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Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:37 pm
LadyThousand says...



Copy Copy
She looked at the mirror questioningly. Something was wrong-the mirror image showed her she was only waering one earring, but she knew she was wearing two...Again the girl

touched her hands to her ears, felt the two earrings and looked into the mirror reflection that was wearing one, only one earring. She finally sighed and turned away from the mirror. Her reflection's eyes followed her until she left the room-and then
it fell into a nearby armchair. "Mary." The call startled the girl's reflection, she promptly jumped up as a tall man entered the room. He looked dissaprovingly at the reflection. "Mary, where is your other earring?" The girl, Mary, suddenly reached her hand toward her ear. Feeling nothing there, she covered her mouth and
gasped. "She noticed, didn't she?" Her mind went over the girl's touching her ears again and again-she should have noticed something was wrong! "I expect you to pay more attention to those details. You know that mirror-people must-" The rest of the man's words were droned out as suddenly as a great wooshing sound filled the room and Mary began to run, faster faster...Her simple skirt became a ballgown and her hair went into a bun..."The earring..." Mary whispered and a little dangling diamond appeared on her other ear. In a second she appeared before a mirror in a hallway. The girl turned to look

into the mirror, seemingly relieved by the fact that the mirror now echoed every fact of her appearance completely. Mary was looking as well. The name of the girl was Maria, she was pretty, with a moonlight ballgown full of lace and satin.
Maria was the daughter of an aristocrat, hence she often went to parties. Mary, of course, went to them as well, but she longed not to be just a reflection, but a real person, as happy as Maria, dancing on the marble floor. Gradually she stopped imitating the movements Maria was doing and instead stood watching her, but Maria was so absorbed in dancing that she didn't even notice."Mary, what are you doing?" It was the tall man again. Mary blushed and looked down. "I just wish I could be-out there..." Once again she began to copy the movements of Maria...again and again...The man smiled at her. "You could be out there with her, you know." All at once, everything stood still-or at least it seemed to Mary. She froze in the middle of a twirl and turned to face the tall man. "What-I could be out there-with real people?" Mary felt dazed, dizzy. To be
out in the real world, instead of the mirror-image! "How?" she asked. "All you need to do is step out of the mirror Mary." Mary turned at once. She might miss the mirror world-another step-she would miss her father, the tall man-another step-she would miss the world of broken marble she lived in-and she stopped. "Will I be able to come back?" Her father looked at her pityingly. "No, Mary. You will not. For you to live in the
real world, you shall have to kill Maria. For you to come back, you shall have to kill yourself." Suddenly everything made sense to her. "Is that why-my sister-Rose?" "Yes, Mary. It is why she does not have a person. It is why she cannot touch anything but instead glides through them." Silently he handed her a tiny blue
diamond bottle. "What's this?" she asked. "You will need it, it's for-" Mary had turned quickly as the music started once more. She boldly took another step-she was in the real world. ~*


And she promptly fell down. Everybody stopped and turned to her. Everybody including Maria, Mary realized, much to her dismay. Maria was staring at her white-faced. Slowly everyone realized that the girl on the floor and the eloquent girl who had danced so gracefully looked exactly the same. "A twin?" people
murmurred behind their hands. Oh why now! she thought as she stood up-and promptly fell down. Some-thing felt heavy-pulling her down to earth. Then she noticed her father in the other side of the mirror mouthing the words over and over-gravity. Of course! She'd forgotten. Mary grabbed the bottle still clutched tightly in her hand and swallowed it in one mouthful. She felt the potion spread and finally she stood up and began to dance-closer-closer-closer to Maria.She took the bottle and threw the remaining in Maria's direction. For a moment nothing changed, then Maria froze, and slowly she dissolved. No one noticed. Mary began to dance
felling free for the first time in her life. For hours she danced and dance-the clock struck twelve-one-two...Something began to eat away inside her. What would Maria's father think when his second daughter dissapeared as suddenly as
his first? Mary began to regret her rash actions. She wanted to get away from all the noise and music in the ballroom- away-away! She ran out the door when suddenly somebody grabbed her arm. She shrieked loudly and the person covered
her ears-it was Maria's maid, Charlotte. Charlotte quickly recovered from the shock. "Where are you going miss?" she cried as Mary ran away again. Mary wanted togo home, to her father, home in the reflection world. She wish she hadn't
killed Maria! She took the bottle. One tiny drop left-and she quickly swallowed it. For the smallest space of time she saw Maria in the reflection world, confused and upset...and everything went black
~Jasmine Thousand~
  





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Sat Nov 05, 2011 7:36 pm
Audrey718 says...



This is a great story Jazz! Is there more to it? It seems that you really left the reader hanging there, with your ending.
Anyway, I love the large amount of description you used. I really allows the reader imagine everything happening. Only one confusing part: The girl, Maria, is magical? She can change her dress, hair and have an earring magically appear, or does she actually have to do those actions?
Hope you'll be continuing this wonderful short story!
Audrey
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Sat Nov 05, 2011 8:23 pm
LadyThousand says...



There are two girls, Mary and Maria. Mary is the reflection. This story IS done, but I might revise it a bit, make it longer, etc...
~Jasmine Thousand~
  





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Sat Nov 05, 2011 9:54 pm
Leahweird says...



It does get confusing sometimes whether Mary or Maria is doing the action. It also seems really sudden. Deciding to kill another person and never go home again is a huge decision, but Mary goes for it the moment she hears it's possible. And what kind of father does supports this?

That said, this is a really cool concept, it's just the execution that stil needs work.
  





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Sun Nov 13, 2011 1:16 am
Lucy636101 says...



It's amazing that you came up with this. The idea is very creative. The story moves a little too quickly. I feel like my mind was constantly trying to catch up to the story. With some editing, this story could be excellent. Keep up the good work.
"If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up."
-- Dr. Seuss
  








I'm also not sure why but even though I normally wear cool tones I have a feeling red would have been my color in the 1860s.
— Elinor