Young Writers Society

[deleted]
[because I've taken residence on another site, and I don't like having my work scattered around the internet.]

AMAZING.
I loved it. It had great detail. I love how you described the angel's beauty and then ventured off into the feeling and emotions your charcter felt through out it.
The part that got me was you explaing each little thing that happened to her wings, her gorgeous wings, only to be destroyed.
I love how you elaborated on the minute details.

But you are right, on the capitalization on "Her" and "She." When you know it's there, fix it. DON'T BE LAZY. lol
Also, don't forget about the difference between "its" and "it's"
you made a tiny mistake there.
Honestly, I had no idea what Alex was doing there. 0.o Was he a helper or something?

In other words, GREAT
Later,
~bulletthru101
ps read my novel plleeease and comment: Blind Rage Chapter One
thanks(:

Hi there QueenJen! Welcome to YWS and wow, i love your work. Lovely. Simply great and I love every bit of it. I am not going to touch on grammar as it is my biggest problem in English.

And and Alex never spoke of that day.

I guess this is a typo?
The details you use are great and i love how you arrange the piece of the story, if you know what i mean.
Somehow, the ending of your story makes me feel empty.

We escaped the woods easily after that somehow, and walked to our homes silently.

I think you should put more emotion as you have done great putting your emotions in the whole story. (except the ending) And, i love the idea of wandering into the woods.

I really liked this piece! It was unique, and I think you were ight to put it in fantasy. However, I do have one critique. Your opening lines seem very repetitive. Normally this is not a bid deal, but you want the first thing your reader encounters to be perfect.

The Death of Her was like nothing we had ever seen. Then again, you usually do not see an Angel die.

The death of an Angel is an unnatural thing; something we witnessed purely on the accidental stumbling of my dear friend Alex as we walked through the woods.

You seem to be saying that the Death of the angel is not a common event at least three times. You don't need to do that.
Was there a specific reason you used the title as the first lines? Otherwise the entire first line could easily be abandoned. Strat right in with the first paragraph. That's were the story seems to actually start.