z

Young Writers Society


My Deepest Desire



User avatar
23 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2938
Reviews: 23
Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:23 am
Gryffindor13 says...



Spoiler! :
Before you read this you should know that it is eniterly fictional except for my deepest desire. I know my desire is cheesy and ironic but it's true. So don't be mean about that. Ok?




Slowly, silently I crept down the deserted corridor towards the room I knew would be waiting for me.

“Stupid….slithering….got away…” I froze. Darting into the shadows I stood there, too afraid to move. Sure enough Ms. Ivy, the hostile biology teacher came storming past muttering darkly under her breath about god-know-what.

That was way to close. Who knows what could have happened if I was caught out of bed and wandering the halls in the dead of night. I go to a strict private academy in downtown New York that every kid would kill to be in. They only accept a select few each year and luckily, I am one of those kids. If I got expelled, I couldn’t even imagine the horrors I’d face. I remember William Everett. He was expelled last year due to an unfortunate drug incident. I heard his entire family had to move due to the unbearable scorn from their neighbors and friends.

I couldn’t let that happen to me. Or my family for that matter. We have too much pride.

Finally! I had reached the all too familiar door. I slowly ran my hand over the engravings in the wood. I don’t know for sure what the engravings mean exactly, they appear to be a foreign language, one you don’t learn in school. Though, I’ve grown so accustomed to tracing their mysterious shapes every night, I feel as if they are a part of me.

Slowly, careful not to make a sound, I turn the door handle and slip into a room so unlike most, I consider it magical.



The walls were painted a deep, rich red and were lined with books. What I loved most about this room was the types of books that lay neatly stacked upon the shelves. Thick leather bound volumes of everything you could possibly imagine lined the shelves as far as the eye could see. There were books full of poetry, stories, facts and a few curious volumes full of, well, nothing.

Settling into my favourite arm chair I found my spot in a book of poems and began reading where I had left off yesterday.

I’m not sure how long I sat there with that that book on my lap, but suddenly something made me look up. A strange sensation washed over me. The sensation of being watched. Gradually I worked up the nerve to turn around, fearing the worst. Had someone else found this place? My special place? What if it was a teacher? I could be expelled!

Nothing was there. Not even a book out of place.

Relieved, I turned back around, excited to return to my poetry. Then I saw it. The corner of something protruding around the corner of a bookcase. The bookcase on the far left wall, farthest from where I sat.

Reluctantly I got up out of my chair and headed towards what could only be described as, the shiny thing. I was so anxious as to what it might be that I was shaking uncontrollably and I was slowly going numb. It was really just my curiosity propelling me forward, without it I probably would have crumpled up on the floor in a heap right there, unable to move or speak.

At last, I reached the bookshelf. Taking a deep breath, steeling myself for the worst, I rounded the corner.

A mirror? I couldn’t believe it. I blinked a couple of times and raised my right hand. Sure enough the reflection did the same. How did it get here? I know for sure that it wasn’t here yesterday. These were the poetry stacks. The book I was reading came from these shelves. Where did it come from?

With a start I realized that there was something odd about the mirror. Though the mirror reflected everything I did, my reflection was different somehow. The mirror-image me looked older, more accomplished. There was a stack of books at its-er my feet, and with a closer look I realized all the books had my name written on them. Novels! Fully published! Written by me! This mirror must show the future! What else could it be?

“Wow,” I breathed, “I can’t believe that’s truly me!” My mirror-image smiled and nodded. As mirror me turned around to talk to someone who had walked up my eyes wandered. Look at all those beautiful markings on the mirrors frame! They remind me of the markings engraved on the door. What could they mean? It had to be some sort of ancient language, dead to our generation.

Then it dawned on me. This entire time I’ve had this feeling, a very little feeling, but a feeling all the same, that I have seen this mirror before. I had! But never in real life. Only in books, more specifically books from this room.

“The Mirror of Erised,” I whispered. A myth, a legend. Could it really be?

Hurtling through the rows of books I came to a stop in front of a bookcase that held only books pertaining to legends. After a few frantic minutes of searching I finally found what I was looking for. “Ancient Legends: A Study of Myths from Before Our Time”. I hurriedly flipped towards the middle, desperate to find answers.

“The Mirror of Erised is rumored to reveal the hearts deepest desire. The person looking into the mirror shall see themselves fulfilling the heart’s desire. Be warned! This mirror does not portray the future. Men have withered away, wasting their lives in front of this mirror.”

A wise, old man once said, I vaguely remember, “The happiest man on earth would look into the mirror and see only himself, exactly as he is.” So then, what I was seeing in the mirror, me being a published author and all, was not true, not my future. Merely a wish, my hearts utmost desire. I was crushed. Well at least I now had something concrete to work towards, rather than reading my life away.



Ideas were flitting through my mind as I quietly shut the door behind me. I crept silently back to my room visualizing characters and magical places. Maybe I’d even use my room, the room that inspired me to write, as my first setting. I can’t wait to start my first novel!
  





User avatar
9 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1190
Reviews: 9
Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:33 am
Wolfdancer95 says...



I love it! The background to getting to the mirror was well done, and her personality was shown with her concerns of being expelled. I particually liked the third paragraph for some reason, it sums up her school and her family in one fell swoop, as well as consequenes. the last line is my favourite :) We writers have to have our origins!

I'm in the contest too, good luck!
'I am the monster in your head.'~ Breaking Benjamin.
"Little voice I thought I got ride of? I have some advice for you: SHUT. UP."~ WolfDancer.
  





User avatar
424 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 8572
Reviews: 424
Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:04 am
Demoness says...



Good Luck In The Contest!
I like this story, it's descriptive, doesn't leave the reader unsatisfied, you begin looking for something, you find it, you think about it and there's an ending - sad but hopeful! I liked it! I do have dreams similar to yours, and I think, since we're all members of a writing society it's not unlikely that there are many others around here that does too :D

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost
  





User avatar
85 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1464
Reviews: 85
Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:15 am
Eniarrol says...



Hi!
I like how descriptive your story is. Describing your school in the third paragraph was great! It made the setting feel more realistic and not just a place you happened to be in.
Your desire isn't foolish at all. Lots of people have one almost the same as that.
It does have an ending, which is good. A lot of short stories seem tot just cut off rather than end.
Good job anyway!
~Eniarrol
A hero isn’t defined by winning. Loads of heroes die in the effort. Most of them never get any recognition. No, a hero is just somebody who does the right thing when it would be far, far easier to do nothing.


~Previously SweetMoments
  





User avatar
933 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 4261
Reviews: 933
Sun Aug 28, 2011 7:00 pm
Iggy says...



Hello! Returning the review favor x3

First off, nice use of imagery. Describing the scene really helps the reader see the action in their mind's eye. I loved hpw beautifully you described the rooms and the mirror.

Second, there were a few punctuation mistakes. Maybe you should look through and edit it. But there were no grammar or spelling errors. Kudos to you.

Third, the story flowed beautifully and was very well-written! I loved how her deepest desire was to bea famous author. So's mine ;) I absolutely loved how you slyly mentioned Dumbledore! I love him x3

All in all, good job. Keep writing!

- Ariel<3'
“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
- Lewis Carroll
  





User avatar
50 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1708
Reviews: 50
Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:29 pm
armstronge says...



Good. I like how you put the Mirror of Erised into the story, especially since your setting was in a New York private school. I liked the way you added the Mirror into the story. It was very smooth. Nothing like "What the? How did something magical appear?"

There are a few mistakes[quote="Gryffindor13"


That was way too close. Who knows what could have happened if I was caught out of bed and wandering the halls in the dead of night. I go to a strict private academy in downtown New York that every kid would kill to be in. They only accept a select few each year and luckily, I am one of those kids. If I got expelled, I couldn’t even imagine the horrors I’d face. I remember William Everett. He was expelled last year due to an unfortunate drug incident. I heard his entire family had to move due to the unbearable scorn from their neighbors and friends.

I couldn’t let that happen to me. Or my family for that matter. We have too much pride.

Finally! I had reached the all too familiar door. I slowly ran my hand over the engravings in the wood. I don’t know for sure what the engravings mean exactly, they appear to be a foreign language, one you don’t learn in school. Though, I’ve grown so accustomed to tracing their mysterious shapes every night, I feel as if they are a part of me. How would no one else be able to find this door? Is it hidden in a niche or is it hidden behind a bookcase? If it was just a door, I think some other people would find it too.

Slowly, careful not to make a sound, I turn the door handle and slip into a room so unlike most, I consider it magical.



The walls were painted a deep, rich red and were lined with books. What I loved most about this room was the types of books that lay neatly stacked upon the shelves. Thick leather bound volumes of everything you could possibly imagine lined the shelves as far as the eye could see. There were books full of poetry, stories, facts and a few curious volumes full of, well, nothing.

Settling into my favorite arm chair I found my spot in a book of poems and began reading where I had left off yesterday.
[/quote]

And I think that's it. I don't think you're deepest desire is so cheesy. :D Great job! I liked it!
“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world”

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
  





User avatar
19 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 201
Reviews: 19
Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:56 am
irsyad23 says...



This was great. You should show more rather than to tell. Farewell.
If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk then crawl. No matter how hard it is, just keep moving forward.
  








"Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even to suffer, rather than to remain a dupe to illusions all one's life."
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening