Young Writers Society

He Picked me when I dropped low.
He mopped my tears, made me laugh.
He laid a soft hand on my shoulder as I sat and wondered was I wrong ?
'You weren't wrong, your idea is just different' He said.
To him I was never wrong.
He listened to me, when no one did .
We fought,
Pulled each others hair, Punched each other.
But our care never went.We became normal for Lunch.
We laughed, we danced,we sang and played.
And yet I must have never told, even If I told maybe a quick one.
I love you.
He, My brother .

Hey there!

First I would like to say that I like that this poem is about a brother rather than a lost love. Lost-love poetry of this type is over-rated, but brother poetry is few and far between. I also like how we couldn't tell right away that it was a brother. (I guessed relative at "You weren't wrong, your idea is just different," and when you talked about beating each other up I knew it had to be a brother.)

If I could give you one piece of advice for improvement, I'd say more specific imagery and/or more figurative language. You do have one specific, in the line of dialogue ("You weren't wrong, your idea is just different"), and I like that you include the fighting - both because, as I said, in my case it gave me the clue I needed to get that it was a brother, and because it's not something you expect to find in this kind of poem. (Since this kind of poem is usually a lost-love poem, so punching would be spouse abuse...)

The only other thing is, a couple of the lines were a little awkward/confusing. I knew what you meant by "normal for lunch" - narrator and brother had lunch together every day, presumably at school unless he was a much older brother, yes? But it was just an odd way to word it. Also, "And yet I must have never told, even if I told maybe a quick one." I get it, I mean, from the following line you can see that what's meant is, "Despite these great times we had and how much we cared about each other, I'm not sure I ever told him that I loved him." But again, it's worded weirdly and I had to read it a couple times to take it in.

Otherwise, however, this is good, and I just love that you wrote a brother poem!

~Blue