Young Writers Society

I am once a little lass
Sitting by the grass,
Looking up on the skies,
And my dreams are past the stars

I always ask myself this and that
How things end up to be like that
These never change until I grow up,
'Til my heart learns to enchant

It feels I should solve a riddle
And I know 'bout it only a little
Across the sky, stars begin to twinkle
Still, no idea how to solve this puzzle

Please tell me what is this.
What is this strange feeling?
Why cannot I catch a sleep?
What is this feeling burning in me?

I'm completely blown-off
I'm puzzled with this stuff
I know this will be tough
For you can't just be my other half

You're like the star that's hard to reach
And I am just only down here,
Looking up on you in my fullest fantasy
And I know this will only be until dreams

Aren't every question has an answer?
Now please tell me your very answer
I want to hear it from you, My Mister
For I think I don't suit to be your partner

I'm feeling so uneasy
This feeling is somewhat crazy
Although I can already see,
I still don't stop believing

I just can't stop walking to and fro
My heart never wants to let you go
It still skips a beat, you should know
But I'm afraid to let this feeling show

Everything is a puzzle
I don't know how it ends up like a riddle
All I know is only a little
That it starts from when I was a li'l girl

I am never meant to be with you
For you'll just be my inspiration through
So I just have to keep my feeling on you,
Never to show anyone that I like you.

Hi Abbie

I read your poem and I think it is okay. There are a couple of things that need to be smoothed out here. But it has a good message and an interesting story. At first I thought it might be about the troubles of the world because you were writing about troubles and not being able to understand life. But then it was a romance poem which is also good.

I'm going to try and help you with some of your corrections.

abbie651382 wrote:I am once a little lass

That should be I was once a little lass.

abbie651382 wrote:I always ask myself this and that
How things end up to be like that

I think the repetition of that should be changed.

abbie651382 wrote:These never change until I grow up,

What are these things you are talking about? I got the impression you were talking about life and its challenges, but you should be more clear on that.

abbie651382 wrote:Please tell me what is this.

I think it flows better if you say Please tell me what this is.

abbie651382 wrote:Why cannot I catch a sleep?

That line doesn't make sense.

abbie651382 wrote:For you can't just be my other half

For you can't be my other half.

abbie651382 wrote:And I know this will only be until dreams

I know what you mean, but you need to rephrase this sentence.

abbie651382 wrote:Aren't every question has an answer?

Doesn't every question have an answer?

abbie651382 wrote:For I think I don't suit to be your partner

I don't understand this.

abbie651382 wrote:Although I can already see,

What can you see? Make it a little more clearer.

abbie651382 wrote:For you'll just be my inspiration through

I don't understand this.

abbie651382 wrote:So I just have to keep my feeling on you,

So I just have to keep my feelings for you my secret.

Needs a bit of correcting, but apart from that it was good. Hope this helps a bit.

Deanie x