I looked over the small balcony that allowed me to peer over my country. In all its beauty and wonder Thorium was the most enchanting place I had ever visited. The castle...my castle, my home over looked a south facing land. We were the mountains that the great rivers were conceived from.
"Conceived." I whispered to my small bear. It was one I had owned as a child. It's hallow blank expression seemed to mimic my sister.
"I shouldn't be calling her that, now should I?" I stroked the top of the small bears head. The event that forced my sister to retire as a princess and work in witchcraft. The problem which had occurred, that should have been a beautiful thing. I placed my hand gingerly on my tummy. It was empty. As I knew it would be.
"Should I have told him?" It merely gazed back in unmoving silence.I closed my eyes. As I remembered that beautiful moment.
I glanced around me leaning against the hard wall and smiling to the occasional knight. How I wished Somie was here. But it was not he who I had come for.
"Alyssum." I whispered, as I peered around the corner of the corridor. The bright floral work on tables, displayed beautifully in vases and brimming with sparking water blocked the view of my sister's face as she responded to my call.
"Alyssum." I called louder. She rounded the corner, her dark pink lips were turned down in a frown.
"Hush now sister." She glanced around and then weaved her hands in the air. It was magic. It was delicate and graceful. I was unfamiliar to her witchcraft but I stood in awe. My youngest sister would always be greater that I. Wouldn't she?
"Now." She inhaled and turned back to me, "what is it?" Her eyes were impatient.
"Alyssum," I stated happily.
"Asher?" She repeated with sarcasm.
"I have good news." I gripped my stomach. "Though I am not sure if it is true, I have good reason to believe that..." I breathed in, preparing for what was to come.
"That?" She prompted . I waved her closer and she leaned her head towards me. I took a final breath as I cupped my hands around her ear and whispered the word.
"What!" She jumped back. Looking at me with utter shock.
"I know, isn't it wonderful?" I beamed.
"Asher..." She just stared blankly. "No one can know."
I looked at my little bear. It's dark eyes just as deep and emotionless as the utter shock repelled from my sister's.
"Did you hear that Little Bear? No one can know." I laughed bitterly. I could feel the choke in my throat of the sobs coming but I retained them. They would not come. I would not let them.
"But they came back then. Didn't they, Little bear?"
I marched to the stables. Aktuma was being unfair, she knew that I was queen in only a few short months. How dare she insult me! Telling me that I was unfit for such a position, informing me that she should be queen. I would not allow it. I was first born. I was next in line. I stomped over to my horse. A large gray one, with small white dots sprinkling it and a a cream colored mane that felt like pure silk.
"Anything I can help you with my lady?" I looked over to a stable boy wiping the small tear that was exposed on my cheek. His hair was slightly bleached from the sun. Just a stable boy.
"I think I can mount myself, thank you." I replied curtly, sniffing. He gave me a sympathetic look.
"I meant with other matters. Something is bothering you." I scoffed.
"And what does a stable boy know?"
"I know that normally you skip in here and say, Good Afternoon." He stabbed a pile of hay with a pitchfork.
"What's your name boy?"
"Somie, My Lady." He slightly dipped his head then returned with his work.
"Call me Asher."[i]
I looked again at the bear.
"Call me Asher." I rubbed the paw of my animal. Little did I know at the time that the voice who called my name could bring me such joy. Such happiness.I touched the hand of my bear.
"His hands seemed so big." I felt the tears come again but I held them in.
"Where we going?" I jokingly demanded. Somie held his large hand over my eyes, and used the other to steer me.
"Almost there Asher." He chuckled, his laugh was hypnotic. I forced me to smile and laugh with him.
"Alright," He stopped, releasing me, "Open." I opened and around me were huge willow trees and in the clearing was a signal stump.
"It's beautiful Somie." I breathed. He smiled and towed me over the decaying wood. I sat and he knelt next to me.
"Asher..." He hesitated,"There's something I need to tell you." He fidgeted but I waited. His large eyes; large and very colorful eyes met mine.
"It could be bad news." He looked down again.
"I'm ready."
"Since I'm a knight now." He looked at me and we both knew that the reason he was ranked as a knight so quickly was because of me.
"Oh I can't say it." His head hung low.
"Please?" I begged, "for me?"
"Well, I...." He gripped my hand. Something he had never done before. It seemed like magic.
"Asher I," He looked at me again.
"Spit it out." He swallowed.
"Asher, I love you." I looked at him. His plains of his face and the mat of messy hair on his head. Everything seemed to glow.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Run away with you if I have to, I realize your a princess and you'll be queen soon but..." He looked at me and removed his hands from where they were resting. He brushed my face with his fingertips. Slowly he pressed his lips to mine. It was as if we fit. I quietly giggled as he continued.
"I wish this moment could last forever." He breathed, his lips moved on mine as he spoke.
"Then we'll make it." I kissed him this time. I pressed against him, proving to him that I reflected the same thought. We would make this moment special forever, in the grove surrounded by willow trees.
I smiled at my bear, it was sweet looking. Soft. I hugged it close to my chest as I felt the tears come. The ones I had sworn to myself that I would not allow anymore. Not over that, not over him.The saddest of all memories filled my mind.
I looked in my arms. He was there, alive. Healthy. Breathing. How I loved to hear the sound of him breathing. It was only a simple task but I loved it. I loved him."Asher," A voice whispered, "You can't." I looked up at my sister on her horse. She looked sad standing next to me. We had made all the arrangements. I told Somie that there was an important affair with a southern kingdom and the guards would not be protecting me tonight. Alyssum had put a spell on me so that only she could see me as I grew. As my stomach inflated into a large, round ball. As my body unexpectedly changed and Somie. Oh, Somie. My love couldn't hear that he. We...
I looked down at the bundle again. The mark of a royal on his small arm, a light spot that was shaped like a dagger. The skin was brown, a caramel tan. Just like everyone in Thorium.
"Can't I at least say goodbye?" I begged. His eyes were closed. His plump cheeks were soft and I gently kissed them.
"You are saying goodbye." She stated, "he isn't safe in Thorium. He will only cause talk among the people. No Asher, this is goodbye."
I kissed his forehead, soft tears spilling from my eyes.
"Can't I at least name him?" I never took my face away from his, my body cradled the child in my arms. My child.
"No. It would be better if he was not named." I nodded and pulled away. Gazing up into Alyssum's eyes. She looked down at him.
"He will be safe. I will watch him."
"Alyssum," I started protesting.
"No, my name is Bromnie. It is my start as a full witch." She nodded. "People will wonder where Alyssum went. They will ask you. But you must not tell them. You understand?"
"Yes." I nodded. My child, my baby boy, stirred slightly in his sleep.
"I need the child now." She held her arms out to me. She must want him for herself. Somie and I's precious child. I held him tighter. Looking in her eyes, hoping to see her intent. They were full of love and concern. I choked a sob. She was right, he would not be safe in Thorium. I gingerly handed him over, his hand spilled out from the blanket and for a moment reached for me. Then fell limp in a deep sleep. The kind that Alyssum or Bromnie could conger up.
"Somie doesn't know," She said in realization looking at me in awe, I had kept my promise. "You didn't tell him."
"No, Somie doesn't know." She nodded, and carefully removed a necklace from her pocket and gave it to me.
"I want you to tell them that I was killed and you barely escaped." I nodded, my arms now cold and empty.
"You are dead." I concluded, heartbroken.
"No," She shook her head. "Alyssum is dead, but I am still here. Take it." I took it from her. The stone was blue, maybe it was purple. I couldn't tell from the water that slipped out of my eyes.
"Dip it in water and it will call me to you. Whenever you need help I will always answer the call." We both nodded. Then she whipped the horse with one hand and it galloped away.
"Ride." I whispered as the faded into the darkness.
I looked at my bear and set in on the balcony. I couldn't keep him.
"I couldn't keep him..." I shivered in the light of the sun. It had been years, only a small few. But years. I blew on the creature and it tumbled off the railing, cascading down until it landed on the hard dirty ground. It fell. My tears fell. But I would not fall. So long as I could keep my secret.
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