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Young Writers Society


Lauren's Half-Price Novel Barn



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541 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 370
Reviews: 541
Fri May 18, 2018 3:30 am
Lauren2010 says...



I'm looking for things to review! Specifically, I'm looking to flex my prose and novel muscles, so at the moment I am only accepting requests for novels.

Current Specials:
Chapter-by-Chapter Reviews
If you're regularly posting a novel on YWS, whether for LMS or just because that's how you roll, I'll follow along and review every chapter as you post it. My preference stands for novels that have 5 or fewer chapters posted on YWS already, but I'm open to discussing this if you've got something really compelling.

Full Manuscript Reviews
You'll send me a file containing your entire novel, and I'll read and give feedback on the whole thing. I am not the speediest, because I have a full time job, animals, a partner, and my own novel but I will do my darnedest to finish in 3 months or less.

Mentorship
I have my Master of Fine Arts in fiction writing, have trained to teach creative writing, and have completed more drafts of novels than I care to think about. I will coach you through finishing a current draft of your novel (doesn't even have to be the first draft!) and be your stalwart companion as you push through the trials and tribulations of writing a book. If you're posting your novel on YWS, I will review chapters as you post them. If you're not posting your novel on YWS, I will give feedback per 10,000 words written. I can't be in constant communication with you about your work, but I will thoughtfully respond to any of your messages within 48 hours of receiving them.

My Critique Philosophy:
I believe in approaching someone's work with absolute optimism and enthusiasm. I won't ever tell you that your ideas are bad, but will do my best to help you shape the story you want to write into the best version of itself. I'm a big picture kind of gal, and won't comment on your grammar unless it's really hard to read. I will rarely ask you to change things, but rather ask questions about what confuses me or about decisions you've made so that I can better understand the story you're trying to write. I'll make over-excited suggestions about things I think would be awesome in your story, but I will never be upset if you tell me my ideas aren't right for your story.

What I'll Read:
I'll read almost anything, to be perfectly honest. However, I am not the right fit for you if your novel contains:
--Violence against women, including but not limited to rape and sexual assault
--Anti-LGBT themes (I am bisexual, and have trans family members!)
--Overtly christian themes (I am atheist!)
--Anti-mental illness themes (I have anxiety!)
--In general, if your novel perpetuates the discrimination of any minority group (people of color, folks with disabilities, immigrants, etc) then I am not the right reviewer for you.

I reserve the right to decline your novel based on factors not described above. I want to do justice to you and your work, and if for any reason I don't feel that I can be genuinely optimistic and enthusiastic about your work I will (privately, and politely) turn you down.

Open Slots:

Chapter by Chapter Reviews
Slot One - Sonder
Slot Two - fortis
Slot Three - Thundahguy

Full Manuscript Review
Slot One - TEMPORARILY CLOSED

Mentorship
Slot One - BlueAfrica


**If either the full manuscript review or mentorship slot remains open for a significant period of time, I will consider a second request for either a full manuscript review or mentorship.

How to Request:
Respond to this thread with the following information:
1. Name of your novel
2. Genre of your novel
3. Brief (1-4 sentences) description of what your novel is about
4. Which service you're wanting
5. a.If you're requesting chapter-by-chapter reviews, link the first chapter and tell me how many chapters are currently posted on YWS.

b.If you're requesting a full manuscript review, tell me the total word count of your novel. I will PM you about how to best send me your manuscript.

c.If you're requesting mentorship, please tell me how much of your novel you currently have written. I will PM you to discuss how to best get started.

In all cases, if you fall out of communication and/or stop posting/writing your novel for 2 months or more I will drop you off my list. You may re-request any open slots when you return to actively writing.

I'm excited to read your work!
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Fri May 18, 2018 11:52 am
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BluesClues says...



OH DANG WOW

My preference stands for novels that have 5 or fewer chapters posted on YWS already, but I'm open to discussing this if you've got something really compelling.


Heh heh heh.

However, if you're interested, I would probably benefit most from a mentorship at this point. I wouldn't mind a full-manuscript critique, but there are things I know I could fix before taking on beta readers, so I'd rather hold off on that.

SO.

Title: The Chosen Grandma, or "The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher," which I use when I'm feeling fancy/in need of a real title.

Genre: Contemporary fantasy.

Brief description of your novel: Eighty-three-year-old Edna Fisher leaves the nursing home when she learns that she's the Chosen One, destined to defeat dragon-riding sorcerer Redway. There's humor, emotions, diversity, dragons, and knitting.

Which service you're wanting: Mentorship, please! The novel is currently 96,000 words and incomplete (yikes, I know), although a) I'm starting to close in on the climaxy bits and b) I know there's a lot of slow pacing I can cut drastically or entirely.

Obviously I'm posting on YWS but...there are many chapters already posted, so I don't know if you'd rather review those to get the points or just do the per-10k words thing. If you decide to take me on, I'm up for whichever you prefer.

Additionally: I feel like my main issues rn are
Spoiler! :
- stakes not high enough, soon enough or possibly at all (probably bc I write reactive MCs who don't Do the Thing until something pushes them out of their comfort zone, but I like writing Reluctant Heroes à la Bilbo Baggins. I always used to wish for something that would force me to Do the Thing).
- antagonist not scary enough (probably bc we get a chapter from his POV to sympathize with him but haven't actually run into him/seen him do anything yet. Everything's all hearsay so far and even that POV chapter is pretty far in).
- still feels like my plot kind of wanders around everywhere with the characters. But to be fair I always feel that way. This is a lot more solid than usual, but I'm used to sucking at plot so I still feel that way. It also probably stems from the fact that we haven't actually seen the antagonist do anything yet??? man I should probably fix that


So uhhh yes hopefully you're interested, but if not then this will be my First Rejection and I can celebrate!
  





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541 Reviews



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Sat May 19, 2018 3:49 pm
Lauren2010 says...



@BlueAfrica I'll PM you!
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Thu Jun 21, 2018 12:50 am
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Sonder says...



HELLO YES I am very anxious to request this because I'm pretty self-conscious about everything I write but I think this would be really helpful. I thrive off of optimistic question-answer feedback so I hope we could be a good match!

Title: Hero For Hire
Genre: Action, Superheroes
Brief description: Being a super villain isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Quinn Scott* soon realizes that superpowers do not guarantee protection, and as he begins to uncover dark secrets that The Program* would rather remain hidden, Quinn finds himself in more danger than ever before. Completely lost on the topic of saving the day, he turns to a superhero and her stunt double, a vigilante girl with anger management issues, and his socially awkward roommate to help him.
*names still subject to change
Also, I'm sorry: I really struggle with short descriptions, especially because this is still a very new project. Let me know if you'd like additional details to convince you? Haha. :)
Requested Service: Chapter by Chapter
Since this is for LMS, I have no chapters posted yet. I've been planning non-stop, but I have yet to get very organized and post into my thread. I'm working on a more extensive plot outline now and hope to get that up very soon. Here's the link for it, even so. Hero For Hire

Thank you so much!
"This world is but a canvas to our imagination."
~Thoreau
  





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Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:23 am
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Lauren2010 says...



Ahhhh @Sonder!! You got it! I'd be beyond pleased to follow along and review your novel.

All I'll ask from you is to tag me or otherwise let me know when you post new chapters! I'll read and review as long as you keep posting. :)
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Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:37 am
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Rook says...



Ooh! I'm always worried that my chapters will hang around for a long time in the Green Room, so if my book sounds interesting to you, I'd love getting reviews for each chapter! (It's a LMS book, so no chapters posted yet!)

Title: Connection (I'm really trying hard to think of a different one before LMS starts though!!)
Genre: Cyberpunk/Sci-fi, Mystery(ish)

I do want to make a quick note before my description, there is technically violence against women? But it's not like... because they're women or anything. It's violence equivalent to action-movie ish stuff and murder mystery stuff (someone has to get murdered!), but no sexual assault or rape or anything!

Description: After 250 million years in stasis, humanity has constructed an underground city to escape the ravaged and radioactive surface of the Earth. Identical triplets Everen, Shandi, and Kerra can telepathically share thoughts and emotions with each other even when they're far away, and because of this, Everen has been sent away to act as a human walkie-talkie for Earth's first permanent colonization expedition.
Things begin to fall apart when the sisters' mother is murdered with no trace of a killer or motive. Can Kerra find the killer before the trail goes cold?
Connection will wrap time travel, space travel, murder mystery, cyborgs, aliens, and the realm of the dead into one work.

(Sorry I have trouble with short descriptions too!)

Clearly, if you're not a fan of sci-fi stuff, this isn't the book for you, and I'm fine with that! Here's my planning thread if you're interested Connection (Working title cuz that's boooring)
Instead, he said, Brother! I know your hunger.
To this, the Wolf answered, Lo!

-Elena Passarello, Animals Strike Curious Poses
  





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Reviews: 254
Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:37 am
Sonder says...



Ah thank you so much! Looking forward to it! :D
"This world is but a canvas to our imagination."
~Thoreau
  





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Thu Jun 21, 2018 2:18 am
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deleted221222 says...



You know what, sure. It's the second draft and a professional opinion will probably help.

Title: A Merry Band of Monsters

Genre: Fantasy Comedy

Brief description of your novel: Gallant Hightower, a zombie, Vegemite Althazar, a lich, and Grace, a dragon, form an adventuring party with the goal of killing the current chosen one, Cho Senone, who has become the king of Asteria. While looking for a possible weakness, they meet an orphaned child named Aria. When they find out she's the lovechild of the former demon king, and therefore possesses an insurmountable amount of magical power, the monsters take her on as a fourth member in an attempt to use her as a weapon of mass destruction.

Which service you're wanting: Chapter by Chapter

First Chapter: A Merry Band of Monsters [V2] - Chapter 1.1

I have about 4-5 chapters up (based on if you do it by post or by chapter specifically). Most likely the worst offender you'll see in my writing is my lack of description. I like to put a lot of it at the front of a chapter before switching to the characters' POV. I won't add anything about sexual assault, overtly christian themes, or the persecution of unwell people (physically or mentally). I think I have one LGBT joke, but it's more of a comment on the movement instead of the people. Other than that, I believe that's it. I hope you take a look at it.
  





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Thu Jun 21, 2018 3:57 am
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Lauren2010 says...



@fortis oh man this sounds great! You're on. I'm perfectly fine with violence in fiction, even violence involving women, so it shouldn't be a problem! I'd just rather not read about sexual assault.

Same to you as to Sonder, please give me a heads up when you post new chapters/sections on YWS!

@Thundahguy what is it with all this magnificent storytelling talent on YWS? Your novel also sounds fantastic, I'd love to follow it.

Since you're already posting, I'll be sure to jump on the first chapter as soon as possible! I am about to head out of town for two weeks, so I might be a bit slow to get to it at first, but I'm really excited! Please do keep me updated as you post new chapters.
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