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My Bloody Valentine



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Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:58 pm
VincentQuest91 says...



I'm sorry, post unavailable.
Last edited by VincentQuest91 on Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Quest.
  





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Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:03 pm
MikeMoney says...



This was an enjoyable dark story, though it made me gag. I found no mistakes what so ever so good job!
"If your horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate" - Taylor Swift #Stop Bullying!

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Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:13 pm
Toripopppy says...



Freaky story... but pretty epic. I love how sadistic this character is, especially when he laughs at his dead fiance. Just one thing though:
I walked slowly to the closet with a sinister smile on my face.

I was just thinking that he wouldn't know what his face looked like (if his smile was sinister) seeing as he can't see what his expression is, but I get what you mean. Maybe just rephrase it?
Overall, I found this story quite enjoyable... :D
  





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Mon Dec 12, 2011 8:05 pm
AlucardXD says...



Nice! I love how dark and mysterious it is! I love stories like these and I've not seen many of these on here yet so this is refreshing! I love how the first few lines seem to lure the reader in (because they certainly lured me in!). I love how sadistic you've made the character, and when he laughs at his dead fiancée it's just...even more sadistic and quite awesome, to be honest. I found no mistakes as I read it, and I guess I can say no more, apart from keep up the good work!
  





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Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:45 am
hudz96 says...



OH MY GOD your going to give me nightmares!!!!!!!!!
That was SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh brrrr, its freaky and awesome, in a very freaky scary way......
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Fri Dec 16, 2011 9:58 pm
midnightsky says...



Really good, no mistakes at all!
Next time give a description of the room or the area around the character, for the reader to imagine everything to its fullest extent... Otherwise, great job! Hope you write a consecutive story to this! :)
- Midnight
  





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Sun Dec 18, 2011 7:21 am
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92nida says...



It was short but it gave me thrills. I really like the fact that it started and ended quite soon and was able to narrate a vague though not the exact story. Most of us were able to, I'm sure, Imagine what could have happened a while back. It was the kind that we call here the snip and snap. Very clean. I liked it a lot. Good work. Keep it going...
Also... Most of them here tend to write chapters and chapters that hardly conclude or end. And they only create a good start and never get to an end. But, you did a good work there. To come up with something like that? Great work. Well done...
  





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Sun Dec 18, 2011 8:36 am
EllaWylie says...



Oh my gosh! It was so realistic I had a pretty good image of the scene!
  








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