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Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:02 pm
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Firestarter says...



All done. Anyone else?
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:08 pm
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Jiggity says...



You forgot to add Jab's 'Magic Flute' to those completed, no? You are made of win, Jack! This is an official thanks for the speedy review. I have another piece on here but its one of those no-no's listed above, in terms of length.

Now its time for you to put something up so I can return the favour XD.

Cheers.
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko
  





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Tue Dec 30, 2008 8:14 pm
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Angels-Symphony says...



I sent you a message that corresponds with this second chance review request. I found your review helpful, but I'd like a another chance in gaining my readers interests. This is a quick glimpse of the future, maybe you'd find this piece more pleasing to your interests. I will not stop until I have satisfied the reviewers.

topic40957.html

^^ Persistent as ever
Shina
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
  





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Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:06 am
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LoveableLittleSock says...



Hey Firestarter!
This piece is in the "Romantic Fiction" section, yet it's only the first chapter and really contains no romance as of yet. This is the link:

post478413.html?highlight=#478413

The story is about a girl who's blind, and it's in the first person narrative. The story is really all explained in the link... which is in the link... you'll know what I mean when you get there =] Thanks so much! Can't wait for your critique.
Got YWS?
  





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Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:33 pm
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Firestarter says...



Done, LLS.

angels, since I've already reviewed quite a long part of your story, and it's Romantic Fiction (something I noted I dislike reading), I don't think I'll be doing this anytime sorry. Apologies. I'm sure there are many other willing reviewers around.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Mon Jan 05, 2009 1:33 am
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Sureal says...



Alrighty, Jack. ^_^

I’m a little hesitant to post this, mainly because it involves a teenager, and you said you enjoying critiquing things that do not involve teenagers, but as the teenager in question isn’t a meaty bag of angst and hormones, I’m thinking maybe you will not not enjoy it quite so much. Or something. I’m not entirely sure what I mean, actually.

Anyway.

It is Chapter One of The Broken, and can be found in the Fantasy Fiction forum.

In URL form, the story can be expressed as: topic35765.html

The chapter deals with the main character, Leo, suddenly realising that he’s in a forest, and his natural urge is to get away from said forest and back to his house. Of course, it’s a fantasy story, so it’s not a simple matter of getting up and walking home.

The novel as a whole is to do with an alternate world, and a handful of ill-fated teenagers (the ‘Broken’) who have found themselves in it, all of whom end up being recruited by different countries for military and political gain.

If you decide it’s not your sort of thing and don’t wanna write a review, then don't worry about it. ^_^
I wrote the above just for you.
  





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Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:02 am
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Firestarter says...



No need for the hesitancy! I was glad to read something by you, and I think I might read and critique the rest of the chapters just because I enjoyed it so much.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:49 pm
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Maki-Chan says...



well I really need my third chapter to be reviewed. Its not really important to know what "Silent Hill" is, even though its a fanfiction. All you need to know is that "Silent Hill" is a town that people's worst fears take shape.

topic40923.html

If you need to know what is happening Beth is looking for her missing sister. Right now she is currently in Silent Hill, with Sera. Sera is a really nice person who wants to help Beth, however Beth hates Sera.

prologue- Beth has a dream that her sister disappears, and it comes true

ch1- 4 years later Beth (18 years old) thinks about the past, and how no one really looked for her sister (Alex). Sera makes her appearance. Its highschool graduation day, and Beth leaves her hometown (Ashfield) and heads to Silent hill to find her sister. (Since she got a note in Alex's handwriting saying "Silent Hill").

ch2- Beth's car brakes down, and she has a strange dream. After she wakes up, Beth hitchhikes, and surprisingly Sera appears and offers her a ride. When they are driving Beth falls asleep, and has a nightmare.

ch3- topic40923.html

please review it *Begs*
check out my deviantart account ^_^
http://maki121.deviantart.com/
  





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Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:34 am
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Adnamarine says...



I'm kind of nervous about giving you this, to be honest. But for all things poetry, you are my final authority, so if I want to get the best advicem what other choice do I have? :wink: I'm not sure whether it falls under the category of "inventive and original" as you would define it, but I guess we'll see. :D My thanks in advance

post483598.html?highlight=#483598
"Half the time the poem writes me." ~Meshugenah
  





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Thu Jan 08, 2009 6:15 pm
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Firestarter says...



Both done!

The queue is free. Who wants a review?
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  








You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.
— Shinji Moon