Young Writers Society

I peer around the edge of the tall oak door curiously, at a glance it just looks like an ordinary room and I am about to leave when suddenly I spot a large mirror sitting in the corner of the room, that has seemed to camaflage into the room before. I gasp in shock. I had heard all of the legends but I had never actually thought that such mythical object could really exist. I turn around and check the corridor, it is empty and there is no one there- should I? I asked myself, the temptation was so hard to resist and besides there was no one here.

Suddenly out of nowhere I heard loud plodding footsteps climbing up the stairs and the door handle turning was followed by the unmistakable grumbling of Filch and the irritating hissing of his dilapidated, manky old cat.

I panic and dash into the room, slamming the door loudly and carelessly behind me and scrambling into the corner of the room and clamping my hands over my mouth to stop myself from making any sound, still fretting that he would hear my breath- now loud from worry and running into the room.

“Anyone there?” mumbled Filch in his usual bored, depressing tone. His question rang around the hallway echoing through all the abandoned rooms that inhabited this level of the castle. After his cat had grown restless Filch finally left, still groaning with the pain of walking.

When I had been sitting crouched quietly in the corner of the room for at least half an hour, long after Filch had gone, I finally decided that enough time has passed. I slowly get up from crouching on the hard wooden floor. I hastily brush the irritating dust of my knees and race over to door desperate to breathe are that wasn't so dusty and see light that wasn't only visible through a crack in one of the bricks.

But as I am about to leave the room I notice the mirror again and I just know that I can't leave without knowing that my deepest desire is really what I long for the most. I feel an urge to want to prove everyone wrong so badly. To know that my love is true and not just a childish phase that will pass in a couple of years like everyoen claims. I make up my mind, I am looking in the mirror no matter what. 

I tip toe over to the mirror quietly, the nerves more powerful than the suspension. I stand quietly, my feet rooted firmly to this spot as I watch enchanted as the elaborate gold frame that used to surround the mirror melts into the misty pond of silver that covers the image that I know lays below. The cloudy surface of the mirror looks so magical, but slowly the mist begins to clear and I dig my nails into my arm as the sensation of knowledge finally arrives. 

Slowly a figure slightly taller than myself starts to appear in the mirror, a gasp escapes my lips as I see the outline of him begin to form and his jet black, shaggy hair start to take shape. Followed by his gentle, warm, forgiving eyes colored with an unmistakable emerald green and speckled with flecks of hazel and in parts almost gold. Next comes his mouth stretched into a truthful smile that brightens his usually sad expression. His eyebrows float into a thoughtful position immediately changing his face from faraway and ethereal to intelligent and thoughtful. 

His figure is long lean and athletic, but he doesn't have overly exaggerated muscles or look like one of the sport obsessed boy's that seem to inhabit the rest of the world today. He was interesting and simple and he had more than one way to make me laugh unlike everyone else that I knew, he was clever in a way that wasn't nerdy or just plain weird.

Suddenly I appear next to him in the mirror, he turns and looks at me kindly a expression of empathy on his face. Then he starts to delicately stroke my soft golden brown hair and then he takes my hand. We walk over to the balcony and he begins to point out the sky showing me the beauty in things that most people wouldn't try to notice, I watch as he carefully shows me the constellations telling me beautiful myths about all the stars, the kind that I love without having to try.  

Then he looks into my eyes and for a brief moment it is just him and I. Then without warning he kisses me and for several seconds I forget it is just an illusion, it almost seems like it could be true. His face seems like it is right in front of my eyes and it is so hard to believe that it could possibly anything, anything, except reality.  

Then he grants my greatest wish, he tells me that he loves me. I stand shocked hardly believing what I can hear, his words rining through my heart, soul and mind, lifting the pain off every inch of my body.

But I knew it couldn't last quickly realitly dooms on me and the joy that just blessed me vanishes amlmost quicker than it came. It is all a lie, a fantasy, a stupid dream that will never, ever come true, she was right I am a failure.

Swiftly I turn away. Wishing will only make it harder and very quickly my head begins to fill up with disgusting images of her dragging him away from me if we as much as talk. Then her, whispering snarly comments in his ear and giggling when she knows I'm watching, her laughing at me as I run away embarrassed, and finally her kissing him, taking the time to grin at me over his shoulder and smile, as I run away sobbing.  

I pull away quickly from the mirror tugging myself away with all the strength left in me as a small tear begins to roll slowly down my cheek as I run out the room still not failing to wish with all the remaining part left of my heart that just for a single hour that it could just be true. This is what I pray as I sprint away my eyes blood shot and my face tear streaked. 

Crying, if only, if only...

I thought that your descriptions were pretty good and the story works under the guidelines of the prompt. You misspelled quite a few words, though, and had some grammar mistakes. I am going to try to help you correct what I see.

I peer around the door curiously, I am about to leave when suddenly I spot a large mirror sitting in the corner of the room. I gasp in shock, I had heard all the legends but I had never thought that such mhythicl object could really exist. I turn around and check the corridor, it is empty and there is no one there, should I? I asked myself, the temptation was so hard to resist and there was no one here

In this line mythical is spelled wrong. I would also make a suggestion to use a dash instead of a comma before "should I?" along with changing the comma after "shock" into a period, or add a word after the comma to make it sound more like the same sentence. A semicolon would work, too, if you would prefer to use that.

Suddenly out of nowhere I heard footsteps and the unmistakable grumbling of Filch anmd the irritating hissing of his cat. I panic and dash into the room, slamming the door loudly behind me and clamping my hands over my mouth fretting that he would he my breath- now loud from worry.

In this line "and" is spelled wrong and "hear" is written as "he" in the last sentence.

When I have been sitting crouched quietly in the corner of the room for at least half and hour, when I finally decide that enough time has passed, I slowly get up from sitting on the hard wooden floors. I hastily brudh the dust of my knees and race over to door but I just can't help myself I turn around and spot the mirror and I just know that I can't leave without knowing that my deepest desire is really what I long for the most. I want to prove everyone wrong so badly, that my love is true and not just a childish phase that will pass in a couple of years, I make up my mind, I am looking in the mirror.

In this paragraph, "brush" is spelled wrong, and in the same sentence, "of" should be "off". The sentence that both of these misspellings are in is a run-on sentence, and I would fixing it with multiple commas. I would add the word "prove" again before "that my love is true. Also, the comma before "I make up my mind" would be better as a period.

The cloudy surface of the mirror looks so magical, slowly the mist begins to clear and I dig my nails into my arm as the sensation of knowledge finally arrives.

I would use some word like "and" or "while" to connect "magical" and "slowly" better.

Slowly a figure appears in the mirror, a gasp as I see the outline of him befin to form and his jet black, shaggy hair start to take shape. Followed by his gentle, warm, forgiving eyes colored with an umistakable emerald green and speckled with flecks of hazel and in parts almost gold. Next comes his mouth stretched into a truthful smile that brightens his usually sad expression. His eyebrows float into a thoughtful position immediately changing his face.

The spelling errors here are "begin" as "befin", along with "unmistakable". I suggest adding "and" before "a gasp as I see". Also, the sentence that begins with "Followed" isn't complete, so I suggest turning the period before it into a comma.

Suddenly I appear next to him in the mirror, he looks at me kindly and strokes my soft golden brown hair and takes my hand. We walk over to the balcony and he begins to point out the sky showing me the beauty in things that most people wouldn't try to notice watch as he shows me the constellations telling me beautiful myths about all the stars. Then he takes my hand, looks into my eyes and kisses me.

The comma after "mirror" should be a period, or you could use a conjunction like "and" after the comma. I would change "and takes my hand" to "while taking my hand". After "notice", you should end the sentence and start the next by saying, "We watch as". There should also be a comma after "looks into my eyes".

For several seconds I forget it is just an illusion, it almost seems like it could be true. His face seems like it is right in front of my eyes and it is so hard to believe that it could possibly anything, anything, except reality. Swiftly I turn away wishing will only make it harder and my head begins to fill up with disgusting images of her dragging him away from me as I talk to him. Her whispering snarly comments in his ear and giggling and laughing at me as I run away embarassed and finally her kissing him, taking the time to grin at me over his shoulder and smile, as I run away sobbing.

I think you forgot "be" before " anything, anything". I would add a comma after "swiftly", and add "because" before "wishing will only", or start a new sentence there. In that same sentence, I would add a comma before "and", especially if you choose to keep it as one sentence instead of splitting it into two. The sentence that begins "Her whispering" isn't a complete sentence and needs some fixing. Embarrassed is also spelled wrong.

A turn away quickly from the mirror pulling away with all my might as a small tear begins to roll slowly down my cheek as I turn away from the mirror and run out the room still not failing to wish with all the remaining part left of my heart that just for a single hour that it could just be true. This is what I pray as I sprint away my eyes blood shot and my face tear streaked.

I think you meant to put "I" instead of "A" as the first word. I would add a comma after "quickly from mirror" and change the "as" in "cheek as I turn" to "and". I would also add a comma after "run out the room" and add "of" between "out" and "the". Finally, I would add "with" between "away" and "my eyes" in the last sentence.

Seeing as how most of the grammar and spelling has been corrected, I'll give my general impression on the story. First, love is nothing to be embarrassed about. All of us have different desires, so don't fret it. Heck, I don't even know what my desire is. I guess my desire would be to find a desire. I loved how you decided to make it in the Harry Potter universe, rather than in the normal world and you come upon it by chance. Your use of words is good, especially when describing the image coming to life.

I also liked the ending, how you acknowledge it is an illusion, but don't want to leave it because facing reality is harder. It does get a little confusing when the "images" switch from the mirror to your mind, but I think it still works out fine. However, I do wish for you to expand the actually mirror part itself. A large majority of the story is you reaching the mirror and debating whether or not to look into it.

Hi I'm Eniarrol! Thanks for entering my contest!
Most of the spelling and grammar was corrected before I read this. Which is fine because I'm not too good on those myself! I'll just advise you on my general impression of the story, which is what I normally do.

Like shadowraiki, I like that you used a Harry Potter universe rather than the normal world. I know it sounds weird when I say it but It makes it seem much more believable than just stumbling upon an object from a story.

Great work!

I got third in the contest that I entered!