Young Writers Society

Hmmmm... It seems like most of them liked it. Did I?
Well... Okay... I did.
But, honestly. I wouldn't want to lie. I found this a little like every other story that I have read about Vampires. What's so great and why should I like it? But, there is something you have done that is like magic. Apart from all of the love part(Which I don't usually enjoy) and the narration and emotions. It is the atmosphere you have created. I really enjoy good feel when I'm reading. And you weaved an excellent one. You did a good job. You have the potential and you can do much better.. So don't give up!

aha this is so old though but thanks! I don't like that type of stuff much anymore and my writing style has improved aha.

I really liked this story, being a vampire fan myself, and the detail you put into it. However, more detail should be put into the scene where she is changing from a human to a vampire. Also, I believe the story would be better if you put more information on their background, like Georgiexx said. Detail on their appearance would be nice, especially that of Stark's, but it is not necessarily needed.
Keep up the good work! I really liked it

Hi there! I love the story. However, I admit it isn't very new. I don't want to discourage you or anything, you're actually really good and writing is about expressing feelings, so well done!

There are a few things I've noticed, not serious though.

"Drink damn you. I give you life".
I think it would be better if you said: (I'm giving you life.)
I'm not sure, but I think there's something wrong with it.

I opened my month and let the blood change..
I think you mean mouth.

Keep up the good work.