Young Writers Society

Why Hello There!
Welcome to my review thread! If you want me to review your work please keep reading. Please make sure to read the rules thoroughly, because I hate to repeat myself.

Rules
If you want one of my reviews all you have to do is review one of my work. It's a fair exchange
1.) Don't ask me to review more than one thing (Ex. Can you review my novel? No but I'll review the first chapter and see from there)
2.) Make sure you fill out the form
3.) Let me know when you get my review by commenting on it
4.) No fanfictions
5.) I'll probably won't been too keen on reviewing something longer than 3,000 words.
6.) Give me the specific word count
7.) If you want me to review something please don't ask me on chat. I'm really forgetful and using the thread makes it so much easier for me to not forget your work.
8.) Make sure your link works. I will not review it if your link does not work. Ain't nobody got time for that xD

Form

Code: Select all

[b]Type of Work (Poetry/Novel/Short):[/b]
[b]Genre:[/b]
[b]Rating:[/b]
[b]Title:[/b]
[b]Link:[/b]
[b]One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about:[/b]
[b]Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels):[/b]
[b]Word Count:[/b]
[b]Deadline:[/b]
[b]What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional):[/b]


Now ask away!!!~

Type of Work: Fiction/fantasy/romance/action...
Title: Inner Beauty (which might be changed later).
Link: Inner Beauty - Chapter 1.1
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about: A medieval princess soon to find chaos.
Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels): A princess named Rachael who lives in the castle of Vindel. (I can't give more because then it'll give away the mystery.
Word Count: I don't know no longer than 500 I assure you.
Deadline: Soon
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): Anything that will make it better.

Thanks in advance!!!!

Hello Alice, I have a poem that needs reviewing.
It's called Why Do I Want What's Bad For Me
It's just kind of a sad... Conversation? I don't know. It is a sad poem with lines from conversations with someone. Yes, that's it.
Word count (1....17..83...130...) 223-ish.
I don't really have any specifics that I want you to focus on!


Why Do I Want What's Bad For Me

@Keepwriting Doney done done
work/Keepwriting/Inner-Beauty--Chapter-11-128487#c580740

@AutoPilot Done
work/AutoPilot/Why-Do-I-Want-Whats-Bad-For-Me-128587?c=580743#c580743

Type of Work: Mystery/Suspense, Action/Adventure
Title: Insufficient
Link: Insufficient - Prologue
Word Count: Not very long at all.
Deadline: Soon
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): Whether or not it's good enough for me to keep going with it. Pretty much anything but lengthening it.

Type of Work: Action/Supernatural/A bit of Horror?
Title: Dream-Hunters
Link: Dream-Hunters - Chapter Twenty-One
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about: The villain is trapped, or so the nightmares believe.
Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels): In the Dream-World, the minds of humanity create a nexus in which their fears and emotions dwell. The nightmares are the embodiments of said fear, terrorizing humanity until one family rose against them: the dramatic Oracles. John, a regular boy, is quickly sucked into their war against Phobos and his children of the night. Although, John might just be the most dangerous one there...
Word Count: 2721
Deadline: None. It's a large piece, so I understand if it's a bit daunting.
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): How're the characters? Also, did I go overboard with the descriptions?

@Keepwriting Done
work/Keepwriting/Insufficient--Prologue-128591#c580888

@Chaser Done!
work/Chaser/DreamHunters--Chapter-TwentyOne-128350#c580901

Type of Work: Crime/Action/YA [novel]
Rating: Probably 14+. Nothing too serious. [yet]
Title: 'Wolf and Aristocrat'. I'm looking to change it.
Link: thingy is here
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about: A rich brat fights with and is defeated by a strange feral boy, whom he proceeds to run away with.
Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels): A brat wakes up with a feral-looking human in his room. They fight, the stray wins, and demands food and medical care. They talk, and the brat's curiosity, wonderlust, and need for adventure are totally enthralled and he decides to run away with the silent weirdo who looks like a girl.
That's what happened in Chapter One.
Word Count: 1358.
Deadline: Whenever.
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): The characters, and the setting of the scene, as well the general technicalities of the writing.

Thanks

-AnarcyWolf

Type of Work: Action/Supernatural
Rating: 12 for violence.
Title: Dream-Hunters - Chapter Eleven
Link: Enjoy!
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about: Chaser attempts homicide, regicide, and patricide with one target.
Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels): See above summary.
Word Count: 1850
Deadline: Sometime.
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): The dialogue and descriptions, mostly.

Type of Work:Sci Fi Novel
Rating:16+ for language and violence, none of that is in the first chapter but yeah, the novel as a whole.
Title:Star Shade, Chapter 1: Oblivion On The Horizon
Link:https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=127732
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about:A young man caught up in someone else's war, his journey to make things right, to fix the broken galaxy.
Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels):
The story begins with the main character, Garett, on his adopted homeworld of Yujar. Throughout the first chapter we're introduced to his routine, himself and his surroundings, all the while a disaster is foreshadowed, one that will propel Garett into a future he could never have forseen.
Word Count: 3388
Deadline:Whenever, I'm patient and this book won't be done anytime soon, but if you need a deadline I would say late 2017.
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): I would say on the build up of the story, the development of the characters and the overall interest the introduction generates.

Type of Work: Romantic/dramatic
Title:The two lovers under te tamarind tree...
Link: The two lovers under the tamarind tree...
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about: True love always wins, and nothing can separate them.
Word Count: Quite long... but less than 3000 I guess.
Deadline: As soon as possible
What you want me to focus on in the review: The new style in which I have written this. I mean, is it good? I wanna have my own unique style of writing. If you as a reader like it, I will like it, I will chnage more of the words. So, what d' ya think about it? Shuld I continue...or should I abandon this style? And also tell me about the dialogues and the theme.

I'll do your reviews as soon as possible! I've been really busy with school and have been having some problems in my personal life. I'm reviewing @Pernicus 's work at the moment.

Type of Work: Novel
Genre: Historical Fiction..
Rating: Maybe 12+, but it really depends on the maturity of the reader. It deals with World War II events.
Title: "Safety" (I plan on changing it actually)
Link: Safety: Prologue and Chapter 1
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts): My story explores the injustices and hardships [young] Jews faced during World War II.
Long Summary/Synopsis: Ester Capelle lives in Leipzig, Germany during the start of Hitler's Nazi regime. At first, life is well and anti-semitism has only started to "blossom". Nothing can get worse, right? Wrong. The racist ideology slandered against the Jews soon reaches boiling point, and Ester will have to escape to America alone. How will she cope, and better yet, will the family she left behind survive?
Word Count: Maybe around 2,000.
Deadline: Whenever you can, but I would really appreciate it if you would review this very soon.
What you want me to focus on in the review: The storyline, and maybe grammar.

Thanks in advance, and have a wonderful day!

Type of Work (Poetry/Novel/Short): Novel
Genre: General
Rating: Everyone
Title: The Terrible Youth of Freznel
Link:https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/Eros/The-Terrible-Youth-of-Freznel-128862
One Sentence Summary (novels and shorts)/What your poem is about:This chapter describes Freznel and her startling art
Long Summary/Synopsis (You only need to do this for shorts and novels): This is the very first chapter of the novel. The title of the novel is "The terrible youth of Freznel" and the title of the first chapter is "Freznel and her startling art." The title of the chapter itself tells what it is about.
Word Count: 577 words-- its short.
Deadline: very soon because I wanna write nex chapter soon. xD
What you want me to focus on in the review (Optional): Your views on the chapter and the character of Freznel.

um hey im tyler just came up with idea for a book i called it runes to wonderland just like you to chech it out tell me wat you think of it plz and thnk you


Alex… where are you, you’re late… ALEX!!! Ahhh! Not again Alex mumbled under his breath. He took a deep breath and swung his legs to the side of the bed and planted his hands on his head slicking the side of his hair back. That dam dream he thought to himself. Ever sense his cousin went missing 20 years ago he’s had a terrible dream of a one eyed rabbit on this day impeticular the anniversary of when she went missing. He and his family always go to meet up with the rest of the family at the old log cabin where she went missing. He rubbed his eyes and walked over to his clock and checked the time. 4:00 am. Great he thought 4 hours tell they leave and he’s sure in hell not going back to bed he sat up and went to his computer and started typing his essay
4hrs later
“Alex were leaving” finally he thought to himself he grabbed his bag and ran down the stairs and out the front door.it was a long drive about 13 hours not including the hour we had to wait because of an accident. Finally we got there at about 1 in the morning the rest of the family was already here so we started of course the kids were already sleeping besides Mikey who was 6 months old in my sisters arms .it was a long night that I spent sitting in the corner with my book finally it all settled down at about 7 when most of the adults passed out drunk or exhausted the kids just starting to wake up. I stood up stretched hearing my bones slowly rumble I started toward the kitchen when a missile was launched at my head from the right I stopped just in time to see it wiss past my face I heard to snickering children on the other side of the wall and instantly knew who the attackers were… the twins ash and Cole. ash was older by a minute give or take so he always called the shots when it involved those to they are my least favorite cousins and that’s saying something Cole didn’t talk much but he did pull a lot of pranks and went with whatever ash says. I went around to come up behind them but it looked like Cole was already ahead of me and right as I stepped into the firing ranged I was instantly hit by a missile grabbed my chest and slowing sank to the ground making. gurgling noises and finally stopped with my eyes closed I waited for them to come up before I snatched both of em in head locks. They started stabbing me with daggers (toilet paper tubes) I released them and watched them stumble off down the hall. I stretched out and started walking for the door to get some fresh air then out of nowhere a little white rabbit jumped in front of the door it stared at me for a moment then darted for the back door. I don’t know what made me have the urge to follow it but I did and it was fast it shot up the side of the mountain and stopped at the very top as I climbed it started to get warmer and warmer I grabbed a branch hanging off the top and heaved myself up I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths and when I opened then it was as if I’ve been teleported to a new land I looked around and instead of seeing snow and a mountain top I seen a large vast dessert and it was hot I started back to the end of the cliff and realized it wasn’t there it had disappeared clenched my chest in pain and fell to the ground breathing heavily. I closed my eyes and slowly rose to my feet and started counting. This must be a dream I thought it has to be this is impossible. i opened my eyes and I was still here but now there was an old shack and a large rock to the right it. it was a little bigger than an out house and the door was boarded up it was really beat up. He looked at the rock and just barley caught a glimpse of a boot moving out of sight he started walking towards the rock then hesitated, if this person was hiding from him it was for a reason he could be dangerous. He thought it over and chose to slowly approach the rock on the opposite side. As he approached the rock he felt a quick breeze then it was gone he rounded the corner catching a quick look of the person then nearly fainting fell backwards screaming. It was a skeleton with meat left only on his right leg rats in the skull and chest and some nibbling the leg making it move. in the man’s … what used to be a hand was a note. He looked at it and stood up and shook his head and started pacing back and forth talking to himself. “No I can’t it’s disgusting… but it could have a way home… no. it would be disrespecting the dead… ugh!!! Okay just grab it Alex” he slowing moved to the other side of the body trying not to disturb the rats. He slowly reached for the for the note at that moment the head swung to the right looking right at him he screamed again and stumbled back the skull spoke and said beware the rabbit hole and miracle dissipated into dust as did the rats all that was left was the note.
Entrance to wonderland
Oh my god that did not just happen. Alex turned around clenching his stomach about to see what he had for dinner. he turned back around to see nothing but the note he looked around and still seeing nothing but dessert. He started slowly walking toward the note with caution. He picked it up it was brittle and burned but all the words were still readable. It said “follow the dog”-Alice … what. No this is just a sick joke he thought. This can’t be real… can it? In his state of confusion he failed to see the dog sneaking up behind him… all of the sudden the beast pounced on him growling he clenched his eyes and covered his face he stayed that way for minutes after the dog even stopped growling with the dog still on him he slowly put his arms down and open his eyes to see a dog (black and white husky mix) sitting on him with his head slightly in a confused way. He slowly sat up the dog watching his every move. The dog slowing approached him sniffed then jumped back which startled Alex. He got into a playful stance waiting for a motion. Alex put his hand down to propel himself back up and put his hand on something slimy he looked down and seen a tennis ball. All of the sudden the dog when wild jumping around He took his hand off the ball and the dog started whining. He picked the ball up with his 3 finger and shook it and once again the dog went wild. He pointed off into the distance and said “fetch” and hurled the ball as far as he could the dog watched the ball sail then walked right up to Alex. Alex slowly knelt and let the dog sniff his hand when it was done it nudge his hand onto its head motioning for him to pet it. He sat there for a while with the dog rereading the note wondering what was going on. It was getting dark. He stood up stretched and decided to look at the rock again as soon as he started walking towards it the dog jumped in front of him and started growling viciously. Alex stumbled back confused at the sudden change the dog barked then walked towards the shack. Alex looked at the note again. “Follow the dog” he said to himself he looked back up just in time to see the dog disappear under one of the boards across the door. He jogged over to the shack and peered inside all he could see was darkest. He started to tug on the boards until he realized it was bordered up from the other side. Odd he thought I quickly circled the structure seeing the 2 windows all so bordered up from the other side. He went back to the door and gave it a swift kick. Not much of an impact. He tried again a bit harder. This time his foot went through the board leaving a hole and trapping his foot. Dammit. Real cool Alex” he mumbled he struggled to get his foot out after many attempts and his leg getting soar he tugged off his shoe and slipped his foot out. He sat there to think for a moment the randomly hoped up took a few steps back then ran full speed at the boards. He jumped at the last minute slamming into the boards sailing through the boards and falling in to a wide deep hole just barley seeing the dog floating and slowing molting into a cat with a twisted smile…