Young Writers Society

Tonight I will tell you a story of a princess. You would have heard of many princesses: Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel, Belle, and many more. All of them, pure and kind-hearted, were rescued by princes at sometime or another. Our princess, however, was neither pure nor kind-hearted. Her tale has no such prince and no happy ending. If you dislike sad, upsetting ends, I suggest you leave this story. Walk away from it. Get yourself a happy story, read it and forget you ever heard of this one. If you enjoy dark stories however, go ahead. But you have been warned.....



There was once a princess who loved to read fairy tales more than anything else in the world. She would sit for hours on end and read stories, tales, of how princesses were rescued by princes. She was loved dearly by her parents, the rulers of the kingdom. However, they wished their daughter would spend more time learning about the land and the people, since she would be taking care of them soon.

When she was 15, and ready to be crowned the heir to the throne, she bluntly refused. "Why should I be the heir? Why not one of the ministers? Why must I waste my precious time ruling a country when I can read as many fairy tales as I want?" she said. Her parents, however, had had enough of their daughter's stubbornness. They forced her to accept the crown. But she locked herself up in her room which was in the tallest tower of the castle and refused to come out. Her mother, sick with worry about her daughter, passed away in just ten days' time. Her father, who was already ill and weak, couldn't bear the shock and followed his wife soon after. But the princess, when informed through a small piece of paper that was slipped under her door, still showed no signs of coming out, or even feelings of remorse for her parents' deaths.

The land fell into a state of chaos, panic and confusion. Other kingdoms attacked and destroyed everything in their wake. Yet, the princess still refused to leave her room. Soon, nothing, nothing except the princess' tower, was left standing. The land which once prospered many years ago, was now a pile of rubble. All the kingdoms that attacked left the tower standing out of pity for the land and as a symbol of their victory.

One king, however, was interested in the tower's occupant. One moonlit night, quiet as his surroundings, the king crept into the tower and stole away with the princess. She woke up the next morning, to find her head in the king's lap. He had been so captivated by her beauty that, while gently stroking her long brown hair, he asked her to marry him. She, who had been waiting for a prince or a king to take her away and ask for her hand in marriage, agreed at once. They were to be be betrothed the very next day, when the princess realized that, after marrying the king, she would have to help rule the kingdom. Once again, this idea did not appeal to her for she wouldn't have time to daydream and read fairy tales. The king, surprised and angered by her change of heart, locked her away in a tower. "You were found in such a place, now you shall rot away in such a place." he said.

The princess had, however, read enough fairy tales to be convinced that a prince would come and rescue her from the tower and so, didn't come to her senses. She sat, and hoped and wished and longed, but all in vain. No one came, and her longing drew her to madness. In just a year's time, she could take it no more. And so, she jumped from the window of the tower. Her body was found by a serving maid but when shown to the king, it was left there to rot. For not a single soul mourned the death of the princess.

I enjoyed this. I found this piece funny. It is a little silly, but since you wrote it like a fairytale, which are made for children, that's perfectly natural. Their isn't much description in this piece, leaves it to the imagination, I guess. The piece flow rather well. Overall I think this is a cute little story about the consequences of not realizing the reality of situations.

Yep you were right.It is dark and silly, but good. You should write something like this but as a novel.I think they weren't any grammar mistakes, so practicaly it is all good.I thought it was really cruel of the prince to leave her body to rot. She wasn't any better by leaving her parents, but that is What makes it dark. I want to keep reading your work. Please keep writing, but next time write names.
Lili
P.S. I like your signature!

HPR!

When you said "Don't Click", I just had to click it. D: Lol. I is evul ^.^

Anyway, I have no clue why you said you didn't want anyone to click it because this was so good, man! xD
And even if I'm not interested in reading short-stories in YWS, I had to read this one. Sure enough, you warned me. I like happy endings more but this was good. And she pretty much deserved it. So to me, this was a happy ending!

*sighs dreamily*..... Yay! She is dead. Much to my observance, I loved it. <3'
Just one thing. You've used comma's unnecessarily in some parts. Like here:

HarryPotterRocks wrote:She would sit for hours on end and read stories, tales, of how princesses were rescued by princes.

I think you don't need a comma after "tales". And you should probably put and after "stories".

That's all I found. Me love it! Don't quit writing short-stories. It was dark but happy too. *jumps around* xD

Cookie ^o^

CERAMICA.

Hi! I'm here to review. I'll try to keep this one short

This feels like a kid's story but twisted. I think that's a good thing, it had a really interesting ... feel to it. So well done on that!

It DOES feel dark. A bit .... *shudders* I like that though in a way. Happy Endings never happen. Usually. So yeah

Critiques
When the parents die of the shock, what's so shocking? Did they believe she starved? It's not particularly clear.

Second. Wasn't she locked in a tower in the first place? I'm confused

Third - by the time in the story she's crowned, I think you should add:

Add this to what you wrote:The princess - now queen - ...

Then afterwards, she's the queen. Riiiiight?


But anyway, I thought this was pretty interesting and cool! I hope I helped.

Your Dancing Mascot,

'Duckeh'

First, good job on this theme. I love fantasy and fairytales, but they can be addictive to the point of self-destruction, as you showed in this story. Furthermore, I like how you challenged some of the traditional aspects of fairytales (and fantasy, to a lesser extent), such as laziness, selfish leadership, over-relience on unrealistic dreams without action on the character's part, and even patriarchy, as the princess linked her fate solely with her desired prince or king and refused to do ought herself.

The story itself mirrors a fairytale in its simplicity, as it is focused most on the moral and less on the characters or plot. It is short, as are most fairytales, yet perhaps it is too simplified and too short. I like how the moral twists this normal fairytale back on itself--for you use a fairytale to critique the genre as a whole--but the fairytale itself is lacking. I suggest keeping the insightful moral and expanding the story a bit. Add some more detail and spice up the language a bit. You could even give some generic names that would add a bit of humor. (For instance, to lend from a similar cynical fairytale of my own--albeit somewhat failed--you could have the "Red Kingdom" ravaging the princess's "Blue Kingdom," or something similarly absurdly stereotypical...just an idea to get you thinking.)

Again, good job overall. I think you have a great idea here, and you could make it even better with some expanding and revision. I hope you can work on it some, if for no other reason than that I had a similarly great idea that failed thanks to my own inadequacy at writing satire.

Thanks for sharing!


the greenjay strikes again

Lol, sorry but to me it was not dark. I geuss if you view it as a children's story it would be. I read your spoiler and sat back perpaired for a dark and ugly tell of an evil princess... However, though it was not dark and ugly as I had hoped I did enjoy it.

The story was well writen in a sense of a fairy tale. Though there was a few grammar mistakes in the story you did a fine job. And now you have inspired me! Your story was not what I expected, as I said before, but the writing of fairy tales have been lost...your writing as shown there are a great many fairy tales still to be writen. No mater how selfish the princess my be.

Keep up the good work!

~Angel