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The night I died (did I really die?)



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Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:23 pm
Twinkle4ever says...



Spoiler! :
You can read 'the night I died(the longer version) to get the idea about what happened to scarlet. Enjoy :)


The night I died… did I really die?

I could hear faint murmurs around me. My body was completely numb at the moment. I felt light-headed but the fact that I didn’t have any preceding memories bothered me. Who was I and where was I?

I didn’t know…

From all the murmuring around me, the only one voice I could detect was a lady’s voice. It was hoarse and loud, muffling
every other voice. She was weeping terribly, calling out to someone; Scarlet. Was that me? For some reason, her voice made my heart ache. Why did it ache like that? I was unaware.

‘She seems sad,’ I thought, which was all I could do, since I couldn’t quite get my mouth open to say anything. Did I even know how to speak? Why was I feeling so empty inside?

I tried to remember something but all I could see was darkness. Every corner of my mind was full of darkness; not even a single flicker of light anywhere. That’s when the thought occurred to me, ‘Am I even alive?’ I asked myself. I struggled to open my eyes but it seemed like I was detached from my own body. I felt like being trapped inside an unknown realm from which there was no escape. My fate was laid before me and I couldn’t change it.

‘If this is to be my fate, then without a doubt I'll accept it… but do I really deserve this?’

A slight throbbing started somewhere in my mind. It made me feel down and lifeless. My mind quickly interpreted the feeling and projected it to me.

The projection showed a beautiful red rose lying on a white pillow. A dim, yellow light shimmered onto it when suddenly, I heard a crash; ‘the shattering of glass’, my mind replied. The flower instantly turned a dark red and its petals began to melt away. They turned into a dark, dense liquid and rolled down the perfectly clean Pillow. ‘Blood’, my mind told me again.

Down it went into a deep dark pit where no light could be seen and only echoes of lost hopes and wishes could be heard…
I felt a tight knot inside my throat. ‘It’s the feeling everyone gets when they want to cry’, my brain again updated me with the information.

‘No!’ I yelled the thought and the knot disappeared. ‘There has to be a way out of this… I must remember who I am and what happened to me.’ I felt slight warmth coming from the very core of my thoughts. As I peered deeper into it, I could see a tiny flame being ignited. The cold and the dark seemed to shy away from it.

‘That’s it!’ I almost shouted with enthusiasm. I’d found out a way to escape from this dark prison. The flame grew brighter and bigger at my sudden response. I could feel the hope I’d once lost in one of my previous memories, come back. The heat was burning away all the sadness. The blood retreated quickly back up the white pillow, removing the red stains from it, and solidifying into a beautiful red rose again.

I could hear soothing chimes now and a new light shone brightly at the rose. I could almost feel myself grin. The light grew brighter until it obscured my whole vision.
I could hear someone whisper something to me, tell me to wake up. I followed the soft familiar voice into the light.


I coughed, feeling someone’s hand under my head as I turned it sideways. My neck hurt terribly and I coughed more.

“Easy there,” it was the same voice again. ‘Why does it seem so familiar to me?’ I wondered, finally opening my eyes. My vision was blurry as I tried to sit up. Someone placed his or her hand on my back to steady me. I turned my head a little to look at the person sitting beside me.

I stared till my head stopped spinning and my vision cleared. It was a teenage boy, not much older than I was. His skin was white as snow and he had a pink scar the shape of a straight line. He looked beautiful with those glinting red eyes. ‘Those eyes,’ I thought as I stared, fascinated by them, ‘They remind me of someone…’

“Are you alright?” he asked, giving me a friendly smile. It was night time; a very familiar time…

Something ticked at the back of my mind. A tiny alarm went off inside my head. My smile started to disappear and my palms became sweaty. ‘Something is wrong here,’ I thought as I tried to get up, forcing my feet to stand. He helped me up, pulling my arm, but I cringed away from him, snatching my arm back.

He gave me a confused look, “I won’t hurt you…” was what he said but my mind was already racing ahead. It was showing me tiny flash backs about a person dressed in white. The person had wings. His skin had been snow white and he’d been glaring at me with blazing red eyes.

I backed away, horror struck. My feet were still weak from whatever had happened to them.The boy took a few steps towards me, looking at me worriedly.
“No…” I spoke, frightened, backing away further. It was as if I hadn’t heard my voice in years. My heart was beating rapidly. Those tiny bits of flash backs had given me enough clues to determine he was evil.
“Look, I just want to help you–” he was saying but I never let him finish.

“No, no, no, no, no! NO! You’re EVIL!!” I yelled, hysterically. I could feel a warm liquid roll down my cheek as I turned to run away. ‘Tears’, my mind informed me.
“No, wait–” He was coming towards me. I didn’t wait for a second and started running blindly. I’d only taken two steps after which I tripped.

I gasped at the sight in front of me. I was about to fall off of a cliff! My head tilted upwards for only a split second. The night sky looked beautiful; exactly like it was last time I saw it. The stars seemed to shine brighter this time. I looked down and saw the ocean smile at me nastily. I thought this was it. Perhaps this time I was to die once and for all; no changing my fate... ‘Not this time,’ I thought when suddenly, a pair of strong hands grabbed me and pulled me back.

I fell to the ground, panting frantically. My heart was still hammering inside my chest. A comforting hand rested on my right shoulder.

“It’s alright…” it was the boy again, “You’re safe now.”
Realization struck me again and I crawled backwards, not caring if I looked stupid that way; anything to get away from HIM. I still wore the horror-struck expression on my face and he could tell I was terrified by him.

“You’re evil,” I whispered when I was about seven feet away from him. The boy didn’t come towards me but sighed, shaking his head.

“I’m really sorry about… what happened to you that night. I don’t think you remember much about your past right now but try to remember the attacker’s face. I’m sure you’ll see the difference.”

Now that I thought about it, he was nicer than the person I’d seen that night. He was wearing a cool-grey jacket over the white shirt with black jeans. 'He's dressed differently as well,' I thought. I focused on the bad guy’s face. Was it exactly the same as him? They both had the same skin tone and the same red eyes. ‘What’s the difference?’ I asked myself.

The boy stared at me anxiously the whole time. Wind blew his dark hair onto his face and he pulled it back with one hand. That’s when I noticed the pink scar…
“Your scar!” I ejaculated suddenly, standing up in a swift motion.
“Bingo!” The boy chuckled and I sat back down again, blushing. I felt rather stupid for running away like that. My mind was finally at ease but my heart was still thudding violently. I still had so many questions.

“But how is it possible? I mean, I was sure that I died. I remember a pair of sharp teeth piercing my neck…” I shuddered at the memory, touching the right side of my neck, but there was nothing; no marks! I looked at the boy worriedly.
He spoke, “It’s true that you were attacked by a vampire; he’s my evil twin, actually. Anyway, you don’t remember anything about wandering around at night as a spirit, do you?”

I simply shook my head and he nodded thoughtfully, “Your memories will return to you in a matter of time. So please, I’d suggest you stay calm till then and don’t try jumping off the cliff again. You nearly gave me a heart-attack.” He gestured towards the grassy area where the land ended.

“I still don’t get it… did I really die?” My voice was shaky. Tears were filling my eyes again.
“In the eyes of your family, yes, you did die…” he trailed off.
“While the truth is…?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
He took a moment to answer. When he spoke again, he sounded serious, “You’re infected.”

My mouth dropped open as I stared into those blazing red eyes, expecting him to laugh like crazy any second, but he didn’t. He retained that serious expression while looking away…
Last edited by Twinkle4ever on Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:51 pm, edited 3 times in total.
You can wish for death... but you can't wish it away
  





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Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:32 pm
dancingmangos says...



Wow...really powerful. It has the perfect amount of confusion and mystery added to it.

I really liked how I wasn't sure what was going on throughout the story, but then it all tied together at the end. Yeah, it was annoying not knowing it while I was reading it, but I don't mind now that I know the punch line.

I also like your writing style. I'm not sure how to to put it in words, but it's got a different edge to it than most vampire stories. Not the straight-up Dacula or Twilight stuff that's become way too cliche.

Keep writing!
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Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:31 pm
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Rock n' Roll Queen says...



This was amazing!! It had the perfect amount of suspence, which I loved.

I felt like being trapped inside an unknown realm from which there was no escape. My fate was laid before me and I couldn’t change it. I was to stay and rot in this dark universe forever.


Great line, but I would get rid of the last part. It's fine the way it is, but the last part just sounds like a genaric filler.

‘If this is my fate, then I shall except it without a doubt… but is this really what I deserve?’


This line was a little confusing. Get rid of "Shall" it sounds a little mellow dramatic. say something like "Without a doubt, I expect this will be my fate...to be traped here forever, but do I really deserve this dark fate?"

Other than that, this is great! Amazing plot, and a great twist on the vampire theme that is so popular in lit.
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Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:55 pm
apple96 says...



Hi Twinkle it's apple96 here!

Right well I didn't spot anything big wrong with this piece and really enjoyed reading it.

However one thing I did notice was this:

I was about to fall from a cliff! The night sky looked beautiful; exactly like it was last time I saw it. The stars seemed to shine brighter this time.


Genarally when people are about to fall off of cliffs they don't stop to observe the sky :D Apart from that I really liked this piece, keep writing!

- apple
'Are you saying Ni to that old woman?'
'Yes'
'Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history'
  





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Wed Aug 31, 2011 6:45 am
Euhuman says...



Really really nice. That flower part. Simply wow.
Just.. don't mind me saying. Stick to the topic and uh.. repetition loses the true essence of the words or dialogues. "You are evil' once at the right place would've counted much more...

But still. You know what you wrote, with that scenario formulated perfectly in your mind.. I will love to read it's sequel

=) Cheers
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Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:46 am
Rahul says...



really great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  








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