Young Writers Society

Hundreds of years ago, there was a young girl who lived just outside of the forest. The girl was extremely fond of he grandmother who was growing quite old and sickly. To cheer up the old lady, the girl made a cake. She put the cake into her basket, put on her red riding cape and set out into the woods. Half way through the woods, a tall handsome boy came out from behind a tree.
"Good Morning," Said the boy. "My name it Lucas. Might I ask what your's is?"
"My name is Sarah." The girl said. She was enchanted by the boys beauty and would say all the things she wouldn't usually say to a stranger.
"Where are you going with that basket?" Lucas asked trying to peer inside it but Sarah pulled it away.
"I'm going to my grandmother's house. She is very sick and I'm bringing her this cake to make her feel better." She said continuing to walk down the path. "She lives all the way on the other side of the forest."
"There are wild flowers deeper in the forest. You could pick them for your grandmother. It is sure to make her feel loved." Lucas said. "Unless your too afraid of the things in the forest."
Sarah had to decide on what she would do. Would she prove that she was brave and go into the forest or would she safely travel along the path to her grandmothers house without flowers. Her grandmother did love wild flowers but what if Sarah got hurt and couldn't get to her grandmothers house? Despite all her better judgement she decided to go into the forest and pick the prettiest wild flowers for her grandmother.
While she was distracted picking flowers, Lucas sneaked farther in to forest. Sarah did not know it but Lucas was a werewolf whose last meal had been quite a while back. He had no interest in why she was going to see her sick grandmother or if she was going to get her flowers or not. He needed a distraction to occupy the girl's time. At least until he could get to the grandmothers house and fill his empty stomach.
When Lucas had gotten far enough into the forest that he wouldn't be heard he transformed into a wolf like creature. He was six feet tall, covered in coarse brown fur, and stood on his hind legs like a human. He ran all the way to the other side of the forest and found Sarah's grandmother's little cottage and broke down the door. He ran into Sarah's grandmothers room and ate the old woman alive.
When Sarah was finished picking flowers, she hurried along the path to her grandmothers house so that she could show her the flowers but by the time she got there her grandmothers door was already broken open. Sarah stepped into the cottage and went to her grandmothers room where Lucas was waiting for her.
As she realized what Lucas had done, she screamed loud enough that a lumberjack could hear he in the woods and hurried to where the sound was coming from. The lumberjack arrived just as Lucas bit Sarah's arm. The lumberjack took his axe, raised it above her head and brought it down on Lucas's neck. The werewolf's body fell to the ground with a loud thud.
"Thank you so much!" Sarah said giving the lumberjack a hug. "But the creature bit me. What will become of me now?"
"We must get rid of the creatures body." The lumberjack said. He and Sarah spent the rest of the day dragging the Lucas's body through the woods to a hidden clearing. The lumber jack used the wood he had cut that day to make a bonfire over the body. He set the wood on fire and he and Sarah watched the wood burn wildly.
As the full moon came up over the tops of the mountains, Sarah was transformed into a creature like Lucas with bright red eyes. She hunted the lumberjack through the forest and killed him.
The next morning, she went back to her village and took everything she could carry with her into the forest. A month later she saw a boy walking down the path to the other side of the forest.
"Good morning," She said. "My name is Sarah."

Hi there. Overall, I liked this different twist on the Little Red Riding Hood story.
Being a bit pedantic with grammar, there a few little points I want to get out of the way with first:

Nicola60 wrote:"Good Morning," Said the boy. "My name it Lucas. Might I ask what your's is?"

There's a slight typo here with the 'it' instead of 'is'. Also, you should probably lose the apostrophe in 'your's'.

Nicola60 wrote:"Where are you going with that basket?" Lucas asked trying to peer inside it but Sarah pulled it away.

There should be a comma between 'asked' and 'trying'.

Nicola60 wrote:"Unless your too afraid of the things in the forest."

'your' would be better put 'you're'.

Nicola60 wrote:He ran all the way to the other side of the forest and found Sarah's grandmother's little cottage and broke down the door.

Maybe you could put this, 'He ran all the way to the other side of the forest and found Sarah's grandmother's little cottage, breaking down the door.'

Nicola60 wrote:When Sarah was finished picking flowers, she hurried along the path to her grandmothers house so that she could show her the flowers but by the time she got there her grandmothers door was already broken open.

There needs to be a comma between 'flowers' and 'but'.

Nicola60 wrote:As she realized what Lucas had done, she screamed loud enough that a lumberjack could hear he in the woods and hurried to where the sound was coming from.

You could phrase this 'loud enough that a lumberjack could hear her in the woods, hurrying to where the sound was coming from.'

Other than that, I thought 'Red' was a good little read. In particular, I really enjoyed the twist at the end, with Sarah becoming a werewolf herself. Which I have to say, I didn't see coming. While her turning on the lumberjack could perhaps have been elaborated on a little bit more, I felt the idea of the story starting all over again- Sarah now being the monster in disguise preying on travellers in the forest- was really clever.

Hey there! My name's Hawk, and I'm here to review.

I thought this was an enjoyable little read. I expected that Lucas was going to be a werewolf (because it seems like all the Red Riding Hood retellings have werewolves in them now), but I wasn't expecting the fact that Sarah would turn into one and start luring people off the trail, thus continuing the loop. I really liked that twist you gave; very clever.

Now, your story isn't bad grammar-wise; however, there are definitely places where the sentences feel overly simplified. The reading level of this story reminds me of something written for young children, not the tween/teen age, which is what I expect you're aiming for, considering the content. It's all very well and good telling us what happens, but you don't want it to be so black and white. Give a little more description; use different words and expand the vocabulary; don't keep the sentences so short and simple, like "The dog caught the ball." That doesn't really feel like something an older kid would read, does it?

I'd suggest taking a look at some of your favorite novels; hopefully you have a pretty good selection to choose from, and just read the writing style. Pay special attention to the way they describe characters, settings, and events. How do they portray images and scenes without just stating them all? How do they write in a way that doesn't feel clichéd or young? This is something I do a lot, and it's a good exercise to get your brain stretching and thinking in different ways than you're used to.

One last little grammar nitpick I'd like to make is about your dialogue punctuation. You've got some periods and capital letters in the wrong spots, which breaks up the smooth reading. I'd like you to take a look at this post about punctuating your character's dialogue; it's got some really good tips that have helped me a lot.

Well, that's all I've got to say! Please let me know if you have any questions or whatnot. Keep on writing! =)

Cheers!
~Hawk